"But that makes no sense, how can someone exist without a soul?" I asked Smith confusedly
"I am not sure, but it is theorised that people who are awardless had their soul damaged or destroyed after they were born, due to your souls being extremely reactive to magi particles. If magi particles are not accumulated and controlled properly it can cause severe damage to your souls. Due to your souls attracting magi particles so madly upon being born without any control it caused the vessel which is your soul to break and sometimes even shatter.
The reason you are still alive when you don't have a soul could be because of the remnant fragments of your soul is keeping you alive. Usually, people who are awakened as awardless don't tend to live long, living only for as long as a maximum of 15 years, by using legendary healing awards, before your organs start to fail, one by one. "
Oh great, this is starting to scare me. I really should make sure, as soon as possible that my award is awakened. Otherwise, I am not sure what I would do with 15 years of a deadline when I need to live for 25 years.
"John do you know how we came to the conclusion of you lacking a complete soul instead of finding another theory such as this being a unique disease or condition?"
I spent some time thinking before I answered: "Could it be similar cases of people with multiple organ failures have appeared before?"
"Indeed although it is an extremely rare condition, we can replicate this condition artificially, it appears in people especially in magi apprentices who somehow, lost control of their magi particle accumulation. Although those people tend to live longer for about 30 years minimum before their organs start to collapse. The reason awardless having to live a lot less could be easily assumed right?"
"Due to their soul's remnant fragment barely keeping them alive since childhood, during awakening, they force their soul or a broken vessel to carry magi particle and make the soul do extra workload like opening a gate to dream realm. This causes the remaining lifespan to shorten?"
"Correct"
Before he could talk I asked him a question that I have been wanting to ask.
"Have you seen a person that is naturally born with a destroyed or damaged soul that hasn't awakened then?"
"People like you are extremely rare John. They only appear roughly once every 200 years. Most of the times they don't awaken and tend to live till the age of 50 before their organs slowly start to give way. We have a special name for these group of people, they are called Soulless. Do you know what the most terrifying aspect of this condition is John?"
"Slow and painful death?"
"No, at first the pain must be a lot to bear, but after a while, you will get used to it, in fact, your body will put every last effort in attempting to survive, even if your mind wants to give up. But the terrifying aspect of this condition is that your body will just disappear from this world as if it never existed.
You can be out shopping with your family and friends, and you could be separated for a while, and at that moment you could die and your body will disappear from this world. While this is happening, your family or friends will be looking for you. They will never know whether you passed away or if you just wandered off, or if something bad happened to you. Nothing will be left behind showing that you existed other than memories of you."
I spent some time contemplating what he said before asking him "How long have I got?"
"I would suggest you find any good healers, otherwise you won't last for more than 5 years maximum. From the resources, you have even if you find a good healer you won't be able to hire them. So the best thing to do that I suggest is getting the backing of someone who can find and hire the best healer in the whole empire so that you can live for at least 15 long years John."
I should have expected this coming. He is basically telling me to go and tell sell out my secret backer to the emperor and then emperor will take care of me. But the problem is old man I don't even have a secret backer. How the hell am I supposed to sell out a backer I don't have. Wait why am I even worrying about this, I should be award user no need to worry.
"Smith, can I ask you one last question?" I asked Smith while putting up with the most hopeless and lost face
Smith nodded, "Why did you stop me from awakening at the age of 10?"
Smith struggles for a few seconds to answer my question before replying "I have to go John but before I go I will tell you one thing. My deal with the emperor was to protect you till the day you were awakened, but even though you didn't awaken you still attempted an awakening, therefore my protection for you ends today. However, due to the negligence of mine, I will help you out if you have any request I am capable of fulfilling." Saying that he left. Instead of usually walking back to his room he instead walked towards the exit.
Knowing that he will never be here taking care of me, tear welled up my eyes. He extended his protection period just for me by forcing me to awaken 5 years later. Even though I argued with him and he knew I hated him, he still stayed by me. I wanted to tell him not to go and stay by my side, as he is the only person that is a family for me, in this world. I wanted to tell him to be my side for the last few years of my life at least.