"It was a freezing December night. Even with thick sweaters and blankets, our feet wouldn't get warm. So, Jade and I shared a bed and just as we fell asleep, I was woken up by the sound of a thud. It was Frea's friend, dragging Jade out of the room, with a her mouth gagged and hands tied and I think they weren't expecting me to wake up, so they.."
She blinked a few times, remembering slowly,
"I tried to scream so Frea slapped me and I hit my head on the bed's iron rod and passed out." Luna pursed her lips after saying this.
So, the scar on her head was from that..
"When I woke up again, I was also being dragged behind Jade. They brought us to the steel platform. That hour was when one of the officers in that corridor went for a lunch break and the other one changed shifts. And besides that all the cells were locked by then."
Molly clenched her jaw, embarking on a self guilt trip of her own.
"They threw Jade against the railing, and started hitting her. And Brie was also there with them. She had had a fight with Jade a week earlier because Jade wouldn't let me hang out with her but I still couldn't believe she betrayed us like that."
Her eyes started to burn behind her lids and tears threatened to escape,
"And she was the one who figured out how to keep our cell open.
An- and they just kept punching and kicking Jade, pushing her closer and closer to the damaged part of the railing, so brutally, and it was so unfair." Her voice came out stricken and tiny sobs erupted from her,
"One person against four! I was still on the floor and since they weren't paying attention to me I worked out how to get my hands free. I knew little combat but still I could've at least bought her some time to run. But.."
She opened her eyes in horror as the final block on her memory lifted,
"But it was too late and Brie pushed her?" Molly tried finishing her sentence for her but Luna didn't respond and stayed frozen in her position.
And she finally remembered with immense dread that Brie did in fact push Jade, but before that, as Luna got up, Frea advanced towards Jade with a kitchen knife. Stupefied, Luna's heart stopped and so did she at that moment, dumbly waiting for Frea to do it. But Brie intervened and pushed Jade towards the jiggling railing.
Jade looked to Luna. And for the first time her eyes held such terror, such manic panic that she almost didn't look like the Jade she knew. It must've been a reflex as she stretched her hand towards Luna, reaching out for a savior.
The last time Luna saved someone, her whole world turned upside down but that was no excuse for what she had done.
Or rather had 'not' done.
It was no excuse for her moment of oblivious panic.
And the world muted as she watched Jade be pulled down by gravity,
Her mind went completely blank with thousands of words and actions floating around, none sticking. And in the end the only thing she could do was walk to the railing and look down, and watch as the slow stream of blood flowed from the curly haired girl's head. And her once dancing eyes, now lifeless staring up.
Luna remembered that someone screamed, it was Brie.
She also remembered that Brie had screeched at Luna that she was supposed to catch her, she wasn't supposed to let her fall.
Luna's brain had erased the incident just a week later and that's why she told the officers what she wanted to believe, that Brie had murdered Jade.
But deep down she always knew that Brie was telling the truth. She was getting Jade out of the knife's way, not pushing her to her death. And she expected Luna to catch her, and Luna let her down. She let Jade down.
She let the world lead her to believe that ignoring someone's call for help just because it will result in your loss was the way to live life. That it was okay to be selfish.
And in truth this time she was afraid of the knife, she was afraid for her own life. Even though the french man who attacked Ella was a bigger threat.
"Yes." Luna's voice came out dry and automatic, "That's what happened."
Molly looked at Sogeum, concerned over Luna's condition, she looked like someone whose soul had been pulled out and she was watched as it left her.
"It's normal. Some memories are stronger than others and so is their effect when they come back. She'll be fine." She turned to Luna, "Well done, Luna. You've been very brave."
The words were like hammering on her chest, brave? After she had failed to save her best friend even when she could've?
She could feel a wave of chaotic darkness threatening to engulf her but she couldn't break down in front of these two. They would try to help her and at that moment all she wanted was to be alone so that she could beat herself up over what she had done.
Because up til now, she hadn't even felt remorse over it all, because she didn't even fucking remember it! And Jade deserved better than that, so much better.
"I would like to go home now."
"Are you sure? How about we go get something to eat together? My flight is in the morning."
Luna stood up and steadied herself gripping the chair, "Im sorry but Im not feeling too well.."
"Oh okay, maybe some other day then." Molly gave her a reassuring smile but Luna was unable to accept it.
She stood still as Molly gave her a side hug,
"Oh and I was hesitant earlier.. but now that I know you've overcome your past pain, I guess I should be able to give you this." She pulled a black velvet pouch from her bag and folded Luna's fingers around it.
Without opening it in front of her, Luna bid her a distant good bye and walked out of the office.
Jihoon walked in after her while typing on his phone and not looking up at her, "I'll make it quick and then we can get lunch." He walked past her and she was silently glad that he didn't look at her, afraid that his compassionate gaze would compel to her break down.
Instead of sitting on the waiting room chairs, she walked out of the clinic and started walking down the street, with no destination on her mind.