"Well you know your dad and I's story, so I am not against a quick marriage. As long as you are both committed to each other it will work. But I also don't want you to feel like you have to for the sake of the kids.
"Don't marry him out of pity. Decide on if you think he is someone with whom you could be partners with for life. One day those kids will grow up and leave. When they do it will only be the two of you left.
"I know you have a good head on your shoulders so we will trust your decision. But I want you to call me whenever you need to think things through. I will also be calling you for updates. Ok?"
"Ok." We talked for a little more after that before Mom had to go for dinner. After we hung up instead of turning the tv back on, I sat there and thought about my parents love story. I had grown up hearing it countless times being told, and re-told, the lessons you could learn from it.
My parents did not meet until they were both in their thirties. However both maintained a more traditional view on romantic relationships and did not go around dating just anyone. Each focused on their respective careers and building their own lives.
As my mom likes to put it, a marriage is not two halves of a person becoming one, but rather two whole persons coming together to make a larger whole. My sisters and I were all raised with the mindset of becoming ourselves, having our own lives and careers before getting into a serious romantic relationship.
After two terrible boyfriends in high school I finally admitted my mom was right.
My parents had met out of town when each of their respective group of friends went on a vacation at the same Mountain Resort. They met at dinner when my mom's friend, who was a major social butterfly, interacted with the table next to theirs where my dad was sitting.
That night the Resort was hosting a square dancing event, and the two tables decided to go together to be partners. Obviously my dad became my mother's partner. That night they just clicked, and when they discovered they lived in the same city, they exchanged numbers.
Though my mom could have called him after returning home she decided not to. She had been through the whole yo-yo treatment with a guy before who could not make a commitment. From that experience she had come to the conclusion that her own mother was right about something.
If a guy is not man enough to pursue you, he is not ready for you.
In other words, if he was not brave enough to face the possibility of rejection then he was not mature enough to be good husband material. Therefore, my mom refused to be the main pursuer in a relationship as she knew a woman should be valued by her perspective husband from the beginning.
My dad did not disappoint her. A few days after they both had returned from their trips, he called and asked her on a date. But when he asked for her address so he could come to pick her up something unexpected happened.
They discovered they lived in the same apartment complex! In fact later when my mom had timed it, it only took 23 seconds to walk from her front door to his. Yet they had never talked before.
It was then my mom realized she had seen him before regularly, but only from behind. Except for that one time... it was only from behind... She suddenly recalled an incident where she had almost run into a person with her car in the parking lot... That person was my dad...
From this mom always taught us that destiny is all about timing. Even if your destined to be together one day, until it is the right time for you to meet, you won't.
When my mom asked him how long he had been serious about finding a wife before they had met my dad answered honestly.
Six months!
He had not even considered getting married to anyone before then! My mom was a regular woman and had been waiting for the right person to appear before her for years! Years! She was already thirty but he had only been thinking about it for six months!
From this my mom could only conclude that it is not necessarily one's fault they are single. It could just be that their destined one was not ready yet. This was another lesson I had drilled into me as a child.
Anyways, after that first call they started to date. My dad passed my mom's test of being the main pursuer in the relationship with flying colors. As a result they went on a couple dates and talked regularly on the phone.
However, soon it was the holiday season and they both found themselves too busy to meet up. Though they still kept in contact with each other via phone calls.
After the holidays they went on a couple more dates until it was finally Valentine's Day. As one would expect they dressed up and went out for a nice dinner, but it was not until they returned to my mom's apartment did they exchange gifts.
My dad gave her a pretty necklace that he had gotten as a free give away from something, and my mom gave him a simple cheesy Valentine's Day mug that had written in progressively larger letters, 'My Love For You Grows And Grows'.
Somehow they had developed a habit of hanging out at my mom's to watch tv after their dates. And yes they actually just innocently spent time with each other watching tv.
After exchanging gifts, my dad went back to his apartment so they both could changed into something more comfortable. When he came back he was visibly nervous, and was sweating bullets as they sat next to each other on the couch looking at the tv.
My mom came to the conclusion that he was probably going to tell her that he liked her. In spite of being the one to initiate every one of their date's, he had not actually formed the words "I like you" yet. So my mom waited patiently for him to speak.
Finally he did. "Kaya," he started and my mom looked directly over at him. "Will you marry me?"