Eloi Samantha's Point of View
Isang linggo na ang lumipas pero hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang dapat kong gawin, dapat ko bang pigilan ang kasal dahil mahal ko pa siya o hayaan na lang siyang maging masaya?
Dapat ko bang sundin ang puso ko? O ang utak ko?
Ang hirap magdesisyon lalo na't alam mo ang mga maaaring mangyari.
When I saw the invitation card I want to cry, gusto ko na lang iiyak lahat, part of me want to stop the wedding but part of me do not like the idea of stealing Paolo to Ida.
Hindi lahat ng bagay na gusto natin ay makukuha natin, parang sa tao lang, hindi lahat ng tao na gusto nating makasama ay ibibigay ng Panginoon, pero mahal ko siya, mahal na mahal ko siya. Sabi niya hindi siya tumigil mahalin ako ngunit bakit papakasalan niya si Eadaion?
Ito na yung araw ng kasal, Ika-15 ng Agosto, taong 2020. Ayoko pang matapos ang araw na ito, sapagkat hindi ko alam kung ikasisiya ko ba ang katapusan.
Papunta kami ngayon sa designer ng aking Wedding Gown, lihis ang way mula sa chapel na dadausan ng kasal ni Ida at Paolo, nakatingin lamang ako sa bintana habang nasa byahe kami, pagkataas-taas nang lipad ng utak ko, maski ako ay hindi na ito maabot. Nahihirapan akong magdesisyon.
"If you still love him, do everything you can to stop this."
Mahal ko si Shiro, pero mahal ko pa rin si一mas mahal ko pa rin si Paolo, but I can't bear to hurt Shiro's feelings, he never hurt me, so do I have a right to do something he never did to me? I can't hurt him, I can't.
I never stopped loving Paolo, I never did. But I started to reciprocate Shiro's feelings, but not as much as what he gave me. Will he understand me if I leave him?
"We're here," itinigil ni Shiro ang kotse sa harap ng isang magandang building, it's a 4-storey building that simple contains a normal looking architectural design, but despite having a simple building, the owner of the place is Felicidad El Castillo, a famous Filipino-Spanish fashion designer, she is prolly into designing wedding gowns.
Unang bumaba si Tita Shina, sumunod naman si Mama at hindi ko namalayan ako na lang ang naiwan sa loob ng kotse.
Naalala ko na naman ang katotohanan sa pagkatao, I can't stop thinking about it. And Paolo's wedding. And my mixed feelings. I don't know what to freaking do!
May nagbukas ng aking pintuan.
"You alright?" tanong niya sa akin habang mayroong nag-aalalang itsura.
I bit my lips, bakit ang bait ni Shiro? Lalp akong nahihirapan.
Why do I have to choose? Bakit ako binigyan ng ganitong choices anyway? Why?
"Hey?" ulit niya pa, huminga ako ng malalim at ngumiti.
Bumaba na ako, inalalayan niya ako. "I am good, tara na sa loob?" nginitian niya rin ako, nagsimula na siya maglakad papasok. Si Tita at Mama ay nauna na dahil excited ng makita ang gown ko.
Eloisa, do it now while you are still outside. Run. Run. isip ko, ngunit humakbang pa rin papasok ng building.
Pumasok kami sa workroom ni Felicidad, may mga nakadisplay na wedding gowns and of course it has different designs and components, kapag tititigan ko ang mga ito napapabilib ako sapagkat hindi inakala na pwedeng maging magkakaiba ang puting gowns, it's all beautiful.
We saw some workers along the way, furnishing the gowns, we saw some sketches as well posted on a big whiteboard.
Nang makarating na kami sa isang malaking room na mayroong malaking salamin and a sofa Felicidad, the designer is there, she said hello and shook our hands.
She's as young as a rose, hindi siguro nalalayo ang edad namin, she's an amateur designer by the way, but a famous one.
"I finally met you in person," she introduced. I just sent my stats and my measurements because of busy schedule, nginitian ko lamang siya. "So, without a further a-do, fit your gown na."
She led me to the fitting room and there I saw a beautiful white exquisite gown, my eyes are sparkling as I sighted the small diamond-like crystals, the gown's longsleeves made it even more gorgeous. I suddenly pictured myself wearing it in my wedding day.
I snapped out.
Am I really going to do it?
Choose now, freaking choose now!
"Miss Samantha?" gising sa akin ni Felicidad. "Try it on," sabi niya and the next thing I realized I am wearing the gown.
My mom's face is glowing as she saw me walking towards her while wearing a beautiful white wedding gown, dumako naman ang mata ko kay Tita Shina at pareho lang sila ng expression ng aking ina, when I looked at Shiro, he's blank, he's just looking at me as if he's reading a really complicated accounting problem.
Napamura ako sa aking isipan.
Alam niya ang nasa isip ko.
Yinakap ako ni Mama, it was a really tight hug.
Nakita ko ang oras sa wallclock. 4PM. Mag-uumpisa na ang kasal anytime, nag-dadalawang isip pa rin ako.
"I can't believe my daughter is getting married!" masaya niyang anunsyon habang nakayakap pa rin sa akin, I am still looking at Shiro, I want to know what he feels, what he wants to say, what angers him, what he wants me to do. I badly want him to talk, to be angry at me.
He closed his eyes that broke our painful stare, when he opened it, he looked directly at me.
My world slowed down as he mouthed.
"Go."
Napapikit ako sa nakita ng mata ko. I can't. I just realized it and I can't hurt Shiro. I can't!
Iminulat ko ang aking mata. Umiling ako.
"Hija, are you excited for your wedding, kami kasi ng一" I lost my hearing for a moment, I wasn't able to hear anything while looking at Shiro.
Patuloy ako sa pag-iling, a tear fell from my eyes.
"Go, Samantha," basa ko sa bibig niya, napatingin si Mama at Tita kay Shiro, napagtanto ko na binigkas na niya iyon. "Mom, Tita, Sam's leaving and we just decided to broke off the engagement, go now, while I am still giving you a chance," he said then smile.
"Wh-What are you talking about, Shiro? Br-Broke off?"
Lumapit sa akin si Shiro, pinunasan niya ang luha sa pisngi ko. "Run, please, tumakbo ka na, baka kapag nag-stay ka pa rito magbago pa ang isip ko at huwag ka nang pakawalan pa, umalis ka na, Sam, please," aniya, he pushed me towards the exit.
I saw how his mom's face looks so shocked even my own mother's face, pati ng nga workers, thry can't believe what they are seeing.
I counted three and walked but I couldn't stop myself from going back and hugging Shiro.
"I am really sorry, you deserve someone who would love you as much as you love her, and I know that isn't me, Shiro, I am really sorry," sambit ko sa kaniya. He tapped my back.
"It's fine, no go, stop his wedding," aniya sa akin at saka ako nginitian, I smiled one last time and bid my farewell to the guy who treated me well.
I looked straight ahead and run towards the exit of the building.
Nang makalabas na ako ay pumara ako ng taxi.
I was running out of breath when I entered the taxi. "241 North Polvver, 34th Street, kuya, sa may Wedding Chapel paki bilis po sana."
Maayos na ang pakiramdam ko nang may matanggap akong call, galing ito sa isang unknown number. "Eloisa Ramos! Asan ka na? Do you hear that sounds?" I heard a wedding march song. "Nagsisimula na ang kasal, wala ka talagang balak? So ipupush mo lang yung kaartehan mong pagpapanggap na may amnesia ka at hindi mo na mahal si Paolo? Pang best actress ha!" si Japs ito, I am pretty sure.
"I am coming, I am coming, can you do a scene there?" I asked.
"What? This is a sacred place! But sure, I will try, pakibilis lang please, see you!"
Nataranta ako dahil sa nalaman kong nagsisimula na ng kasal. Paano ba ako makakabot sa lagay na ito?
"Kuya, pwede pong pakibilisan? May kasal po kasi akong hinahabol."
"Ikaw ang bride, Ma'am?"
Umiling ako. "Hindi po."
"E bakit naka-gown ka Ma'am?" napapikit ako sa nakita ko, traffic pa.
"Kuya wala na po bang ibang way?"
"Wala na po, ganito talaga ka-traffic dito kapag Linggo."
Balak ko sanang takbuhin na lang ngunit mas lalo akong hindi aabot kaya naghintay na lang ako hanggang sa mawala ang traffic, and it aas hopeless, I lost track of the time, halos isang oras din pala akong nastuck sa traffic.
Pagkadating na pagkatdating sa Polvver. Bumaba ako agad, doon nakita ko ang Chapel, mataas ito at may hagdanan ka pang dapat daanan.
Binuhat ko ang gown ko at hindi inalintala ang bigat nito, I saw some strangers and vendors and they are looking at me furiously.
Malalaking hakbang ang ginawa ko upang maakyat ako nang mabilis at nang makita ko na ang front ng Chapel, binuksan ko ang pinto, doon bumungad sa akin ang kumpulan ng tao na kinukuhanan ng litrato, hindi ko makita si Paolo at Ida dahil sa mga nakakalat na tao.
Napabuntong hininga ako.
The wedding is obviously finished. They already took a vow and already a married couple. I am not stupid to realize that beforehand.
I had second thoughts, I doubted my love for Paolo and this is the outcome of that mistake.
Kung mas inagahan ko edi sana nasabi ko sa kaniya na mahal ko pa siya at handa akong sumugal ulit para sa kaniya. Handa akong tanggapin ulit siya.
Tumalikod ako, wala nang rason para manatili ako rito. Kusa na lamang tumulo ang luha sa mga mata ko, naginginig na ako sa sobrang sakit ng kirot ng puso ko.
Ganito ba talaga kapag nagmahal ka? Lagi ba talaga iyong may kadugtong na sakit? Nagmahal lang naman ako, ah? It's not as if I killed someone to have this kind of punishment, a punishment that is as deadly as death penalty.
Nagmahal lang naman ako, minahal ko lang naman si Paolo.
If I didn't met him, will that change anything?
Then, I shouldn't have... hindi ko na dapat pa tinuloy pa ang deal namin noon.
Before I am just me, I am Eloisa Ramos. While his name is Andrei Paolo Scott. He asked me to be his girlfriend... his fake girlfriend. I said yes because it will benefit me. But I should've said no. "I love you but I can't give up everything for you," that's what he told me when we broke up. Those words hurt me so much. Fate brought us together, but it separated us as well. It was an almost happily ever after. Our happily ever after that turned into a unexpected painful memories.
Masakit mang amininin pero grabe ang kirot na dinulot niya sa akin, bakit ba minahal ko siya ng ganito?
Hindi ko siya magawang sisihin dahil alam ko namang wala siyang kasalanan, it was me all along, I was always unsure about my feelings for him, I am always walking backwards and never walked forward for us to have a better future.
It was my fault I never took a step to grab him again.
Tumingin ako sa langit, bumuntong-hininga ako. "So this is how you would write my life, God? Full of revelations, twists and pains?" tanong ko sa itaas. "You should've at least let me see Paolo and Eadaion looking happy with each other, why did you let me leave already? I can't enter that Chapel again looking like a runaway pitiful bride."
I can't be bitter all my life, I am already in my 20's. If we aren't meant to be, fine. But I love him, I swear.
Inalis ko ang luha sa mga mata ko, sa huling pagkakataon tumingin muli ako sa langit, tumama sa mata ko ang araw, hinarangan ko iyon ng aking palad, I flinched.
But then, a white umbrella did cover my sight from the rays of the sunlight.
Nandilim ang paningin ko kaya napapikit ako, dahan-dahan kong iminulat ang aking mata at doon bumungad sa akin ang mukha ng taong pinaka mamahal ko.
He smiled at me as if he isn't a married man.
It's Paolo, wearing his formal clothes, fine and handsome enough for him to be someone's husband.
"Hindi ko inexpect na makikita kita rito, wearing that," aniya sa akin, bakit tunog okay ang tono ng boses niya? "You look beautiful, Eloisa."
I chuckled. "Fine, since andito ka naman na, it's better to tell everything to you, I never had an amnesian, and I still love you, andito ako para sana pigilin ang kasal mo dahil I realized there is no such thing as a bloodline barrier between us, but the traffic is so rapid, and I couldn't make it on time, so, if you will excuse me, I have to return this gown to it's rightful place," nilagpasan ko siya pero hinila niya ang braso ko at yinakap ako.
Sinubukan kong kumalas sa pagkakayakap niya pero napakahigpit nito.
I felt his breath on my ears. "So this is what I get in return, God, I really love my sister," rinig kong sambit niya habang yakap ako. "But I love you more."
When I had a chance to let go from his hug, umalis na ako sa pagkakayakap niya.
"You just got married, Paolo, aren't you disgusted of yourself? Going back to the playful you?" tumawa siya.
"Married? Me? With whom?" napairap ako, ano yun ikakaila niya na kinasal siya when the proof is right in front of my eyes?
"Ida!" sigaw ko.
Tumawa siya ng malakas kaya tumingin na ang mga tao sa amin. "You really think I will marry that girl? For pete's sake, Eloisa, she's in relationship with Julian. And if there's a girl I will be marrying, it's you, only you."
Wait, what? He didn't? And Ida is in relationship with who? Julian? What is this? A joke?
I can't chew the words he's giving me.
Tinalikuran ko siya at inilagay ko ang palad ko sa aking noo.
"This is absurd, really absurd," bulong ko.
Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Paolo sa aking bewang, iniharap niya ako sa kaniya.
"Can you stop this, Paolo?" I said and took a step backward. "You just got married!"
He chuckled, ginulo niya ang kaniyang buhok. "I fucking did not got married, it was my sister and Ida's brother, it wasn't me and her."
Pagkasabi niya noon ay may lumabas sa Chapel na babaeng naka-gown at lalaking nakaputing tuxedo. Binubuhusan sila ng petals at masayang nakangiti, ganon din ang mga tao sa paligid nila.
"Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Lorenz!" sigaw ng isang babae na nagpabagsak ng panga ko.
"See?" Paolo whispered.
"I一I don't understand. On the invitation it says Ms. Lorenz + Mr. Scott."
"It's a scheme made by Andrea."
"Shit. Shit. Shit," nasabi ko na lamang.
"I love you, Eloisa," he said as he touch my face. "I'd rather stay single than marrying Eadaion, don't you fucking get that? I love you, I love you!" sigaw niya sa huling pagsabi ng I love you.
Tinalikuran niya ako, I have no idea what he's up to but he just shouted the hell of him.
"You see that girl in wedding dress, that beautiful girl? I love her! I love her and she's the only person I will be marrying! I love you, El一" hindi na ako nakatiis kaya nilapit ko siya tinakpan ang kaniyang bibig pero patuloy pa rin sa pagpiglas at pagsigaw ng mahal niya ako.
Natawa ako at napadusdos sa bisig niya.
"Finally, napatawa rin kita," aniya saka ngiti sa akin.
"Why are you stubborn?"
"Because I love you, I think that's enough for me to act stubborn in any circumtances."
Hindi ko namalayan napangiti na pala ako, I couldn't take it anymore, inilagay ko ang braso ko sa leeg niya at saka siya hinalikan, naramdaman ko naman ang dalawang palad niya sa aking pisngi at ang malalalim niyang halik sa akin.
Kumawala muli ako at tinalukuran siya.
Humakbang ako pababa sa hagdan, when I am already five steps away from him. I looked at him, nakangiti lang siya ng malawak, ako rin ay nakangiti ng pagkalaki-laki.
"I love you," I mouthed.
Umiling siya habang nakangiti pa rin. "I can't hear you."
"I said I love you!" sigaw ko at tinakbo niya ako pababa.
"I love you too." aniya sabay buhat sa akin.
Nakangiti kaming dalawang habang pababa sa hagdanan, buhat-buhat niya ako at alam naming dalawa na pinagtitinginan na kami but we don't care.
I took us years to realize we still love each other.
And now that we realized it, we are ready to face the world and how they would read between the lines.
I am happy to be under his arms and running from everything, we love each other and we will stay like that eternally.
The fate played us, but we are strong enough to fight that battle and continue loving each other, always and forever.
And I can't believe this is how our story ends, a happy one, so it's a happily ever after all I must say, the plot twists are all obstacles that we should run into.
Tumigil sa pagtakbo si Paolo, ibinaba niya ako at nagtama ang mata namin.
Lumuhod siya sa harapan ko.
"Let's spend the rest of our lives together. I now know that you and I are truly fated to be together. There are many ways to be happy in this life, but all I really need is you. This time Eloisa I'd give up anything to hear a "yes" from you. Will you一will you marry me?" may inilabas siyang sing-sing sa aking harapan at napatakip ako ng bibig, I didn't saw this coming.
"Yes," I said while smiling.
I thought knowing that we do love each other is the end of our story but I am wrong, this is just the beginning, we will continue writing our story, and we are now the author of our own lives.
The End.