Victim

[Escape is Impossible has joined the chatroom.]

Escape is Impossible: "Hello, is anyone there?  I was advised to come here after the deed was done."

Wishful Thinking: "Ahh, a new member joins us this day.  Welcome, if you have any issues or questions feel free to reach out.  After all, we all share a similar interest here."

Escape is impossible: "I only have one question right now.  How do I properly dispose of the body?"

As I gazed at the absurd chat before me I could only pray in my heart and ask again.  "System, what do want me to do again?"

"Host has 8 hours to apprehend the murderer known as Escape is Impossible before he successfully disposes of his victim's body.   Failure to do so will result in the termination of the host."


Feel free to check this story out over on Royalroad under my other penname Binky888.

United States

Thanks for the compliment. I was actually having a few doubts about the 'Diary' chapters, but this was a huge confidence booster.

I really like this ‘Diary’ part of the story. They give the reader a break from the plot while also giving insight to the emotions of the MC. Great idea!

Bro, the diary part is very intriguing and leaves a profound impression in the mind of the reader ( at least, I find it impressive). It is an inspiration to me as an author.

The internet is a truly marvelous invention.  Its capacity to store and share information has made it a worldwide phenomenon that has suffused itself into nearly every aspect of our lives. 


However, have you ever considered what the internet truly is?  Of course, the professionals and tech savvy will provide you with an answer laden with technical terms and jargon, but I find this answer unsatisfactory.  


The internet is a living organism given life by our interactions within and across various servers.  In a way the internet can be thought of as a child of humanity. And like any child, it has secrets.


Some call this collection of secrets the dark web, but I call it home which is ironic really as I have no home.  I have nothing really.  Identity, personal relationships, and even my life itself was forsaken to elucidate just one of the many dark, dirty secrets hidden within the recesses of the internet.


And it all began within the deepest recesses of the internet where one could find an obscure and unassuming chatgroup known simply as Mortal Initiates.


"I have nothing save the very thing that deprived me of everything" -- Victim


NOTE THIS REVIEW DOES NOT STATE THE ACTUAL RATING AS IM NOT UPDATING IT AGAIN
*This was a contructive feedback review to improve the authors writing and book, it will likely be different than what is stated if the author has fixed things*

You need to read over your chapters more before u publish them. You are missing a lot of places where commas should be. There are lot of places where there are pauses, but it keeps going.
Ex) C1 there was "but I call it home which" Should be a comma before which as it pauses when u speak it out loud. Try to speak in your mind or quietly as u check for edits.

You also need to put space (enters) before new thoughts as sometimes it is not put.
Ex) C2 first page the character put a thought. As this is a novel, you should enter a space after that sentance you put as it is a new thought, meaning new paragraph. If you must put stuff before thoughts or phrases use commas to connect the sentence and sperate setences, as it will usually create a new thought.

Make your sentences smaller, from C2 onwards, some of the paragraphs were one block of sentance creating like 7-10 lines on my phone. If you must use them, do it only like once a chapter as readers do not like reading them.

I have no idea what The Grudge is and Im sure others have theproblem too. I would do [1] after and explain it later in the author notes.

I only read 5 chapters in so didnt complete it but the review has enough by now. Make sure to add more of the 5 senses you are writing first person, its suffering isekai effect where everything is becoming too 2D. This is why a lot of popular books are third person, hard to write first person for long stories.

Also MC's reactions aren't realistic enough. Describe what hes feeling more and add stuff into his speaking like when he screamed, for example "St-Stop!! Please!..."

Make paragraphs shorter and make sure to add commas. Would try to add some more emotions too in your old chaps before you get too far into it. Make it more realistic too, MC wouldn't think about why he is not noticng the spageti when a perfectly normal citizen is being kidnapped in a dark alley way.

Also last one is just preference but I think you should change Ewan's name. It sounds like it was too forced to make up a fantasy name, or at least explain where it originates from. Lastly try to read past comments once in a while, you don't want to leave your fans/readers nothing when they ask questions or something.

You should also explain the college a bit more as most dorms will make u sign a contract or agreement, the couple wouldve been kicked out a long time ago.

Also for the chat group, you might want to make bigger plot as logically there wouldnt be one chat group as police can easily inflatrate by betrayers, maybe rephrase the words thay way it can still do the direction u want but mode plot more protected so readers wont think of things like I just did, so plot proof

Hmm, what's that? I'm shameless for reviewing my own work? 

Well, you know how things go. As you experience life, shameless encounters are bound to cross your path and make your life more colorful. 

Hmm, I didn't have to go so far and give myself 5 stars in every category?  Why of course I did.  I simply take pride in what I do.

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Maybe a bit too early to make a review, but I decided to make one for now. Great MC, I like his character and the story line. The writing quality is very good along with the world building. You have the right to be biased since it's your work. Yet, don't make it easier for the MC despite the fact that he had died once and now had a host system.

Haunting the Murderers' Chatroom(Hiatus)

Table of contents

Volume 1 :Mortal Initiates

Chapter 1 - Prologue: Diary of the Dark Web