Resting on the wooden bench at the edge of the lake, I drink in the beautiful soothing scenario of Tau Daha. Hours of cycling to reach here is always worth it. It is so peaceful here, I feel my chaotic heart settle down bit by bit. 'People are not rain or snow or autumn leaves; they do not look beautiful when they fall.' I wanted to be strong enough for everyone I loved, but it feels like I am falling, like I have reached my limit, like I have stayed too strong too long... It is strange how often a heart must be broken before the years can make it wise. I slump down and let my head drop backwards to rest on top of the bench.
With tears in my eyes, I think of my mom... If you were here, would you too marry me off to him?...
My mom died from illness when I was in Grade 7. Thinking about it a lot happened that year.. I sometimes wonder if it was because I kept asking who my father was. She finally gave in and told me she was in relationship with a married man, love can be so blind. I stare at far end of the lake, I hope someday I will go to sea and play with seawaves.. Our country has no sea, but someday soft seawaves will play with me. Thinking about it, it seems both mom and I have no luck in love. I was in love with in a boy who broke up with me in less than a week without giving a proper reason. But then wasn't it because of this, my mom finally told me about father.
I get up unable to stay calm anymore, I hold my cycle and start walking around the lake.
I wonder if father would never leave mom, had she not been pregnant with me. I feel angry thinking of what mom told me about him leaving him suddenly knowing she was pregnant. 'NO,' I frown, 'such a man don't deserve my mom.' Mom made me promise to never try find who that man was, she never told me his name. Did she love her until the end? What is her heart made of to love such a man? I pause to watch fishes.
Mom's sister adopted me, gave me a family, a dad. I feel lucky to have a family, a loving and caring dad. Even if they set this arranged marriage, I know they only want what's best for me. I will survive this blow too. After walking a while, I sat down on bench and took out my lunch. Egg roti and tomato achar, Hisila's favourite; she would have gobbled down all this. With my appetite gone, I close the box and put it back in. I must meet her today at her house and explain it all, I can't lose her no matter what. I think of the first time we met, it was in Grade 1. She was transfer student who came in midterm. No one in class would sit with me, but she walked right up to me and sat beside me. With the sweetest smile I had ever seen, she took my hand and asked to be my friend. I was so happy to finally have a friend. She even always stood up for me when I got bullied telling I had no father, and never left my side no matter what. She was always there to cheer me on after that break up and support me even when I lost my mom. The most treasured person in my life, I won't lose you; I spontaneously touch my chest. So much happened so suddenly for her, heartbreak, betrayal, news of marriage, like her world turned upside down, I would have reacted way worse than her had I been in her place. How stupid of me to have let her suffer alone at such hard time. I hurriedly ride my cycle, racing up to Hisi's home.
"Hisi" I called for her as soon as I reached her house, but no response. I walked in her house, her maid told me she had not returned from university yet. That's strange, class must have been over an hour ago. Worried, I raced up to university and ran in the class. No one was there, I checked art class without luck. Where could she go, if she is not here or home. I cycled my way to her favourite place, Rudravarna Vihar, she would always go there at times of distress. But there too, there was no sign of her. I checked few other places I thought she could be. It was getting dark so I went back to her house to see if she had returned but she wasn't there yet. I waited an hour then another hour but she never came. Did she over to her aunt? Guess, I will have to wait until tomorrow to meet her.. Defeated, I returned my home. To my greatest surprise, I saw Hisi and Sejun looking out my window. I got off my cycle and Hisi came running to me as soon as she saw me and hugged me tight. Holding each other, we both cried for a long time. "Sorry to break this moment" Sejun spoke awkwardly, "but this delicious smell os making me hungrier than I am" he said blushing. We both laughed at him, hand in hand we followed Sejun inside the house.
Indeed, house was filled with smell of my favorite dishes. "Hisi, you are the best" I jumped and hugged her, planting a kiss on her cheek.