Nostalgia is defined as a sentimental or wistful yearning for the happiness felt in a former place, time or situation. But nostalgia is also defined as denial - denial of the painful present.
Coming back to the city she grew up in, Xiu was in dilemma. Her inner self was in a conflict over whether she was supposed to feel any nostalgia? Especially when her present was so much more beautiful than the past? But she couldn't possibly deny that she had some level of attachment to this place. This city had seen the glory of Chen Xiu and her downfall as well.
This city had seen her laughing, crying, struggling with her mental health, her depression, her loneliness. What this city didn't see before was her satisfaction. Because Chen Xiu was never satisfied with her life.
