There are some kind of pains that are rooted deep in your mind and soul. Very much real and throbbing but nameless. Unlike a stomach ache or a headache, you don't know where to point to, even though your body aches too.
Your heart clenches and mind reels, with each passing heartbeat you would get more lost in the pain and it's bitterness, utterly helpless to fight or seek help. It's absurd if you ask me. The more you ache, the more you drown in the pain, hoping to numb it; but the more you fall, the more it aches. And then the pain eats your soul and you lose yourself.
It takes more than just determination to break out of the impending doom. It was willpower, self awareness, sheer battle-spirit and an absolute, demanding, unquenchable desire to live that led me to seek help.
If it aches, see the doctor; even though all they could do is to listen and claim to understand, which is hard to believe, and then give you pills to lower your blood pressure that you don't get angry or excited, in the process harming yourself or others, it is good to have some place to go to. Somebody to talk to. Someone impartial and indifferent that you can freely bare your heart and soul.
After what seemed like a moment of time and an infinite amount of time, which was accounted as four months by the calender, I decided life was too short to wait for death. The whole point is not about death, but life.
You most likely live your life but forget to stay alive. Even if you forget your breath, you may never know. The life of walking dead. I realized I didn't want that. In this life, I want to stay alive. Even at death, I want to be alive.