21.
My voice came out thin and breathy. My heart racing in my ears. Squeezing my eyes shut I waited for his answer.
"Hey," he said, it was not a cheerful greeting. My heart sank and I grabbed my phone with sweaty hands.
"Did you have dinner already?" I heard him chuckle, followed by fabric rustling. I was unnecessarily nervous.
"Yeah, you know how much I have to eat to keep this body working," there was a hint of mockery in his words. I've seen Jacobs a few times without his shirt on, I've to admit it's tempting. But I'll pretend I'm too youth for that kind of thought. "Emily is pissed whenever I come over to eat. I guess that I'm a deadweight for the clan. Sam just wants me gone," his voice trailed off.
"I—I'm sorry, Jacob," I whispered. How come this conversation steered in that direction?
"It's ok," he let out a nervous laugh. "I'm sorry for dumping this on you. I know you've got your own issue," he made an irritated noise then went on. "I'm being stupid. I'm the adult, I should be the one rational and calm," he exhaled.
"Hey, it's ok. I like that you rely on me. I'm not a little kid," I soothed. He sighed and for a couple of seconds, I couldn't hear him anymore. When he came back he was breathing heavily.
"Re, listen to me. What you told me has been stressing me. I know it's wrong to even think about it. But I can't help it. Please, tell me you were joking about running away. I can't stand the thought you will expose yourself to danger. I've witnessed your mom doing stupid things and I'm praying that you didn't inherit her genes," I smiled at that. Maybe I was more like my mom than I wanted to admit. "Re, please. This is serious. I want to do things right. I promised to wait. I know it's long and tedious. I feel terrible, the distance between us is a dull pain," his voice lowered to a gentle whisper.
"I know," I closed my eyes and sank on my bed. "I want to see you. I want a hug. I feel so lonely," his breath came out shaky against my ear.
"I want, for one moment, to hold you in my arms without the terrible moral and ethical implications. Why can't we be happy?" the phone rattled and he went on. "What have I done—?" I would feel him—his despair through our link.
"Jacob?" I called. It took a minute to get his attention. "Hey, it's ok. I love you just the way you are. I don't mind what others think. I don't care as long as I have you," I let myself fall back on the soft sheets staring at the blank ceiling of my room. Hearing his breath was enough, right now. I've missed him.
"We'll see each other on Friday," he smiled. I could imagine him alone in his messy room. The one he had forbidden me to enter. "Do you want me to bring something over? Snacks, candy, sodas?" his voice rose and fell like waves and I found myself drowning in it.
"Your lips will be enough," I teased.
"Re, that's not fair," he warned and I giggled rolling into the sheets. A sound downstairs made me sprung up on one elbow. My heart skipped a beat. Peeling my ears I listened to the front door as it closed.
"What's wrong?" asked Jacob. he must have picked up on my sudden change in mood.
"It's Dad, I have to go," I said in hast.
"Ok, good night," he said reluctantly. His unwillingness to hang up was kind of cute.
"Love you," I smiled.
"Love you," he answered.