Maybe getting off the road was not such a good idea. Oliver, now named Oli by myself, seems to know the way, but my feeling tells me to be suspicious about his right will to pass through the jungle. I think about the way towards the point we are sitting on now and eating a little snack, a piece of bread with one egg and a little bit of sausage should be enough until we find our sleeping place for the night.
Our path towards our current place of staying was very interesting as dangerous. Kind of funny, too. Never before did I hear so many stories told from an experienced man. He told about his adventures and trips to different countries, about skiing in the alps, doing bungee jumping on large bridges and getting of an airplane, free fall you can call it. Never did I thought about him as suicidal, now I do. Could he be really the father of our future kids? Okay, I think about us in the future, it means, I take our relationship serious. I hope he does, too. And I hope he doesn´t try to commit suicide, if I don´t watch him each second of my life. I think risk is fun for him, but not for me. Sometimes you must go forward and you must risk a lost, but if it´s not necessary, why do such a shit? Only for your nerves? No! But else, what should I do, if he wants to risk his life again and later again, I can´t stop him, I´m only a person who´s starting to love him intensively.
It doesn´t occur to me that we didn´t make it on the right path to meet our goal. He didn´t told me any doubts about the right way and I didn´t question his leading. Maybe I should have? Maybe. But I didn´t. Next time I do it definitely. I want to have a clear and understanding relationship and I do work for it, you must work all the time, if you don´t focus on your relationship it could be a factor for a misunderstanding, that leads to more misunderstandings and finally you are separating as a couple or get a separation as man and wife.
It´s getting dark outside and cold. If anybody told me it could be so cold in a warm weather location, I would doubt him for sure. Good thing, I packed a jacket for this occasion, so I didn´t shiver the rest of our way to our overnight station.
"Wanda, we are stopping. Sit down, I get some firewood. If you have enough motivation left, please search in my bag for some firestones. So, when I come back, we can start a fire quickly and you don´t get a cold." He left for firewood.
After a few seconds of rest, I´m getting on my knees and pull his bag to my place. In his stuff I find many things. Condoms, too. What did he plan? Love making in the nature? Yes, I would welcome this idea. I want to get so much quality time with him as possible. Now, I know that I´m totally crushing over him. Yes, I agree with my new found opinion. Maybe I should lower the space, but, what do I have to lose? Nothing. I´m actually quite for romantic standards, but you are never to old for real love. And I want him, so why the heck not?
Putting the condoms to the side I search for the firestones. Typically for man, the stuff you need is on the bottom of the bag. Yep, there are the searched stones. Quite little, I did mean they are bigger. They are as big as plums.
I wait with the stone plums in my hands for him getting back. It did take him long to come back, but he did make it in time, before I worry to much for him. Maybe something bad had happened, I don´t like it, that he is searching alone for firewood. I want him safe. My realistic part of brain tells me, that´s not possible in the mid of a jungle. And I agree, not very liking this thought.
"Wanda, did you have ever made fire with such stones?", he asks me out of nowhere. I shake my head, no I didn´t. "Do you want to take a try?", I give my yes to him. This time I´m going to look at his hands, how he starts a fire, next time it´s my part. I hope, I can do it. Actually, doing it, is not the problem, but if the fire burns, is the other question. I smile into myself. Yes, that are my thoughts. Typically, Wanda. I should end these thoughts, they are negative. Not good for me and my environment.
We eat our dried meat and drink some water we filled at a river we passed. The water is really refreshing my body, I think I forget to drink properly over the day, it seems to the case by him, too. He drinks at least half of his bottle empty. Quite thirsty.
"Do you want to lye next to me. When the fire gets out, you aren´t shivering from the cold this way." Yes, Yes, Yes! I scream into me, my face is building a smile, I can´t cover. I´m shining as bright as the sun. I´m happy. My heart warms up until my feet, I don´t any more warmth, because I´m cooking, but I would never disagree with him about cuddling. Even if I´m hot as a pizza oven.
Cradling next to him, he´s laying an arm over my shoulders. Goose bumps are building over my back, as he starts to massage my shoulders, I like the feeling of his hands on my body, the pressure his fingers massaging me is absolutely right. Oh yes. Right in the way, I can concentrate on his moves fully, he pulls me towards him and leans down for a kiss. We are starting in a quite slobbery kiss, but it´s perfect. Really fabulous. I don´t want to ever let this end.