Chapter 46 - Chapter 45

Eventually near midnight we came to an agreement with whatever was gonna happen tomorrow. It was already late so Sakuya gave us a few sheets as the guild hall closed. It was just the ones who came in the meeting were in the guild. We ended up sleeping at some benches and chairs, even some of the tables. Mr. Williams dropped faster than a rock as he slouched his head on the table. He was pretty used to any surface, much like the rest of my group. Tyrell actually is a light sleeper after all. At times he wouldn't be able to sleep at night, mostly because next to our old apartment was a bar. Apparently this was actually the reason why he decided to go for night shift jobs. Now the guy can sleep hard on the floor without batting an eye. I guess it goes to show that the guy was able to adapt.

As for me I woke up after three hours of sleep again. More visions kept on closing in so I went to the window and grabbed a juice powder mix sachet. However it was crimson like blood. If I recall well I'm supposed to be drinking blood. But looks like more fuzzy dreams came of blood. But soon it turns black and I see worms. Disgust came to my eyes with anxiety.

I ended up throwing the juice getting powdered milk instead. There was a time to be brave but it's a bit too late at night to get a dose of PTSD from my past lives. But somehow deep down I felt as if that wasn't the case. It was good timing at least. Maybe some warm milk might get me some rest. So I went at the back of the bar and reached for an alcohol lamp. There was a disposable gas lighter and a few matches but eventually I found out that it was empty. I tried to look for some matches but the creaking of the shelves might wake the rest of the crew up. I looked around and made sure that everybody was asleep. With that out of the way I was able to light the lamp with an ignite spell and put a wire rack and an iron stand. How weird to spot some chemistry equipment behind the bar.

Good thing I still remembered chemistry class on how to work most of these things. I think I remembered watching my teacher of that class heating soup with a beaker and drinking it with a test tube clamp in front of the class. Too bad I can barely remember him. There was little to none that I can do about it though. I always wondered why has it always been so fuzzy. But before I can reach for the test tube clamps, I felt somebody near me a few meters at my right. Out of my left arm I unsheathed a knife using my right hand and pointed a wakizashi blade towards the target. It turned out to be Sakuya blocking it with a chopstick. "Last time I checked the next punishment in the game was nipple tape, right?" She playfully said. My guildmaster then pushes my knife gently and puts her guard down. "Your guard is as sharp as ever." She complemented. I sheath back my knife and went back to heating up the milk. "You do realize the punishment game ended like two hours ago, right?" I clarified. "I know, I just meant it like a joke." She said with a playful smirk. "I only have enough powdered milk for one." I told her. "I'm more concerned on why you're up." She said.

"You know. PTSD as a drawback for syncing." I replied.

Sakuya then reaches for a box below the sink then takes a sachet of coffee and gets an alcohol lamp and iron stand. She eventually follows the same setup as me and makes her own batch of coffee. "I guess that's the drawback of tragic heroes. They are considered the anti heroes in terms of reincarnation." She said. Again more things I still yet to understand. "You lost me there." I said. Sakuya then pours her coffee in a mug and tells me to take a seat. "As people are born, a few are given a title by the gods to serve as a role to the world." She explains, "If on has a title then there is a role of the the gods to be played."

"So how does the title work?" I asked.

"They are a reflection of what they are and they are destined to do." She told me.

"So in other words... whatever role I am to play is for a sole purpose alone?" I asked for confirmation.

"Again you can read my riddles. Sadly, your title plays the fates as the tragic hero." She breaks it to me.

"What makes the tragic hero so different from the others?" I wondered.

"Tragic heroes are considered...the jokers of the card deck. They maybe the most unconventional but the most powerful." She told me.

"How are heroes like me considered irregular? What makes me different from everybody else?" I asked out of reluctant curiosity.

"It is merely by their tragedy the heroes become hardened to become stronger. Fate is their brutal mistress. But in the end of the day no matter how strong they become, tragedy will soon meet them." Sakuya explained to me.

The words that were expressed was an eye opener on its own. It does gives me suspicions but there were truths to it. But tragedy itself makes me question the cause of it. All the more with my title. If the title that I have is what my fate is...then what will be the use of it. "Then why deal with a tragic hero if there is a large possibility to failure?" I asked.

"With all that is happening, it's either we go hard or go home. But home is the afterlife." Sakuya answers, "The Norns tell me something is brewing, something even they cannot predict."

"So even gods cannot see the current situation? How risky is this?" I questioned.

"Enough to see time and space are getting out of hand. Even with the Norns carving fate, some of the fates given keeps on changing. They're having a hard time seeing what is happening next." She said.

"So we don't know what's going to happen next and all we can do is just become stronger for the next event?" I asked.

"Prometheus is the only one who knows what the current history and events that is going on in the continent. The more the days pass the more we lose time."

"That would just mean...the more time we lose…the lesser opportunity we have to get out of this thing." I rationalized.

"That's why we need you to get stronger. We need more people. With all the ruckus around the capital, we at least need a few people with their heads on."

"If people like me are needed then why do people bother killing them?"

"People often blame first on what they don't understand. Followers of Prometheus started off by helping rebuild Cletus. But since the four horsemen, they started blaming Prometheus. The population started to stereotype then eventually went on a bloodlust to kill any powerful magic user."

"If they're that dangerous then why isn't there anybody trying to stop it?"

"That's because they're afraid. They have fear that they will die." She tells me, "We Terrans were from a world where we grew used to comfort and security. Take that away and the fear of death and risk begins."

It was only predictable that it would turn out like this. After all the world used to be what was hip or online. Take that away and people would be splitting hairs. "Then how does things like UTU and the other things I was supposed to avoid come into play to whatever we are supposed to do? Why so much risk in hiding me then?" I asked Sakuya.

"You already know people are getting killed just for being better than the other. Plus Prometheus himself came to me, Richard, and many others that I was close to from other guilds." She tells me, "He started to beg at his knees to protect the people, right in front of our gods."

Sakuya then looks at her drink with a troubled look at her face. "You know I couldn't believe it at first the way Prometheus bowed to my gods like that. But then again of all the gods....he was the most caring of the titans. He did help create man after all." She mumbled.

"Wait! That god was responsible for the creation of man?!" I whispered loudly as I tried to control my voice.

"The irony isn't it? One of the few gods that played a role in the beginning of creation happened to be the one who is currently hated by his own creations." She painfully smiled.

"So the more we get stronger, the better we can survive and hopefully start getting answers together?" I summarized.

"Yeah. I don't know if you noticed by now but things outside the walls keep on getting stronger by the day. Monsters are far beyond what I have encountered way before. I'm already of getting tired of losing people and I don't want anymore like Katami Mori to die." She told me.

"So my memories are the key? Then what about my abilities?" I asked for guidance.

"No matter how strong your predecessors were, I need you to become better than them." She consults me, "But be wary that you are a tragic hero. Be wary of the consequences that you bring. This isn't something like you would find in some fantasy out of a video game. This is real life. All we care and love is on the line. So protect it before it becomes 'your' tragedy."

There it was again. That jolt of electricity came out of my head. My left arm started to feel cold as ice. I was even wearing long sleeves too. Sakuya leaves me as she still needed to do more things before the formation of our party. When she wasn't looking however, I covered myself with a blanket and couldn't help feel all the pain at my arm. It felt scalding hot and wet. Nerves kept on twitching. Only problem was that there wasn't anything. Not even a single drop of blood. I then took out my sleeve and arm warmer out. There were three scars at my wrist. I've always hidden them and yet I didn't know why. Yet more of those visions came. Too recent to be a past life. Where was I? What happened? How do I know this place. Why does it feel so cold and wet?

Sakuya went back to her room and I went to mine. But then once more the whole room became white again. Once more the room started to lose color once more. Sitting besides me was as I laid on the bench was Kenshin. He did a clicking sound with his mouth, as if he was disappointed. "Oh great...I thought you wanted to forget that." He spouted out. "Forget...what?" I painfully questioned. He just sighed and looked in front into blank space. "Forget it...if you want to know then I'll just let it come naturally. It is well...your first tragedy in this life." He mumbled. Before I can ask he covered my mouth. "I can't believe in this life I have trigger words. How idiotic." He complained.

Kenshin then comes close to me. "I'm just wondering...why didn't you tell those guys that you were under Tsukuyomi predating the HAPs? You know this would have made things easier." He asked.

"I don't know...I'm still don't understand the situation. All the more with these odd memories." I answered.

Kenshin then wraps his arm around my shoulder. "One of these days you have to tell them your big secret. It looks like your memories are coming back and they would need to know." He told me.

"But I don't even remember." I talked back.

"That's why we past lives are having a hard time give your memories back." He says, "It's not that you 'don't', it's because you 'won't'."

"Well I want to now!" I told him.

"Is that so…? Then we might as well give you a bit now. But I still know you don't want to know." He tells me, "Remember Rin, you need to accept them. If you see them as bad memories then they all will."

"What are you talking about?"

"Even before the HAP you're still stuck with the same problem. You need help."

"My affliction is not my weakness!"

"But you're making it! Even before Laputa you weren't even gonna fix it!" He tells me, "You know well that your past is coming back and you choose not to remember! One way or another you need to dig up what you forgot before you're six feet under!"

But then Furukizu slipped between us. "Wait! Not now!" Kenshin shouted. But it was too late. Furukizu put another mask on me and another memory came. It was modern day Japan. It was in a graveyard full of lots of people. People were crying and in pain. But where was I? On top of a building watching it all. At night I came in a suit. I was all alone and cried on a tombstone.

Where was this? When was this? "You curious?" Furukizu asked. We then return to the memory at the graveyard. It was night and nobody was there. The only problem was that the writing of all the tombstones were censored with digital binary. "We all know fate will come back to us eventually." He says, "Do you really want the dead to remind you?"

But the vision stopped there and I fainted on the floor. At the morning I woke up at first light. My arm warmer was gone and I started to look around. I was having a panic attack. The sensation of my arm came back. I found it on my bed with a suspicious note saying, "Your memories will return but not all. You can't just remain oblivious forever." But then again what memories? I don't even know what he was talking about. But then again I did. I thought I didn't need to think about it then. But more memories came. I was at Japan. It was in a high school with cherry blossom trees blooming. There were people in front of me. I fell back to see... All of their faces were censored with black shadow. Who was I?