That was my last day at school. Which was so awkward for me. Her letter spoiled my mood. Made me angry. I was just willing to talk with her. Wanted to tell her that, I don't want a nice girl or intelligent girl. I just need her. Wanted to spent the rest of my life with her. But it was not possible.
It was all over now. I can't go to school, talk with her. I can't look her face, through the window. I just can't trouble her, by hiding from her. The sweetest period of my life was over. I had ruined the golden period with my fear and cowardness.
I was just going to the school entrance everyday to see her face, her smile. She was trying to avoid me, but was not successful in doing so. Everyday I was getting the message that, she was crying remembering me, talking about me. So I tried to talk to her, but she refused to talk with me. I requested her, begged her, but she disagreed.
My friends told me to suffer through the feelings, which she had suffered for 2 years. I was sad, depressed. Just realizing how much I troubled her. How much she had suffered. Now it was my turn to suffer.
Like this days passed. The day came, when I had to leave my home, my parents, my village, my love, and had to join JNV. New uniform was made for me. I wore that uniform, and came to my school, to say goodbye to the teachers and friends. I called Linkan and handed him my photo which she had asked for. But when I asked him for her photo. He replied me that she had refused to give her photo. I was surprised.
I left the school so sadly, with tears in my eyes. Linkan assured me that he will ask for her photo, and will give to me in the next vacation. With this hope I went to Paljhar. I entered JNV, Paljhar, Boudh. Made new friends. Got a very nice environment, nice teachers. Humble seniors, loving juniors. So friendly classmates. But I was incomplete without her. I was just waiting for the vacation. Just waiting to get her photo. Just waiting to meet her.
One Sunday, I called my friend Manash. I asked him, how was Roji? By listening Roji's name He got so angry at me. And warned me to not ask anything about her again. I was so surprised. As she was just like sister for him. He tried a lot to bring us together. But now he was scolding her like anything. I asked him the reason, but he had not replied me.Just advised me to forget her and concentrate on studies.
I was so upset. I was unable to get, What made Manash talk so rudely against her. I overthinked, and fell ill. I was sent to my home. As soon as I reached my village, suddenly I went to Manash, and asked him the reason. But he had not replied me. Just told me she was not perfect for me. When I asked him the reason again, he warned me that, if I dare to ask him anything about her. Then he will break our friendship.
I was so upset. A lot of confusion were just eating me from inside. I went to my other friends, asked about Roji. All of them advised me to forget her, she was not my type. But nobody had told me the reason. I was so depressed. Then I went to Linkan, asked about Roji, But suddenly he changed the topic by asking me about JNV. I asked him about Roji again. But he changed the topic again asking me about my new friends. I got angry at him, and warned him to tell me, what the hell was happening.
He also got angry at me and replied me that, "her love was fake. She was not loving me. That was just a way to pass time for her. When he asked her photo, she refused to give tha. When Linkan told her that, I had asked for her photo. Then she replied that, She Don't know me. Then Linkan got angry and told her that if she didn't Know me than return my photo. At this moment, she took out my photo and teared that into pieces."
I was shocked by hearing this, from Linkan.
I sat down, tears came out from my eyes. Linkan came to me, requested me to forget her, and move on. He told me that, I have a bright future, my parents, teachers, friends have a very high expectations from me. Try to fulfill that.
I was totally broken. I tried to talk with her. But was failed. I was suffering a lot. I was unable to belief to the words of Linkan. Then I returned back to school. I was just looking at her gift, the Taj. And started writing shayari. Updating my diary, with old memories.
Days passed, I came to my village again during the Autumn break. I was just searching a chance to meet her. One day my friend, Milan came to me running, and took me with him. I was so happy by seeing my love in front of me. Roji came to our village for shopping. She came with her elder brother. I was looking at her, smiling. She looked at me once, twice, thrice....eight times in twenty minutes. I felt her love for me again.
I scolded me a lot, for my bad thinking about her. She was still loving me, but I had misjudged her, by listening to the words of somebody. I went to my friends, scolded them. Told them that, they were not my true friends, they were just like hunters as my friends etc etc. They had not replied to my scoldings, just told me that when I will need them, they will be ready for me. I neglected them and went away.
I came back to my old days. After the opening of the school. I started visiting the school everyday. Was just standing in front of the entrance, just to see her. Like a roadside Romeo I was waiting for her standing on the roadside. She was coming with her cycle, and was just smiling at me like old days. Which was so pleasurable for me.
One day I thought that was the correct time for me to talk with her. So I followed her, and asked her, to talk with me. But she had moved away, without replying to me. Her friends gave me a look, full of sympathy. I was so depressed thinking, she really loves me or not. If she was not loving me, then why she was smiling by looking at me. By thinking this I got broken again.
The next day I tried again. But was failed again. Then I decided to talk with her friend Sumitra. When I asked Sumitra about Roji. She also advised me to forget her. I was shocked, as the girl trying to bring us together, was suggesting me to forget her. I was so surprised. When I asked her the reason, she replied me that, her friend had changed now. She had made new friends, staying away from her etc etc.
I was totally broken. I went to my friends crying. They managed me, and told by laughing "ek gai toh Kya hua. Thode hi ladkiyon ki kami hey duniyan mein. Hajar mil jaenge." I also laughed at them. I spent that evening with my friends, enjoyed a lot.
After some day I came back to JNV. Was just trying to forget her. Looking at other girls, passing comments, enjoying with friends. I became a rowdy in JNV. Like this, two years passed. But whenever I was coming to my village. I was visiting to school, to see her face, see her smile. She was just smiling at me, but the smile was seeming fake to me.
Nearly I had forgotten her. When one of my friend, Himanchal's sister told me that, she knows everything about me. I thought that Himanchal might had told her about me. But she told me that, she came to know about me, from Roji. She remembers me a lot, and cries hiding from everyone. I just laughed and told her to stop making fun.
But she told me that, she was not making fun. She was serious. If I am not believing her, than I may ask her any question, which I hadn't shared with Himanchal. I asked some questions, which i had not shared with himanchal and she had replied all correctly. I believed her. And was broken again. Thinking how I misjudged her,By hearing somebody's words. I felt guilty again.
I sent one message to Roji, that I want to talk with her. This time she agreed. I was so happy. I came to her tution, to talk with her. But she sent a message that she will talk with me after some day. I waited for a day, two, three....sixteen days passed waiting for her. She was just coming to the tution, smilling by looking at me. But was not talking with me. I had heard a lot about her affairs with another boy. But was thinking that a rumour.
But one day I decided to talk with her, may be with or without her permission. I followed her and asked her to talk with me. She had refused to talk with me, straight forward.
My heart was broken into pieces. But I had a belief that she loves me. So I had tried 2-3 times, but failed.
All of my friends were advising me, requesting me to forget her. But I was unable to forget her. I had the belief that one day she will come back to my life. She still loves me. I became mad in her love.
Despite of my a lot of afford, I was unable to forget her completely. I was just waiting for a chance to talk with her, consult her, clarify everything. So, I was waiting for the last day of her college. The day came, her friend convinced her to talk with me. I was waiting for her. She came to our village with her friends, entered into the hotel. I sent my friend to her to ask her, "may I talk to her now". But she refused, I was so furious. Was she making fun of me, my emotions. I was just going to her, to scold her. But was stopped by my friend. Her brother was coming by his bike. She sat on the bike, and gone. I was just standing on the road helplessly. Scolding my faith.
But one day, my father came to me. He told me that Roji is not a good girl. I should forget her and move on. He requested me to don't ruin my prestige, his prestige in front of the public. Waiting for her, on the main road. Following her like a roadside romeo. My father had not talked me like that earlier. I was shocked by his words. And put stones on my heart to forget her. Then slowly slowly I started forgetting her. But was getting updated about the darkness behind her fake smile, about the game she was playing.
I scolded me a lot as I had choosen a wrong person. My first love was for that girl, who didn't know even the meaning of love. Love was just a way to pass time for her. Just smilling at boys and playing with their hearts, was a hobby of her. I laughed at me a lot. And scolded myself for avoiding my Friends, misunderstanding them, fighting with them for the one, who gave me pain, only pain.
Now I am so happy with my friends, family and my life.
"Hum to apko dekhte hi apk hogaye the...
Apk sath jindegi sajane k sapne dekha karte the....
Apne Jo muskuraya Jo humdardi dikhayi...
Usko hum apki pyar samajh bethe....
Humein Kya pata tha hum jindegi samajh Kar mout se hi mohabbat Kar bethe.... "
" Sukriya humein apne jindegi se milane k lie.."
OVER