SERIOUSLY stupid FUCKING tales TO tell YOUR friends

Miles_of_granite
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Synopsis

Chapter 1 - Tale 1: Cynophobia

It was quarter pass twelve when jared finally left his house, it was dark and desolate. The only thing in sight was a hotdog stand. He'd always wondered why that damn thing was there. Its not like it had a purpose, but still it sat there. Rust corroding the metal away.

It was dark. Jared, for the most part never went out this late at night, and if he ever did he was in the confines of his property doing menial work, like watering the grass or changing the filters on his air conditioner. Very rarely did he ever go out this late at night to do anything big, but tonight was different. He felt inclined on doing so.

By one he walked the eastern port bridge. It was frigid, and he cursed himself for not bringing anything to warm up in, but at this point it didn't matter he'd been walking a good thirty minutes already so going back there wouldn't be worth it. His eyes jammed. He saw another hotdog stand just sitting in the middle of eastern port bridge, but unlike the one near his house, this one was brand new, and for a moment. He stood there and thought... 'What the fuck' had it fallen out of a eighteen wheeler? A truck? He couldn't believe what he saw. He blinked. It was gone.

"Ooh spooky" he breathed out. He continued to think about it. 'Beware of the prestine hot dog stand' he thought. 'What a stupid fucking name. I know I'm more clever than that.' In some regards he was right, but in others he was horribly wrong.

He turned around. At this point the eastern port bridge was out of sight, but the hotdog stand seared his mind. He couldn't get it out of his head! The turning burners, the colorful reds and yellows from hell! He was quite spooked, and could you blame him?(yes? Well okay.) He shivered at the thought, so he casted away the degerative hellish thought from his mind before it festered, and continued walking, popping his chest out to show some dominance he clearly didn't have.

He made it over the hill and at last his destination revealed itself. The drug store. He was at the precipice of success, but as he walked he felt weighed down, not mentally, but physically. He turned, and his nightmares revealed themselves. A hotdog stand was right on his tail, its tires digging up asphalt as it chased him. He ran but stood no chance, he was in the clutches of the hotdog stand now. He thought to himself in this moment. 'Why?' 'What the shit?' The latter popped up more than the former.

It was too late. He was a goner. It's metal claws dug at his skin. It pierced and drew blood. Now all he had was plan b (if there ever was one.) He used all his strength to run to the drug store.

He yelped. The hotdog stands claws pulled his loose skin, but jared at this moment was focused on the goal. Drug store. The phrase looped in his mind. Drug store. Drug store. Drug store, but in the mist of his chanting he heard the hotdog stand speak! "Dude what are you doing?" He flinched, but it spoke again. "Dude if you don't stop I'm seriously gonna fuck you up man!"

By the time jared stopped running he was already at the door to the drug store. He pulled the lever. It was locked.

A women on the inside of the drug store looks out at him in fright.

"Uh... Yes sir. I have some crazy motherfucker out here trying to get in my store." A pause. "Yeah he keeps claiming that this hotdog stand is chasing him and trying to kill him, he wants me to let him in." A pause "You're coming to pick him up? Thank goodness!" She hangs up the phone cinematically and looks out to jared again. "Fucking druggies"

THE END