6 months later.
"Are you sure that you can do this." Adam asked me with a worried expression on his face. He has been so protective of me over the past few months.
Even though I have grown to be better and more confident as each day passes, he still ends up treating me like an egg which would break anytime soon.
Although I do appreciate it most times, other times, it pisses me of. However this was one of those moments when I did welcome his concern for me. I had to, you know. He is in his final year now.
I have to enjoy his love, care and attention now because when he finally graduates from school I would not be getting the whole bulk of it anymore. Law school would definitely take more of his time.
I am going to miss him so much. But this is no time for the dealings of the heart. There are far more pressing issues that has become the thought and occupation of my cognitive process;? My friend Amaya whose final walk I am currently attending today being one of them.
"Alright. Please stay strong." He pressed on to my hands reassuringly before finally letting me go.
All eyes were on me as I walked on to the podium. My eyes met first with a crying Sofia who was sited in front of of the hall. Then it met with Amaya's boyfriend and I swallowed. The pain in his eyes were just too conspicuous.
I took the microphone and cleared my throat. Then I started to speak.
"Good day to the Dean, Faculty of Law, Mr Jacob Obi and to everyone. All protocols duly observed." I breathed in and swallowed.
"I do have a written ode for my friend Amaya. At first I said to myself, Lora why not come here read the Ode to them and leave. Of course doing this would be easier, faster, and better for me as well as for everyone. But when my eyes met with Sofia's, I decided otherwise."
"Before I read out her Ode I am first going to give a very long speech about our friendship. I apologize in advance for taking much of your time but I promise this will be worth it."
"I first met Amaya here in school and we became friends from the very day we saw each other. It was such a beautiful friendship at first. At the beginning, she was very nice to me and then all of a sudden she gradually began to change."
"I started to despise her a little over the months but I didn't really know why that was. Was it because I was so jealous of her or because she was suddenly being mean to me? I would ask myself. I often did lie to myself that it was because of the latter. But in my hearts of heart I knew that that was not entirely the truth."
"You see I was jealous of Amaya, I wanted to be her so much! To me she had everything, she was extremely pretty, gorgeous, happy and rich. And me? I was just a girl who was extremely poor, not gorgeous, not happy, just poor and full of insecurities."
"So I hated her. Oh! Deep down I hated her so much. I concluded that the feeling was mutual so I could easily bear no guilt. Jealousy was a vice already buried so deep in my bones that I did not know when I gradually started being what I accused her of; Shallow."
"I kept comparing my life to hers you know. I did not even bother trying to get to know her better. I felt the world was only about me and was only cruel to me. It was really stupid and naive of me. Pain deceived me into believing that he only whispered to me." I concluded.
I exhaled deeply and wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks.
Then I chuckled sadly and continued; "Funny enough I did not know that she had it worse. I had no idea because I was too focused on trying to be her. Too occupied? on comparing my life to hers that I did not see that like me, life had been cruel to her too. In fact she did have it worse."
"When I read her suicide note on how much she loved me so, and wished to be me. On how much she suffered all these years from brain cancer but did not let anyone in to her sufferings. I cried. I teared up so much because she was my friend and I could not tell that her laughter was only a mask she wore to cover up her pain. I could not tell because I was immersed by mine that I could not see hers."
"When she spoke ill of me I cursed her, but forgot to lavish praises on her?whenever she walked under the rain just to give me food or when she randomly sent me money. I forgot to think about the good things we shared and dwelt on the bad."
I chuckled as tears flowed freely from my cheeks and I let it.
"So now I am here to admit to you all and to myself that I was a bad friend to Amaya. I said through sobs." "That I was a very bad friend and that I love her so much from the bottom of my heart."
" But then she is gone to answer the greater call of nature. It is sad that I too have joined the bandwagon of those who only got to appreciate a person when they died. But I will no longer be part of them from today. I will no longer be the blind, shallow, envious, insecure, ungrateful person I was before. I am old enough to know a persons worth before I lose them."
"So now everyday I fight to keep this promise I have made to myself. And although it has not been easy, I am taking baby steps to achieving this goal. I want to no longer be shallow, I want to be deep, deeper than the oceans. And I want my will, my love to be deeper than pain."
So here is my tribute to the Glossy Queen, my friend Amaya.
I brought out the paper where I had written the ode from my bag and began to read.