I see you and I remember why I love you. These memories I hold that make up my dreams. What I learned on our adventures and how you taught me to have a heart.
I want to see you again. Is it enough to revisit our battles, triumphs, and losses? As well as the times in between. I miss that. I want that. I never want to forget. To lose you. If your face fades...will your words fade too?
I'm afraid of change. That if I "grow up," I'll loose what held my childhood. Who made me and showed me how to be sweet, kind, and caring by never giving up on a friend. How'd we'd chase dreams, together, like we promised each other.
It's fading, and I'm terrified it'll end. You where who I needed when I felt I wasn't. You showed me, and I strive to be you. To keep you alive. As the years go on, the lights are fading, and I'm slowly realizing that chasing the falling stars seem so daunting and scary when I'm in this dark. It's cold, and wet, and squishy beneath my toes, and though this scene hold a familiarity because this is where we met-it feels different as the light fades. I-I can't see you, though a whisper of you remains. I'm scared of moving onward or anywhere because I might loose you.
You are-where so much to me. A friend when I was alone, hope in desperation, and a frantic clinging to sanity. I could endure the pain, because it wouldn't matter, if I knew I'd see you. If I got to feel safe and loved when I went into my world with you.
You where as real as my pain, and in you I found freedom and happiness that opened my mind to possibilities and dreams we'd chase together.
You felt more real than my breath, secluded to my mind to where it was safe, and where we could chase our dreams, and not feel or be forced to accept a life I didn't wish for.
To say you where real to me would be an insult-you are real. And one of my most cherished friends.
You are more real than the sunset I'd see with my own eyes because I'd be glazed in a haze, while you where important to me. You saved me. You held me on until I was ready to enter back into my world.
But I think of you less and less, and I can't afford to regress. I want to keep you, but I don't want to be the child who relied on you to survive.
But I'll keep what I learned, and won't forget, and build on those memories, and move forward.
12.31.17