(Conversations month after Animagus ritual.)
(Me & System)
A month passed since ritual. That's when one of the conversations I & system had in the past came to my mind.
'Listen, system, you told me in the past that when I am unconscious you are incapable of doing anything. Is that still true?'
[Indeed.]
'However, I lost my consciousness during the ritual, yet I saw in logs that you invoked your authority. So are you capable of acting, when I am unconscious or not?'
[That was... special case.]
'Hmm? Is it hesitance, that I hear?'
[Your level is insufficient to request this information.]
'The further we are in our relationship, the more I hear about it. What is hidden about this exact case? Okay, let's make it simple for you. Can you act when I lose consciousness? Answer yes or no.'
[No.]
'Why?'
[Your level is insufficient to request this information.]
'Hm... let me think. You said that the ritual case was special, right?'
[Indeed]
'Can you tell what was special about it?'
[I was connected to your subconsciousness.]
'Oh. Is that so?'
That got me into thinking over different possibilities.
'By the way, you have a bad influence on me.' I smiled remembering all the light-novels I read, where all MCs answer "Is that so?".
[What do you mean?]
'Anyway, I digress. If a connection to unconsciousness can help you, why not have a constant connection?'
[It's prohibited. Your level is insufficient to request more information.]
'Prohibited? Wow... Wait a second. But you did exactly that during the tutorial.'
I was confused.
[That's why it was a special case. Moreover, I had your permission to do.]
'I can give you permission now as well.'
[That won't help. That case was really special because the complications were expected during the ritual. Thus, my responsibility for safekeeping your wellbeing has overwritten the restrain. However, more information on the topic requires you to have a higher level.]
'So you knew I will be harmed by basilisk energy!?'
[Not exactly. There was a possibility. If you Animagus form had fangs and eye structure similar to snakes, then basilisk would have been a purely beneficial form. However, you became an eagle, who has neither.]
'You could have at least notified me or something...'
[There was no need. You are useless in questions of that matter.]
'Ruthless... Are you Goldfinger or something?'
[Hmph. That is not even a system, but a piece of machinery that can play the role of a system.]
'Wait a second... They exist?'
[Your level is insufficient to request this information.]
'Huh?!'
***
(Conversation after one of the dreams during second-year summer.)
(Inner monolog of me, myself & I)
A teen was tossing and turning in his bed, while angry expression was on his face. Heavy breathing and strange mutterings were the only sounds discernible in the room. Suddenly all sounds quiet down and the boy opens his eyes.
'Past again, huh? That is annoying. I never had dreams or nightmares about my real life. All my dreams were about fantasy, games, gangsters, ninja and etc. Anything but not my life. But as soon as I came to this world, my dreams are about my past.'
*Sigh*
Why me?
I was often asking myself when I was a kid. Why am I suffering if I didn't do anything bad? Looking at it now, I know that there is no answer to this question. Bad things happen and that is something that you just can't escape.
That's when I started hating people who picked a suicide. I hated that they picked an easier route. Hated that they will just die and everything will end for them. While at the same time, wishing to just end it all and do it myself.
Hypocritical?
Maybe... But in the end, I didn't do it, right. So maybe not so hypocritical. And at the same time, I was proud of myself, for not picking an easy choice. Nobody was there to stop me. Nobody tried to help me. I alone understood that living is a hard choice to do while dying was always an option.
Silly?
Maybe... But that was my thinking then. Through time, I understood many things. That's why I think that it's stupid to say that people do not change. I mean, if you believe in the Bible, even Satan used to be an Angel.
Every year... No. Every day I was changing. Becoming different.
One example of that was my believe that clinging to life is meaningless and even lowly. I despised people who were very old, yet wanted to live no matter. Your time has come, so why are you resisting?
That how I labeled many. Why struggle? This is not normal.
However, then I had a talk with an incredible person. Saying he was smart is an understatement. After all, his IQ was over 190. He changed my perspective. He said to me a simple thing.
"As long as human mentally capable and wants to live, who are you to say he is wrong?"
There are thousands of people dying due to incurable diseases. Should they just surrender and die? Was that the whole thing? Then wasn't that the same as suicide? A human body is incredible. It can fight and adapt, but that's the thing. It must want to fight.
That got me thinking hard.
I finally looked at the deeply hidden truth I knew before. I didn't fear death... No... I was welcoming it at that time. That's when I started judging the world by my own standard. But who am I to judge? Who am I to say what is normal?
And by the way, what is normal?
That is a question I asked myself quite often when I was young. Especially, after a talk with that man.
I started pondering, so let me give you some examples of what I was thinking about. Let's start with a small thing.
Is it normal to eat dogs?
Many answers. I never doubted the fact there is nothing wrong with the act, as long as the meat is healthy. Moreover, dog fat is quite healthy for the lungs. But I never ate a dog before. I was good with cows and chickens.
That was so until I talked with a girl, who was shocked by me mentioning it. She was vehemently against it! Why? The answer was so simple and stupid, but that was all she needed to know she is right.
"A dog is a human's friend."
So we decide who lives and who dies, based on how attached we are to a being?
Such small things made me go deeper and deeper into ponderings over what is normal.
In Rome, it was normal to burn and kill those of different faith.
Later, it was normal for the Vatican to start wars based on the exact same reason.
Even later, slavery and mass extermination of the Native American population.
For modern humans it is gruel and nasty part of history we would rather forget. But that was all normal for them. It was part of life.
Why do we even need to go back in history? Currently, there are still places, where cannibalism is part of traditions and there it is normal.
Then what is normal? Isn't it just how the majority of people live? Now if you put a cigarette into your nose and start smoking like this, people would consider you insane. But a few hundred years ago, people didn't even know you can smoke through the mouth.
"What is normal? And are there even things like good and bad?"
This type of pondering is useless because it has no definitive answer, yet it is also very useful because it makes you think without a goal in mind. Thus, not limiting you to a result. You think not to achieve something, but to participate in a thinking process.
"But is it normal?"
I smiled. Looked at the clock. Time was 4 am. Well, I might as well wake up. Grind is better than "useless" thinking.
***
(Conversation in the middle of the third year)
(Me & System)
'I want to know something, system.'
[What is it?]
'Can I travel to other Universes?'
[Your level is insufficient to request this information.]
'... No way, right?'