She laid on her bed having mixed feelings. she just broke up with her boyfriend yet she does not feel hurt. Instead, she feels relieved as if a heavy load has been taken off her shoulders. Well that is how she feels after every break up. Shouldn't she be feeling heartbroken? Shouldn't she be crying in bed? or maybe is it because she always initiate the break up?
She had been in and out of relationships since she was eighteen but still she does not know how it feels to be in love nor how it feels to be broken hearted. To her, relationships are so exhausting, demanding and emotionally draining. she thought to herself that maybe she is still not ready for love. But then when she every be ready?
Most of her boyfriends describe her as having a stone heart and inflexible in the relationship because she doesn't act all lovely dovely and romantic like how their friends girlfriends do. But can they blame her? She never knows if she really is in love with a guy. Whenever she is dating, she finds herself asking her own self if she really loves the guy, if she wants to have him touching her, if she wants to wake up every morning with him in her bed and when she finds no answer to that or feels uncomfortable whenever she tries to imagine the guy touching her, then she knows it won't work and the earlier she walks out of it the better for both of them.
She is always quick to end the relationship the moment she feels uncomfortable with it because she knows it is not right to keep the other person hanging. So the earlier they go their separate ways, the better for them.
And now this is her tenth break up since she turned eighteen. She can't seem to find a guy who's face she wants to wake up to every morning nor who she wants to have him touching her. Is something really wrong with her? Is she asexual? Is she destined to be alone forever?
In spite of her indecisive attitude to love, there is this one person she can't seem to get off her mind. It has been six years.....