32.
I didn't register what he just said. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I took a step back shaking my head. He grabbed me forcing me to look at him. But I didn't want to face it. I couldn't. I wanted to run away. It simply couldn't happen. It must be a bad dream. Please, somebody, wake me up.
"Renesme, listen to me," he pleaded. He rarely called me by my full name. It meant it was serious. I didn't like how it sounded. I shook my head again. My vision blurred. I was scared. Scare that what he said was true. He held my arms and I tried to struggle but didn't put much strength in it. "Please, listen," his tone dropped to a gentler tone.
"No," my voice was a mere whisper. I met his pleading eyes. My heart broke. There was so much pain in them. What are you doing to me? What is this throbbing pain in my chest?
"I beg you," he paused and averted his eyes. "I-I need this," he paused again as if to gather his thoughts. Then he looked back at me, eyes sparkling with tears. "I'm leaving the Quileute reservation with my pack," my own tears threatened to spill, I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat.
"But...?" my voice broke in a high-pitched squeal. He took a step and threw his arms around me. I struggled and let out little whimpers. His arms squeezed around me.
"I will not come to see you again," he fought to keep his voice steady. He didn't want me to see his tears. His whole body shook. Jacob is my everything, my pillar. I couldn't take it seeing his crumble. I was not used to seeing him in pain. It hurts. It hurts so bad. A wave of raw emotion washed over me. Mine mixed with him. I gasped against his chest. He was drowning me with his distress. I couldn't take it. It was too much. "I can't help feeling bad that you are fighting with Bella and...Edward because of me," I fought with weak punches. "They are your parents, I can't..."
"No," he kissed my hair and kept me solidly held against him. "You can't do this to me," I sobbed. "We are mates," he froze.
"I know," he let go and we gazed into each other's faces. His eyes were wet so as mine. He lowered his head and our lips touched. I let out a sigh. The tension inside my body melted as our kiss deepened. Jacob pulled back slowly and I tentatively move closer. My lips closed on his smile.
"I have to figure things out," he closed his eyes.
"Can't you do that here?" I whispered against his lips. His smile faded.
"I wished I could, but I can't," he opened his eyes again.