"Well, Undwote, nice seeing you again." I quietly mumbled as I put down the various writing tools I had been forced to use. My claws having been used as a weapon against me should I have chosen to use them. Imagine that, me, the only osibindah in the world capable of human emotion and thought and I die because... Because I used my claws to write!
And it frustrated me to be entirely honest, I just wanted to write in the easiest manner. Yet, I was hampered in my attempts and forced to write like a normal man might. As such, I had to drastically simplify my descriptions to almost baby-like levels just to get it done in time. I even just threw the dice as it were and made crude doodles to accompany it.
Angry it made me, all the other ways these people have used to break me down was just not enough. I also had to humiliate myself in an effort to pass a test meant for adults. But, given my treatment here and some of the insults, well. They might not even consider most people here adults, just children with beards and breasts.
It was over, though, this part of the exam was now over so I could relax somewhat. And I had a lot of emphasis on somewhat as I was not breathing properly. I was stuttering out breaths and I was trembling with anticipatory fear. I did not feel well at all.
I would say I felt sick, but I was not, I was just terrified, terrified of what was most likely going to happen. Originally I went into this room with confidence, Lari having helped raise my spirits a little. But this one test had broken and ground me down into fine powder. Just waiting to be blown about by whatever plan these green-breathers had.
"Make your way to the following arena, creature." the Examiner told me with a sneer as they chucked some kind of tablet at me. A wood-rimmed object with a reddish centre made of what I assumed was glass. I would tap it harder to confirm it, but, I did not want to break it. I had already briefly lost control of my magic in that test just now.
Nearly broke my chair and fell to the floor while being stared at by hateful guards and staff. People who would most certainly begin laughing so hysterically if I was to have done that. Children when it suited them, mature adults when they wanted it another way. I had dealt with people like this before, but, not with so many guns pointed at me.
Not with a risk of death being associated with them.
"Floor two, portal eighty-nine." I mumbled as I finally arrived at the portal I had been assigned or something. The small tablet briefly being held before my left eye just prior to me slotting it inside a machine. The portal lighting up brightly and openly near-instantly after I did that. With some wonder returning to me when that had happened.
These portals still got to me, I had to admit, a door so strange and alien and seemingly complex. Yet, it was so common, the only place to my knowledge that had none were our dorms! Everything had these magical constructs somewhere. A room of many possibilities lying beyond each portal.
But, no wonder was waiting for me beyond this one, no unguessable secret. It was my next test, the arena I would use, just like Lari had done. And this time instead of dazzling a crowd, I would fight for my life. Presumably showing off all I knew about my magic and hoping it impressed them enough.
However, it did not even impress me, my magic that is. It was simple and crude compared to everyone else's. Quinshuu shot light from his fingers like a gun at the expense of his sight, Lari's sister made icy mist! Einervaene could turn into lightning and shoot it out as well! And Lari, well, Lari sang and danced and enhanced her beauty to new heights...
What could I do? I could make a means to poke something further away or to support a heavy load. I made poles of magic... Gods damned poles!
They manipulated elements and constructed things with it and I made unseeable extensions of my limbs. Lari had told me she could indeed see my extensions and that, but I could not see them. If I could not even sense magic properly unless it was blowing something up then what chance did I have!? There was no hope and I was a fool to try...
Maybe I should stop being so cynical, though, the practical had started and I was doing it. As such, I was worried these thoughts were crippling my will to carry on. That they were going to make it much harder than necessary to do this. After all, why bother when the voices just keep saying I was and will fail?
"C'mon, sing for me..." I nearly cried out to Lari who I knew was watching. My hand wiping away any tears before I then moved on to the next part of the exam. And then the next and so on and so forth until I was nearing the end. A monotony of physical exertions that used very little magic to my knowledge.
Now, I know they did say internal-magic influenced all physical actions, yet, even then, I was just running! Just lifting weights and throwing heavy objects or rapidly moving about heavy objects while guiding another. It all seemed so dismissable until I finally reached the last thing my last test had mentioned. The spell that would truly define what you would bring to this cursed place.
This cruel and hostile academy...
And what I had chosen was a repeat of my most defining memory that was not about my death or hive stay. That time I lifted dozens of logs a side bound together by iron poles with it all being around a greater pole. And like last time, it made me nervous as I stood before it with the judgement of others on me. I do not know if I had gotten stronger, but, last time I barely lifted it.
I even nearly died until that magic blast save me, and this time, well... There would be no vague saviour. Vapooliar wasn't here and there were no aelenvari witches adoring me to do it. It was just me and me alone.
So if I screwed up then that was it, I would die once more and this time it would not have its moments. No games with the God of Expression, no watching the God of Thunder make things at dinner. No Goddess of Technique wanting a compliment or a Goddess of Pleasure ruining my tastes forever. And there would most certainly be no Goddess of Mothers to comfort me and love me unconditionally.
And as I slowly moved my bracelet about, I thought of him, the one who was denied my soul. Undwote, the God of Death. The one who walked the misty limbo that copied our world. He who found all dead with his pack of seven, the ones who gave us his holy number of seven.
I did not want to see him again, however, despite fond memories of him and his pets. I did not want to see him just to know I would be going to wherever he put souls away to. I wanted to carry on living and speak to Lari more and all the others. Especially Lari, however, because since coming here I have realised one thing.
I actually liked her, not like how I would a friend, but rather, it was the one thing that made me grow tired of Rose. What I felt for her was love and I would like to tell her about it, I wanted to actually be loved. Not lusted after or just cared for. I wanted to tell her that even if I was unsure about it...
That at one point I would be able to tell her 'Lari, I love you.'
So, with a little smile on my chittering jaws, I moved towards that old memory brought back again. I stretched my limbs and looked up at what seemed to be a glass panel. One that was surely see-through and have her behind it. So, just to relax a little, I then chose to wave at it.
Maybe, just maybe, I was getting one back too, "Examinee Nin, move on to your final display. And be done with it." the voice in the speakers said at first professionally. Until, well, they made their wishes clear with that final clear.
"Indeed, let me be done with it." I replied back with before I then went under the centre-bar. A glare forming as I made sure my feet were spread far and apart yet still firmly placed. And as my claws flexed about on the iron bar, I filled up with emotion. So many kinds and all of them ones that would help me lift this bar.
Anger, fury, rage, joy, happiness, want, desire, good or bad... They were all there and I would use them to make my mind ignore the pain and the rest of it. I would lift this object once more and I would prove myself triumphant! I would see Lari's smile again and put up with her forevermore!
So, with a start-up roar to encourage me onwards, I began to exert my strength. Straining almost immediately with my legs and arms trembling as I went up. My eight knees in particular feeling the strain badly as they did not seem to agree with this weight at all. Yet, I kept on going up and I kept on pushing it up.
A grin of sorts making its way onto my distorted, pain-filled and blood-flushed face as I did so. But it did not come because of that, the fact the ground was cracking made me grin like that. Then, with a single triumphant heave, I lifted a leg up and slammed it back down with the ground fracturing further. I then did it again and again until I had waddled a short distance.
But, then, it suddenly felt much heavier and I could feel something was wrong. Had someone tampered with the magic in this thing!? Were they trying to crush me or make me break my legs!? By the first three Thunderstrikes, I would not give them the satisfaction.
So I moved on to what I had been learning with Lari and put my body into the best state it could be. One that utilised my internal-magic to its fullest extent while my external-magic also helped out. At first, it was minor and not noticeable by me, but then it grew to greater heights and became very seeable. The weights felt lighter and I now had supports!
For I had shot out my magic and was now using it to create structural supports! My drive to get home, like Lari had told me, would win this day for me. For I was using all I knew about Tobaballe's towers to help out with the weight. I spread it out along my arms and legs more evenly and even made rests to use!
And just before my magic felt like it would go out, I tried to recreate what I did back at the flower. I would successfully throw this thing away this time and I would be standing at the end of it! But, this one slip up had me roaring in pain because I had to suddenly put my magic into a single pole on my back. Or, rather, what it might as well have been, a pike.
"Ah! Ah! Ah! DAMMIT!" I screamed out in pain before I then got back into it after stumbling back. I then threw it away once I had mustered all my remaining arcane strength. And I watched it crash into the dry earth of the arena with a tremendous boom. Its form collapsing as it could not hold itself together like this.
"Did you see me, Lari!?" I then called out to the glass panel while panting in pain. That burden now no longer putting itself down upon me. I was free of it and now all I had to do was be like her. I needed to hope for a future where I lived for I had given it my all and was pleased.
Now if only I was not full of the urge to flop over and scream.