There is no difference there between a cat or a man. The idea of difference is a human conception for man's own advantage.
- Sri Aurobindo
The next day they flipped me. The wounds on my back had sealed up but there was still a danger of them splitting open, so they laid me in a bed of tragel. Tragel was one of the few innovations that survived the Collapse. It was originally intended as a suspended animation bath for the occupants of the sleep ships. It essentially provided all the nutrients and chemicals needed to keep the human body functioning. And it worked.
Travel Gel, as it was originally called, did much more than merely sustain human life, it healed wounds remarkably well. The testing teams came out better than they went in. The very rich still had baths of tragel in their homes, and there were tragel clinics throughout the system. Not all of them used actual tragel, but enough did to keep it popular. The fact that the Station had sprung for a tragel treatment for me meant that the Ring problem had been very expensive for them. I didn't mind it. I could stand to lose a few years. I sunk myself deeper into the bed.
True to her word, Sam had returned that night. Since I was still healing, I slept almost 90% of the way through day eight. I guessed that when she wasn't working, she would clean herself up and head to my room. Darwin had fully adopted her, which had disturbing implications that I refused to think about. Most of the time, Sam just sat and read, petting Darwin or seeing to his needs, while I drifted in and out of consciousness.
By the next day, I was awake more often than not and the tragel had worked its magic. According to the medics, I still needed a few more days, but I was getting edgy. Darwin, while good company, would quite often just sleep through the day. It was the middle of day nine, and the time left to me to complete this Find was going to test all of my skills and strength. I wasn't so sure of the former any more, and had very little left of the latter.
When the staff wasn't looking I would bring Darwin into the tragel bath with me. Surprisingly, he didn't mind it. The gel had nothing toxic in it so he would clean himself thoroughly after a bath.
When Sam came back that evening, both Darwin and I were restless. She, on the other hand, looked exhausted. I doubt that days of sleeping in a hospital chair did much for her health.
"You look like you could use a tragel bath yourself," I suggested when she had drifted in. Now that I was fully conscious, I realized that she wasn't just pretty, she was stunning. And that perfume.
"Why, Mr. Friedman," she said in mock surprise, "are you inviting me into your bed?"
I guess I had walked right into that one. I decided not to play the 'misunderstood bumbler' role, putting on a spluttering apology. I just laughed. I had been doing that a lot lately.
"Ms. MacGregor, you do not need to come here every night, though I am glad you do. Your company is a healing balm rivaling the efficacy of the baths." See, I could play too.
"Oh, Mr. Friedman, you say the most romantic things!" she teased.
I just raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Seriously Sam, you are starting to hurt yourself. I appreciate you coming and looking after Darwin, but not at the cost of your health, or your job."
She looked at me for a second. "Aren't you supposed to be this super-insightful Finder? Officer Bobak says that you are one of the best he's known, that they probably invented Finding just so you could do it. So how is it that you are missing this?"
I blinked. She was right, since I had arrived at the hospital, I had not opened myself up.
"The process has... consequences." A metaphoric bridge was looming ahead. "When I am Finding, everything else is pushed out of the way. I have no other focus, no other target or aim. All attachments, all emotions are abandoned in favor of clarity of mind." I paused to let that sink in.
I continued, looking at her face. "I have honestly been enjoying our time together, and I did not want to appear ungrateful, but when I am Finding, no one and nothing else matters. I did not think that was a fair repayment for the debt I owe you."
"Joshua Friedman," she said with a knowing smile, "you are inconsistent. You say one thing, and yet you do another. Go ahead and do your Finding thing. I am more than a little curious to know what you can see."
So I did, but there really wasn't much to see. There were only three of us. I could sense Darwin in his usual position on her lap and traced his faintly gold connection to me. It was as strong as ever. Then I looked at the connection again, seeing something for the first time. Perhaps it was because there were fewer complications here, or maybe it was because of the tragel bath, but I was seeing with a clarity beyond my previous experiences.
The bond from Darwin to me wasn't simple or solid. What I had always taken as an smoke like link was actually a complex braided cord made up of thousands of strands of cause and effect, of deliberately chosen acts of caring and protection, of thought and concern. And they were flowing both ways. Sam was right. I did NOT disconnect from everyone and everything when I was Finding. I always had, and always would, love Darwin as fiercely as he did me. It was a revelation.
In our bond I saw an intruder though, a rider, a single strand that followed the connection from Darwin to me. It was a bright azure, shining as it flowed from Darwin. I looked up at Sam's face as she was watching me curiously. It was her eyes. I hadn't noticed before, but her eyes were the bright sky blue of a perfectly clear summer day. The color suffused her entire being, sending out tentative tendrils out into the halls, likely connecting with staff and others she knew around the Station.
She also had a thin but very bright blue connection flowing from her to Darwin. And that connection extended from the cat to me.
"Darwin." I said simply.
"You CAN see. What an amazing thing." She had an uncanny way of bringing me back to ground with a single comment.
"Yes, I can," I replied in the hollow voice that always accompanied my Finding. The pain of my loss would always force me too... wait. I hadn't thought of Joanie that time. I just sank myself into the trance. This had far reaching implications, none of which I was ready to face just yet.
"Yes, Darwin is why I come here," she said. "He needs me, and haven't been needed in a very long time. So I come, and I care for him, and he in turn cares for me. I have to admit, it will be very difficult for me when you go. But that doesn't stop me from squeezing every drop of joy from each moment. We, none of us, have any guarantees of the future. So I choose to be present."
"When I go?" I asked. I knew I had to leave, sooner rather than later. But I was surprised that she could face it so readily. This woman was made of strong stuff.
"To Find," she said. "You aren't here on vacation. You are looking for someone or something, and I get a sense that the Ring wasn't your ultimate goal."
Perceptive as well.
"Correct. As soon as I am able, Darwin and I are going to have to continue our investigation. The Ring was a dead end." I have to admit that I missed the pun here in my Finding state. In retrospect it... well no, it still isn't very funny.
"Darwin and you? You talk as if he was a Finder as well."
"Darwin is... my partner. We are good together. We protect each other. He sees things that I miss, and I do things for him that he cannot do for himself. We are connected, bonded. Friends."
I don't know that I had ever admitted that to anyone before. My, wasn't this a day for self-discovery.
I shifted in the bath.
"I know," was her response. Then silence for a few minutes. She was working up the courage to say or ask something. I braced myself. This is where the bridge gets burned.
"I was curious. Intrigued, actually."
"By what?"
"By you."
"Why is that?
Here it comes, I thought.
"Cats are very discerning creatures you know." Wait, what? This is not where I was expecting her to go. "I used to have a cat when I was girl. When I went into the wide world, I brought Cloe with me. She was my constant companion. Eventually, I met a guy and we hit it off. It was getting serious. The first time I had brought him to my place, she hissed at him and hid. She would swipe at his ankles as he passed by. She would interpose herself between us whenever she could. It turns out, she was right. For various reasons, we weren't good together. He took the breakup very badly. He blamed 'that damned cat' of mine."
I sat in silence, wondering where this tale was heading. "He was right, of course. But my connection with Cloe was real, it was strong. My connection with him was tenuous, smoke-like, if you know what I mean."
I did, of course.
"So that is it." she concluded.
"So that is what?"
"That is why I come here. I am intrigued by a man who is so thoroughly trusted by a cat. Especially a cat like Darwin. There are things that I would like to know about you, Joshua Friedman, Finder extraordinaire."
"I am a widower." I said. Where the hell did THAT come from? Who leads with that? I was shocked as the words came out of my mouth. I could barely admit the truth to Fred, and here I was discussing my bereavement with a virtual stranger like it was as important as the weather.
Her reaction was also a surprise. "I am so sorry," she said quietly, with obvious sincerity. She didn't ask what happened or how long ago.
I didn't have time for this though, as much as I wanted to pursue it. If my sense was correct, and it almost always was, this Find had turned into a rescue mission. I knew, without knowing how I knew, that Leena was in danger, and that she was going to need my help. And that it was very important that I help her. The sound of rolling thunder and flashing lightning that accompanied every thought of her was enough of a clue to that.
"So am I," I replied. "I need to get back to work though, and I am not getting it done just lying here."
But that wasn't going to be easy. Fred had put the brakes on any further investigation and I was pretty sure that this time he was going to keep a detail on me to ensure that it didn't happen.
Once again though, Sam was determined to surprise me.
"Send me," she said quietly. "Let me be your eyes and ears. You are in here for another three days at least. Let me help you."
"I won't go on about the danger," I said, the mute evidence of my current state saying it louder that I could. I debated whether I should involve her in this. I already had two in the field, though to be honest, sending Markham and Joy into the residential sector was mostly to keep them from being underfoot. "What I need is information and I am running out of time. You'll need to get in touch with the other Finders on the station. Let me know about anything unusual going on, as well as a record of ships leaving and arriving."
She nodded, "Got it."
"One more thing," I said. "You can't let Fred know about it. He as much as threatened to space me if I didn't let this go. But there is a woman, and I know she is in trouble. And I am not going to leave her to her fate now."
She looked at me for a few seconds, her expression unreadable. Then she nodded and picked up Darwin, placing him back on the chair as she stood.
"I'll be back as soon as I can."
"Also," she stopped and turned, "get me anything about shadows."
"Shadows?"
"Yes, people talking about shadows and ghosts and anything like that as well. Even if they are just stories."
"O.K." She turned once again to leave.
"Oh, and Sam," she stopped once again. "I really appreciate this. I am starting to go a little stir crazy. I owe you."
"I know." She headed back out the door, "And I will be collecting." Do you know, I could actually hear her grinning?