"Why won't she listen to me!? Why doesn't she get it!?" I found myself asking the only person present, that being myself as well. I tried to warn my Little Va about the danger she was exposing herself to, but, she brushed it off. Surely the death of her father would make her more aware of how easily life was lost!? So why did she not care...?
How is it she was not grasping how worried this made me? That thing was an osibindah! He was one of the creatures that had just so recently attacked our home! He was not to be trusted in any capacity!
"What do I do, Dear? Neither of them are listening to me..." I then said with a sniffle as I looked at the wrapped-up corpse of my husband. We were still waiting for our turn to get him buried, so he had been left in our bed. Though, I suppose it was now just my bed. And I certainly felt that every night since we put him there, as it was always so cold near him...
Yet, despite how much the sight before me bothered me. How distraught and anxious it made me, I tried to keep a cool head. I needed to think of ways to make sure my daughters were safe. One just needed to speak to me and the other needed to heed my concerns.
But how could I do that? I needed a moment where they would just be forced to speak with me. But, if my little Conqy Bonk isolates herself all the time, how would I get her attention? If my Little Va was always near her friends, how could I keep her attention?
I was stuck in a mental marsh that just never seemed to end. At least, until I noticed a coloured envelope bearing the seal of the lord who ruled these lands. It wasn't anything special on its own, but it helped jog my memory. And this would probably be the only time such an envelope filled me with joy.
Because it reminded me of something I once spoke about with Einervaene. She asked me about means we could seek help, and I explained the folly of it. Folly or no, however, it presented me with something I could do. If I got her and that bug to go off and seek help for our village, I could have my time with Vadei.
I could finally have a moment where I could get it into her head that she was too careless. But I needed to go about this with subtlety as just speaking about it would expose it as false. Yet, that envelope once again offered me a solution. If I just kept it on me, I could get an innocent lie going...
It did not make me happy, knowing I had to lie to get my daughter's attention and time. But, it was a necessary evil to make sure she was safe. I needed her to be away from that thing. Her father, my husband, he would have wanted this.
He would have wanted her to be safe and well...
"Don't worry, Dear... I'll make sure our daughter handles your passing. I'll make sure she grows old and lives a good life." I tearfully smiled at him before I kissed his cold lips. I covered my face as I normally would as tears began to flow in force. I missed him so much and each day I was forced to see him in this state.
And, when I was nearly done crying, I went and hid the envelope. I put it under the carpet near the spice cupboard as only I really ever went there. Then, when it was properly tucked away, I went outside. Slowly sniffing the air until I caught onto the trail of my youngest.
I started walking towards her after that, Vadei was too hard to get to at the moment. I had just so recently seen her go into the forest with her friends after all. That creature too, unfortunately. It would be impossible to speak to her without finding myself overwhelmed.
So, if I wanted to put my mind somewhat at ease, Conquei was the only one I could help. And, hopefully, or, unfortunately depending on how you looked at it. I could at least pressure her into staying so we could talk. If she would talk, I did not know, but I really, really wished she would.
I don't like how she is at the moment, she's changed and not in a good way. She hasn't become the daughter I and her father tried to nurture her into being. She's been forced into that by the cruelty of the humans that took her. I wanted my daughter back, and this might be the first few steps towards it.
And, when I found her, on her own, shuddering in what seemed to be fear, I stopped. I just did not know what to make of it, she was fine, fine and alone. Yet, she still acted as if some beast was about to grab her. She still curled in on herself and tried to hideaway.
"I don't think you'd fit in there anymore." I joked as an opening, hoping it would bring some ease to my daughter. She, however, had no response for me other than a fearful stare. I would never do anything to hurt her and yet, she gives me that look. So, the best I could do was open my arms and gesture for her to come closer.
"Mom..." she would quietly whine she eventually moved her head onto my lap as her tail tip covered her face. And, when I felt like she had opened up enough, I started to stroke her hair. Slowly running my carefully filed claws through her similarly coloured, brownish-red strands.
"What's wrong? You know you can tell me." I asked softly. Changing up how I stroked her to see if it would coax out the words I wanted. I wanted to know what bothered her so I could help her somehow. I might never get it all, but I could at least try.
"No..." she tearfully trembled out as she curled up into an even tighter circle. And, when I heard that, I stopped trying to coax an answer out of her. I gave up and just tried to make her feel comfortable. There was no way I was going to get an answer out of her like this.
And that annoyed me to no end as it meant I could only watch her suffer. I cannot do anything if she does not tell me what happened in that dreaded place. I could ask those who were taken with her, but, why would they tell me? If my daughter, once brash and confident was now an emotional wreck.
What's to say those who also went with her had not turned out the same. Admittedly, I did not actually know the answer to that. I've been so focused on my daughters that I have been neglecting my part in the village. Not that I really had a part that was not focused around these two.
Yet, as I thought on the time I have spent with them, I ended up singing quietly, "One little ear, so soft and wavy." I sang as I gently pinched one of Conquei's ears.