"Wow, Kristin. Is this your new handbag? And O-M-G. Is this Marc Jacob's?" Jane asked, amused, habang nakatingin sa aking new handbag.
"Of course. It's the limited edition Carolyn Crocodile Handbag worth fifty thousand dollars." I answered, proudly, while scrolling my twitter's news feed.
Hinihintay ko ang update ng One Direction about sa concert nila this night. VIP ticket ang binili ko kaya okay lang na kahit late na ako pumunta dun. But still, I prefer to go early para makita ko ang arrival nila. Kung 'di lang dahil sa letseng event ng letseng university'ng 'to ay, e baka kanina pa ako nasa venue ng concert.
"Grabe ka, Kristin. You are so rich talaga. You bought a handbag worth two million pesos. And you even bought a golden VIP ticket for One Direction's concert!" Lian exclaimed. "Grabe ka magwaldas ng pera. Why don't you try saving it? Buy Filipino designer bags, shoes, clothes. Go to concerts of well-known Filipino Singers or band-"
I cut her off saka inihampas ang dalawa kong kamay sa ibabaw ng mesa. Naibaling saakin ang atensyon ng halos lahat ng nasa sa classroom. I inhaled saka hinarap si Lian, "Kung wala kang masabing matino, better shut up."
Nakita ko siyang napaatras dahil sa sinabi ko, "S-sorry, opinyon ko lang naman 'yun-"
"Keep it to yourself. I don't need it," inirapan ko siya saka umupo. "Money is made para gastusin. I want to spend it on good stuff. Not for local and cheap product of this country."
Napasinghap ang ilan sa sinabi ko. Nagbulung-bulungan. The problem of this university is that they're stuck in the past. Celebrating the same events over and over again. Still embracing the customs and traditions of the past, unable to accept the new offerings of the changing year.
" 'Yan ang mahirap sa'yo. 'Yang utak mo, utak kano. Utak banyaga. Hindi ka marunong makisama," then Lian walked out after getting her things.
I don't care.
This country is rotten and devastated anyway. And no one can change it.
"Guys, pinapapunta na daw lahat sa Gym. Mag-uumpisa na ang opening," anunsyo ng class representative namin, oblivious to what's happening.
Everyone stood up saka nagsilabasan. I sighed. Inayos ko na ang mga gamit ko saka lumabas ngunit imbes na ang daan papuntang gym ang tahakin ko ay ang ang daan palabas ng University ang pinili ko.
"Kristin, sa'n ka pupunta? The gym's that way," I heard Jane said.
"Pupuntang Araneta."
"Required umattend sa opening, diba?"
"I don't give a damn."
I heard her sigh, "Fine. Suit yourself."
10th to the 12th day of June nagkakaroon ng three days celebration ang University para sa Independence day. Annual ang celebration na 'to. They've been doing this ever since this crappy University was built. Since 1917. Imagine celebrating the same event over and over again. Hindi ba sila nagsasawa? 'Di man lang ba nila naiisip ang mga estudyanteng ayaw naman umattend ng event?
Ayoko sa University'ng 'to. Ayoko sa bansang 'to. Gusto kong iwan ang Pilipinas at mamalagi sa ibang bansa. Kung 'di lang dahil sa mga magulang kong Filipino historians ay baka matagal na akong nagmigrate sa ibang bansa. Kung sana matagal na kaming umalis sa bulok na bansang 'to, masaya sana ako, kami. Kasama pa sana namin si Kuya.
I cursed when a guy bumped me. "Watch where you're going!" I hissed saka pinulot ang mga nahulog kong gamit.
"Sorry. Let me help." Before he could even bent down to help me with my things, I already stopped him.
"No, Ethan. I don't need your help. If you're doing this to befriend me and get me to join your geeky group, let me say this to you again, I won't be persuaded. Get it?" I said saka siya nilampasan.
"Oh, come on, Kristin! It's not just some geeky group. It's the most famous and respected group in the university!"
I rolled my eyes heavenward, "Famous and respected but still geeky!"
-
TWELVE o'clock na natapos ang concert ng One Direction. Kahit na wala akong kasama pumunta ay nag-enjoy pa rin ako. As usual, those boys never fail to entertain their fans. Sulit ang twenty thousand pesos na golden VIP ticket.
I was walking down to my car parked a little further down the back— being rich sure has its perks. I heard my car unlocked and went inside, starting it to life. It's pretty scary here considering that there's only a few cars left and I'm all alone.
I maneuvered the car in a haste to leave, I'm sure to hear nonstop from mom if I don't get my ass home now.
Turning left and out I was ready to leave the parking lot when a kid suddenly appeared out of nowhere and the next thing I know, I nearly hit a lamp post.
"Fuck! That darned kid, the hell's he doing?!"
I felt my hands trembling as I gripped the stirring wheel.
Okay Kristin, inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Deep breath. Calm down.
Then it hit me.
"God, the car!"
I immediately went out of the car to check for damages.
Then I remembered the kid. I quickly turned around ready to lecture him about crossing dark streets.
My words died in my throat when I saw him still lying on the asphalt. Oh my god, did I just kill someone?! I ran to him to check for a pulse.
Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Thank goodness it's still there.
I scooped the kid the hurriedly went to the car to take him to take him to the nearest hospital.
-
Three hours have passed and I am so dead when I get home. Karlos, the kiddo, seems like he doesn't have a family nor a guardian so I'm basically stuck to this goddamn child.
"Hoy, bata. Di ka pa ba uuwi? Anong oras na." Naiirita kong tanong sa batang nakaupo sa hospital bed habang may kung anong sinusulat sa kanyang notebook.
"Nasa akin lahat ng oras sa mundo. Saka, ate, 'di pa ko nadidischarge at saka wala pa akong mauuwian. Kung hindi mo kasi ako binangga kanina, nakauwi na sana ako ngayon," sabay balik sa pagsusulat.
Smartass kid.
"You didn't obtain any major injury."
"Bingga mo pa rin ako."
"Aish. Ako kasi may uuwian pa. Pwede na ba ko umalis?"
The kid glared at me. "Ate, you nearly put me to death. Gusto mo ba i-demanda kita?"
Damn this kid for being too matured. He even knows the word 'demanda'.
I stood up ready to send the kid to hell. But then, I breathed in and out slowly instead. It's okay kristin, you can handle a kid. I faced him, "What do you want me to do?" I asked.
When he said nothing, I figured he might not understand me so I tried to translate. When I did, he fucking glared at me.
"Nakakaintindi ako ng ingles," sagot niya. 'Kay fine.
I scowled at him, "Edi try mo kayang sumagot." I countered.
Nagbuntong-hininga siya, " 'Di kita idedemanda kung tutulungan mo ko sa philippine history assignment ko."
I stopped, paused, couldn't fucking process what he said. If I recalled, elementary students don't have philippine fucking history, that's high school! And no matter how I look at him, he's a kid. An elementary fucking school kid. I stared at him, probably spacing out. Why philippine history? I can teach him even calculus, why did it have to be philippine history?
"Are you mocking me?"
"Hindi."
"Aish. Hindi kita kayang turuan. I'll just let you borrow my phone. Mag research ka." I handed him my phone but he only stared at it.
"Bobo ka?"
"Excuse me?" I gripped my phone harder as to stop myself from throwing it to him. He only stared at me with those big innocent brown eyes. It makes me feel evil for wanting to scoop it out of its sockets.
"Ayaw mo kong turuan kasi wala kang alam sa history ng pilipinas. Bobo ka ata eh," tukso niya. This kid is seriously getting on my nerves.
"This rotten country is not worth my attention. This country? Its people? Everything in here is hopeless. Blind. Beyond saving. Whats the point of knowing its history? For all I'm concerned, this is just a rotten waste land." I declared with all the hate in my heart.
It's the truth. Filipinos only believe in the wheel of fortune. Go with the flow. They believe in luck. They have this 'come what may' attitude, leaving everything to the hands of fate. And that crab mentality, preventing someone from achieving something due to envy. Really beyond saving. They are the definition of sloth. And the Government? Blind. Greedy. Unjustifiable reasons. Such a sorry excuse for humanity.
-
I lied on my bed, thinking of the kid. Thinking of my words. It's funny how I think of this when I'm actually a filipino citizen.
I went home straight after I said those words. I paid the bills. Wala akong pake kung idemanda ako ng batang 'yun. As if kaya niya.
And of course I got a hell lot of lecturing from mom. Screeching about how ladies shouldn't stay out late in the night. Fucking filipino culture.
I stared at the ceiling.
When did I started hating the Philippines?
Ah.
Right.
That time-
Kinaumagahan, I woke up late. 4:30 am na ako natulog for Christ's sake. Agad kong kinuha ang phone ko then uploaded my photos from last night's concert, went to proceed with my morning rituals.
It was already one in the afternoon when Jane called me to ask if I could join her roam around the booths for the second day activity. Like heck? Why would I spend my time for something unproductive and useless?
"I won't. Okay?"
(Day 2 na ng festival pero absent ka na naman. You know how this could affect your grades sa extras.)
Napairap ako, "You're just my blockmate. Since when did you start to concern yourself about me?"
She sighed. (You're my friend. I'm just worried about you.)
"I never considered you as a friend, so stop concerning yourself about me and keep your nose out of my business. Get it?"
(Kristin-)
I hang up and didn't let her finish. I really hate people like her. People who butt in with pther people's business. I hate he goody-two-shoes Jane. Masyado siyang concern sa ibang tao. Hindi niya alam na hindi lahat ng tao kailangan ang concern niya.
I stayed at home and spent my whole day designing clothes. Im a Fine Arts student majoring in Fashion Designing, therefore I am being productive the whole day.
Inabot ako hanggang gabi kaiisip ng bagong designs. Halos mapuno ko na ang trash bin ng kwarto ko ng scratch. It's my last year in college and I have to submitt my portfolio for our monthly requirements. Dahil sa sobrang busy ay 'di ko na napansin ang pagdating nila Mommy.
"Kristin, ano 'tong narinig ko na hindi pumasok sa school?" Bungad na sermon sakin ng aking ina.
"Mom, there's no classes." I answered without removing my eyes from my sketchbook.
Naramdaman kong lumapit siya sakin. "It's the most important event of the University. Ano ang sasabihin nila? Na ang anak ng primary sponsor ng University ay hindi dumalo sa pinakaimportanteng event nito?" Napairap ako. 'Di ko siya pinansin at nagpatuloy sa ginagawa.
Ganito siya palagi. Kapag may mga event ang University at hindi ako umattend, palaging sermon ang inaabot ko. Sasabihin kung anong kahihiyan ang dala nito sa pamilya namin. And all these bullshits.
"Kristin, listen to me when I'm talking." Mahina niyang hinampas ang mesa ko kaya napatingin ako sa kanya.
"I'm listening, okay?" I said saka ibinalik ang tingin sa ginagawa.
From my peripheral vision, I saw Mom facepalmed saka napabuntong-hininga, "Ito ba ang dahilan kung bakit 'di ka nagpunta sa festival?"
Napatingin ako sa itinuro ni mommy. Itinuro nya ang flatscreen tv ko na ngayo'y pinapalabas ang music video ng bandang one direction.
"Ito ba? Tell me Kristin."
"No it's not."
"There's nothing wrong with you idolizing these people but not up to the point where you are neglecting your own country!"
I rolled my eyes heavenward, "Whatever."
"You're grounded from using television and internet!"
Napatayo ako, "Oh c'mon, Mom! That's so highschool."
"I know. So high school," she said in a high pitch tone. Is that supposed to be my voice?! "Why don't you try acting like your age and be a mature college student and attend the god forsaken celebration?" she added annoyingly.
I huffed, "Nothing's productive in going to school for that event. And besides, the whole philippines has been celebrating independence day for more than a century. I'm sure that wont stop now if I don't go along."
My Mom looked at me like I've grown another head, "Paano mo nasasabi ang mga 'yan? Alam kong nakalaya na tayo. Nakalaya tayo a hundred and eighteen years ago. Pero ang pagdiriwang ng Independence day ay isang paraan upang alalahanin ang pagsasakripisyo ng mga bayani. And Independence day is a way para mabago kayong mga may colonial mentality-" I cut her off. I know, I'm being rude but I can't help it. Napupuno na ako.
"Mom! Instead of lecturing me, why don't you go and lecture your students? Why don't you write those in your books instead? Paulit-ulit nalang! Alam mo namang-"
"Shut up, Kristin! Shut up!"
I rolled my eyes heavenward saka bumalik saking working table.
I know she won't stop kung hindi ako titigil sa pagsagot which is unfair dahil kung gusto ko siyang tumigil, I have to shut up and stop defending myself.
" 'Yan, 'yang mga banyagang 'yan. Sila ang dahilan kung bakit sumasama ang ugali mo." Napahilamos ako ng mukha saka hinarap siya uli. Handa ko ng ilabas ang speech ko para idefend ang mga iniidolo ko, pero napaurong ang dila ko.
Nanlalaking mata akong nakatingin sa tv.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Sa lahat ng oras na pwedeng ipalabas ang news na 'yan tungkol kay Miley Cyrus, bakit ngayon pa?! Crap. It's the news about her going shopping without anything covering her upper part.
"Ilang ulit na kitang pinagsabihan na hindi maganda ang maidudulot nila sa'yo. You're forgetting the values we've taught you!"
"Mom! For heaven's sake, you're exaggerating!" I countered.
"Why don't you try idolizing filipino artists? Mas magaganda pa ang mga ugali, may mabubuting asal."
"Mom, they're lousy. They're not good. They're cheap, like this corrupted country. And please, stop! You're making a big deal out of this!"
Napahilamos siya, then she looked at me with a hint of disappointment in her eyes, "Alam mo, sana bumalik ka sa mga panahong sinakop tayo ng mga banyaga. Sana bumalik ka sa panahon kung saan nakagapos pa tayo. Sana masaksihan mo ang paghihirap ng mga bayani makamit lang natin ang kalayaan. Sana."
After that, she stormed out of the room.
* **