Space Cowboy Arc
18th April
Ahmad brought his daughter along for our expedition. I probably should've refused to let her onboard, but against my better judgement I allowed her to join us, on the condition that she actually participates in the work and helps out. Time will only tell whether I will come to regret this decision.
When I turn around after closing the door behind me, I see Ahmad seated in front of the main control panel. Even though there are multiple windows that give a pretty good view of the outside, the asteroid dodging is done via monitors on the panels, rather than looking with the naked eye. In fact, the asteroids are difficult to see with the naked eye. When they aren't caught by the sun at just the right angle, they're almost impossible to catch.
I don't say anything, as I sit down in the seat next to him. We don't have to. The two of us have been at this together for such a long time, that there's no need for either of us to say something. No need for a meaningless greeting.
After I pass a bit of time, staring at the view ahead, I yawn and ask, "any trouble?"
"No, nothing went wrong. The ship's holding up well, and we haven't come at all close to any big asteroids."
I had actually been asking about his daughter, but on second thought that might be a bit rude. Well, I assume I'll find out eventually one way or another if anything happened. Not that she did anything wrong per se, I'm just wondering why I'm here sitting next to Ahmad, and not her. Once again, the two of us fall back into silence for a time. The next time we talk, it's Ahmad who speaks first.
"What did you think of the moonchild?"
"Hmm… I'm not sure. How do you mean?"
"As in… well, personally it creeped me out. He was so strangely tall and skeletal looking. And those red eyes… something about them scared me."
"Really? I actually thought she looked beautiful. Different, yes, but beautiful."
The two of us looked at each other, Ahmad with a strange look on his face, "did you say she?"
"Of course, I said she," I replied, "it was a woman… wasn't it?"
"No, no, no. That was a man, I'm sure of it. You could tell by the way he walked."
"Maybe they just all walk like men on the moon. You can tell by the shape of her face that it was a woman."
I hear the door creak, as it is pushed open from behind us. The two of us turn toward the door to see Ahmad's daughter standing there. She regards the two us, and perhaps I imagined it, but she seems to narrow her eyes when she looks in my direction.
"Do you know, Hana? The moonchild is a boy, yes?"
Hana. That's her name. I'd better not forget it again.
She, Hana, answers, "His name is Akira, and yes he's a man."
Ahmad looked back at me, "there you have it."
I lean back in my chair, "Akira sounds like a girl's name to me."
I catch Hana staring at me after that, with a look of contempt. What did I do wrong? Whatever it is, it seems that Ahmad's daughter has taken a dislike to me. Under normal circumstances, what teenage girls think of me wouldn't bother me at all, but we're out in the asteroid belt, stuck on a tiny mining ship together. It would not be good for her to hate me.
Eventually Hana breaks eye contact with me, and turns to her father, "I'm going to make something to eat, do you want anything?"
"No, I'm good thanks," Ahmad says. At some point without me noticing, he had turned around back toward the controls and monitors. He didn't look at her when Hana talked to him.
"Okay then," Hana's tone seems slightly angry. Rude even. Isn't that disrespectful to talk to her parent's like that? I almost say something, but stop myself. That isn't my place. If Ahmad isn't going to say anything about it, then I shouldn't either. Especially considering what I just thought about us all being stuck on the same ship together for a few weeks.
After Hana leaves the room, I turn to Ahmad, "is it just me, or does she not like me?"
"I don't know," he replied, without taking his eyes off the monitor.
"She's your daughter, isn't she?"
At that, Ahmad finally peeled his eyes away from the screen, "but I haven't seen her since she was five years old, have I? Obviously, she's changed a lot since then… I barely recognise her, to be honest. I don't think any parent would after nine years away from their child, but I think it makes it worse that she grew up in a completely different environment… completely different world, from us."
Ahmad turned back to the monitor, effectively ending the conversation, but what he said made me realise something. I was being unfair to Hana. I'd projected what I expected her to be like before I even met her. I think I thought that she would be just a younger, feminine, version of Ahmad, but that's far from the case. I didn't think about her circumstances at all. She grew up on the moon, in what is the most socially liberalising culture in all of history, a far cry from the conservative and traditional upbringing that myself and Ahmad had. Of course, she is, then, a completely different person than Ahmad. I feel stupid now for not thinking about it properly. And guilty for not thinking about what it was like on her side of things. Someone had taught me that once long ago, and I'm ashamed that I'd forgotten something so important. It's shameful to the memory of her, that I would forget something that she had taught me.
"I think I'm going to go apologise."
Back in the recreation area, Hana is still making her meal when I walk in. The only food we have onboard is canned and packaged meals imported from Luna. Sadly, the new imports arriving along with the passengers of the Proserpina, have yet to be unloaded, so the food we do have is quite old now. After three years, even if it is still safe to eat, a lot of the flavouring and texture is gone. Not that there is much when it is fresh, anyway.
As I approach, I see that she's opening a chicken and corn soup. Hana keeps working without so much as bothering to greet me. I think Ahmad is right. She did find the way me, probably both of us, were acting to be disrespectful. And while I did say that I was going to apologise, now that I'm here, I don't know what I should say. So, I come to a rest leaning on the bench, and I watch Hana whilst she works.
"Did you want something?"
She asks me without turning around. Without looking to see me, she continues on with her cooking. I guess I should just get it over with, and apologise.
"I wanted to say that I'm sorry about how I've been acting. I didn't think about how you felt about what I was saying. Or rather, I assumed that you would act and think the same way that your father does. That wasn't very fair of me on you. So, I'm sorry."
When I finish talking, Hana finally turns around. The look on her face isn't one that I've seen before from her, "well, I wasn't really that upset with you. I'm just a bit tense at the moment. I think… just finally getting off the Proserpina only to find myself on an even smaller ship… it's made me a bit disorientated."
"Okay," I don't press her, but that doesn't sound right. The way she paused while she was talking doesn't sound convincing, but if she doesn't want to tell me the real reason why, then that's fine. We only just met each other, after all.
I continue on, saying, "well, if you ever need anything, you can talk to me."
After I say that, Hana stares at me, and I realise how weird that sounded. Why did I say that? That isn't something I would usually say, nor is it something you say to someone you just met.
"Sorry, I… I'm not sure why I said that," as I finish talking, I facepalm so that I don't have to look at Hana's reaction. Why did I say that? I'm still unsure, but for some reason it felt like the right thing to say, even though it isn't the right thing to say to someone you don't know. Maybe Hana is similar to her. No. No, those two are nothing alike.
I hear Hana laughing, giggling happily in a way only someone as young as her can. I look up, and see the happy look on her face. Looking at her, I realise that I don't think I'd seen her smile once before now.
"Don't worry about it. I'm happy you said that, though," she smiled, "thanks for understanding, and I'm sorry too."