A week had passed after that incident. Dylan never came back nor even bother to check up on me. His words kept replaying in my head.
What dreams?
What us?
Dylan Haydes, my cousin.
I looked up to his face. He was looking at me intently. He gripped my hand tightly for a second.
"We're gonna make it. I promise. We're into this together," he said for assurance.
He's telling me that there's no us? But what does these mean?
"A-are you breaking up with me?" his voice broke, which caused me to shut my eyes open.
"What? No? I didn't mean it that way," I eagerly defended. He held the same hand that I was using to hold his and kissed the top of it.
"You don't know how much I love you," I could hear him say. Hands intertwined, we looked at each other and exchanged sweet smiles.
Are these moments just a figment of my imagination?
"You do really have a habit on playing with the strands of my hair? At least tell me, if you want to have a hair like this," I said feeling the comfort it gives me. I could feel him respond at my statement as my pillow slightly vibrated.
"Hey! I'm just thankful that I have you. I do this to make sure that I have you here with me. It's some sort of a sign," he said after his slight laugh.
"You'll never lose me. I promise, I'll stay. Whatever happens," I replied cuddling even more to his chest.
You have always been the one who dreamed of this. Am I really the only one who dreamed of this?
"What are we going to do now?" I heard him talking from behind.
"What do you mean?" What is he talking about? We're in good terms , but from the tone of that... I don't know. I think there's something wrong.
"I mean after this... What are we going to do? Settle here and leave our career? our family?" he was confused as hell.
"I don't know about you, but if you don't want to leave them. It's fine with me", I answered.
In fact, you were the one who was willingly giving up your fame, fortune and even family.
"I want to be with you. Without anyone judging us. Away from judgements and criticisms. I just want to run away with you. But are you sure that this is what you really want?" Upon hearing his answer, I can't help but turn to face him.
"What do you mean?" My eyebrows are literally connecting, nearly forming a line.
" I mean... are you a hundred percent sure about your decision?" he seems to be a bit off lately.
"Yes, I am really sure. You're a bit off lately. What's wrong?" I had to ask him.
"It's just that. Before running away. Should we let them all know that there's something going on between us?" He questioningly looked at me.
"No. Of course not! If this does not work out. We should still have something that we can go back to," I answered.
I never agreed to you.
I never told you that I will be with you, running off to such a great life.
"If this does not work out? What exactly do you mean?" Now he's the one looking at me irritated.
"I mean... there's a lot to come. We don't know what will happen, and... what if we— our relationship. What if this does not work out?" There I finally let it out. All the thoughts going inside my head were finally free from the isolation. At any point I could already imagine him being totally furious about this matter, but what I saw that night was the exact opposite of what I had expected.
"Come on, Malia. Stop thinking about those things. Why don't we just enjoy each others company? While everything's fine," his tone was as gentle as it could ever be.
"That's the thing! I know something's wrong! I can sense it. I can really see that there is something bugging the hell out of you, but you won't say a single thing. Just tell me what it is. Be transparent to me! That's all I'm asking." That's it. I've had enough. Don't he freaking tell me that everything's fine, when we both know that it isn't.
Then... Everything was silent...
The silence continued for about three minutes. We are just staring at the reflection of the moon and the stars from water. I'm waiting for his answer. He won't budge, even a little. Tired of waiting on his reply, I started to walk away from the lake.
Just as I was about to take my second step, he spoke. It made me stop on my track.
"I'm afraid..." he trailed.
"I'm afraid that our family would hate us or even worst, would loath us. I'm just not sure about everything." What he said comes off as a bomb to my ears.
He was the coward one. He was not sure.
"We will not let them know. This month my contract would end, and I will surely stay here. Mom and Dad would understand if I move away. I'll just give an alibi. It's not that hard for me. I have already planned everything out. The problem is you. I don't know what's on your mind. I don't know what's happening to you, but I want you to know, I can live here alone on my own. And if you want to stay and run away with me. I'd be delighted. If you don't want or you can't then it's still fine with me. You still got a month to think about it. Your contract would expire next month, right?" I just told him. I can honestly live here by my own.
"Yeah. Still a month..." I heard him replied.
"By the way, I'll just be at the house. I'll list out the things I need to buy. Tomorrow, do help me paint this little house of mine." Not expecting for a reply, I sprinted my way to the tiny house.
Just as I came inside the house, I flushed all my tears out. What is happening? What's happening to us? I just don't understand. Things are changing. I know there's nothing permanent in this world, but out of all the things that will change. Why does it have to be him? He was the one who told me about living here. He was the one who gave me so much to remember. He was the one that I have taken all the risks for. But now what's happening? I guess he'll just be the one who made me believe in all those lies and fake everything. He was all the reason. The reason that I'm hurting this much. The reason that I never wanted to be.
I guess this relationship is just not right. I mean looking at every angle of it. It's wrong, very wrong. He's my cousin. This just made me realize that everything is wrong. Everything was never fine. We are just not meant for each other, because this is a wrong relationship. A relationship that will always be wrong. Fate is doing this because we're not really meant for each other. We don't deserve to be in each others arms. Looking out the window, the moon and the stars are here for me. It just gives me a little comfort.
Minutes of staring out the window, and into the moon and stars. I felt a pair of arms sliding on my waist. Just then I felt at ease.
How can this be so wrong? It just feels so right. All the negative thoughts earlier were washed away. He's the only person who can do this to me. I don't know, if I can take it if I lose this person behind me. He was my problem, but he's also my solution. He's the sickness and cure. He's my weakness and strength.
Give me the thousand reasons to give up, and I'll give you the single reason that keeps me on holding on.
"I'm sorry. I'll do what's best for us... for you... Let's just stay like this for a while." I just didn't say anything. I let him do, what he wants. I do want it, too. I closed my eyes and feel the warmth that it gives me.
He was intentionally putting the blame on me since he was the one who was afraid. He was the one who wouldn't fight for us. Maybe he really did love me, but it was not enough. I have believed him. All the things that he said. I was also being stupidly used for his dream in the international scene. All those projects that I helped him earn, it was all just for that. I was a fool to believe that he was going to live with me, I should've felt it earlier. Dumb me, I have already felt it, but I chose to keep on believing on his lies. He hit me, abused me. He has caused me pain physically, mentally and emotionally. All those things resulting to the death of my child. I can't forgive him. I will never forgive him.
Days were spent with my usual routine. I also got used to Trey dropping by every now and then to accompany me. Whenever he is not around, I had this habit of just scrolling through the web. So, it didn't take some time when I got the news of Dylan's scandals. Pictures of him being publicly intimate with some girl circulated the entertainment sites. Just after that, he admitted into dating the so-called French actress.
I received a text from Terra and mom, who were really worried about me because I'm not really updating them with my life. Terra had asked me to call her. I dialed her up and just as she picked it up.
"Lia, I can't believe it. I almost lost my self-control. I almost kiss him back," she panicked on the other end.
"Well duhh. Terra, you are clearly not over him." I don't need to ask who she was referring.
"You're not helping me, Malia."
"You reacted that way because deep inside, deep down it was clearly what you wanted. No matter how you deny it, the truth is it will always be there. You love him and you're just restraining yourself."
She sighed upon hearing my reply, unspokenly admitting her defeat.
"Where are you? I'm done with these shits I need a break. I need to see you."
"I'm home. I'll send you my location. I'm also bored here as hell."
"Okay. See you then, bye."
She hung up and I sent her my location.
I stepped into the kitchen. Rummaging through my cupboard for the pasta and other necessary ingredients. I started working on my dish. Based on my calculation, I might have probably finished the Italian food by the time Terra arrives. Luckily, I had my ingredients here. My spaghetti never goes to waste especially with Terra's predatory nature when she sees it, or when she even just got the smell of it.
The sound of dry leaves cracking and car engine could be heard as soon as I dropped the utensils on the plate.
"Oh my God! That smell! I would trade my soul, if this is not your house."
Terra barged in the doorway screaming.
"Like who the hell would leave their freaking front door open? Like Malia you're a woman and alone in the middle of nowhere. Are you not afraid to die?"
"Anyway. Where is it? Where is it?" she pleads. Her eyes goggled, when she caught the sight of the food on the table. She sprinted straight away and took a seat. This shameless woman. She was already busy mixing the pasta and sauce when I spoke up.
"Hey. Who told you that's for you?" That was only the time she looked up at me.
"Oh, dear. I don't need anyone to tell me that this is not mine. I know this is mine."
"You, shameless bitch."
"I know. I know." We laughed in unison. She was already forking and munching when I sat and prepared mine. The normal 10-minute eating duration was extended by an hour with our endless talks.
"But seriously, it's dangerous here and you're all alone," she nagged like mom.
"Who says she's alone?" A deep sexy voice stunned us both. We both froze in our places. Terra was the first one to speak.
"Wow! Trey! You didn't tell me that you guys are already living together. That was fast. I knew this would happen, anyway."
"He-hey! It's not what you think. We are certainly not together. He just used to accompany me most of the time. That's all." My response caused her to narrow her eyes over me. She then shifted her attention to Trey.
"So, Trey is this woman stating the truth?" Trey said yes. "But you do like her right?"
"Definitely," he answered. Terra squealed in response.
"How could you not give this man a chance? We're not getting any younger here."
"Oh, Trey! I made some pasta have some," I called out, trying to avoid the topic. Glad she caught my cue and stopped all her babbles.
"Cool. I'm starving," he joined us around the table. Terra just finished, so she stood up and went to the sink. I just asked her to leave her plate, and I'll wash it together with mine and Trey's later.
"You'll fall in love with her even more when you taste it," Terra guaranteed.
"Sapid," he commented and continued savoring the meal.
"You didn't fight for it?" I looked at her in shock.
"Well, it's his first time. I'm giving him the honor to savor it." At first, I thought she was joking but no, she was serious. This girl is damn serious with my food.
"Anyway, have you heard the news about your cousin?"
"Uhm no. We haven't been talking lately. We kinda had some issue."
"Well, this cousin of yours hid his girlfriend from everyone, like even from us. I mean Malia we've been with him for how many years? Yet he didn't bother to tell us, are we just an acquaintance. We are friends, right? Hmm. Now that I thought of it, was your issue about that? him hiding that girlfriend of his?"
She took her wild guess, I nodded on agreement. Oh Terra, if you only knew the truth.
"Like how did you found out?"
"I apparently walked up on them doing the thing at his house." I said making it sound like it was the most uninteresting thing to say. A lie topping off another lie, stacked up lies.
"Ohhh, well it seems like Dylan's loving the fame right now. I heard he's been working nonstop especially now that he's dating that French actress."
"Probably."
"Dylan is her cousin?" he was asking Terra, but he was looking at me like I had grown out another head. He shook his head just before Terra darted her attention upon him.
"Well, yeah. Since birth. Have you met him already?"
"I had once, but it didn't go that well." Thankfully, Terra didn't interrogate him about their meeting moment. I'm glad that Trey took the hint that Terra has no clue about the taboo relationship between me and Dylan, so he stopped asking further.
"Terra, please tell me you're staying for the night."
"Of course. Who would finish off your spaghetti if I leave?"
"You didn't even miss me. Don't come here ever again."
Trey only stayed for 3 hours, which left me and Terra with ourselves for the rest of the night. She told me her sticky situation with Kent. We talked about her giving Kent a real chance, which still end up with her not having any final decision. She had shared a lot of gossip about our colleagues. She also complained about me not having a television, which I argued that the internet is enough for getting the news and stuffs. She also keeps on insisting the thing about me and Trey. I told her that we still don't know each other that much so I can't just jump into a relationship with him. She found the dead end there and left the topic.
The next morning, she was scheduled free, so we went deep in the woods to unwind. It was such a refreshing moment. We found out that there is a waterfall just about 4 miles away from the lake. The fall is probably connected to the river that we cross on the way to Heltchin Lake. We spent an hour and went back to the lake. We encountered some foxes, rabbits and deer around. The snake was the most memorable one because it was a green boa, I slipped and almost grab the snake. Luckily, it was in a deep sleep. After our exploration, we went back to the house and had our lunch. We were drenching ourselves in the lake when Trey came. It was the time when him and Terra actually got the chance to know each other. Of course, Terra was still persistent on shipping the two of us together. It was dusk when Terra left.