I idiot absolutely had to challenge it, right? I absolutely had to challenge fate.
It's the same day that I went to the doctor for my monthly examination to be fit for my first day at work in my New Dream Job. I could now make off my dream. No company would hire a cancer patient who could, under best circumstances, work for you for another month. I looked at my doctor who still had not answered my question
"It's best to have a good time. I'm sorry, but at such a late stage, we can not do anything for her anymore. "My anger in me kept growing. What a crap!!! You are finally successful in your life and life gets in your way and destroys everything! I had to get out of this room. I knew that the doctor could not help it, but I would still tear it to bits if I did not leave soon.
I stormed out of the room, towards the exit. My doctor tried to come after me and called me something but I did not understand him. The adrenaline and my red sight were back, like old familiar ones, which they were when I was in extreme negative situations. My heart was pumping furiously, as if it were bursting my chest. I ran the whole 3 kilometers home.
Arrived home in my 4 room apartment I went to my gym and hit him. I hit and punched and banged my boxing bag with everything I had. With my last punch, I thundered my fist into the boxing bag, which was used to my outbursts of rage, but not to that extent.
My last punch simply ripped the chain that held the exerciser to the ceiling and made it fly against the wall. He burst open and slowly lost the sand he was filled with. After this outburst, which was extreme even by my standards, I went to bed with now empty head and no emotions and quietly cried me his sleep.
The next morning started and I just wanted to die.
I know, in a month or so I would do it by myself but I did not want to wait that long. It's true what you say. It is not death that is bad but waiting for it to come.
Still, I had a responsibility to my boss, even though he would not be my boss for much longer, and I held a lot of honor and respect.
So I heaved out of bed and got ready. If I should die already then I want my almost boss keeps me well remembering him.
So I put on my best suit and the best tie I owned, my dad's. My father. It has been 5 years since Mom and Dad died and ...
No no no! Now do not think about it or you will get angry again and the sandbag can not help you today. I did my breathing exercises with you Doctor Cheers, my psychologist at the time, showed me to control my feelings.
It rarely helped but I had at least something that I could do against my unruly rage and it gave me a bit of the feeling of control.
Today luckily it worked and I continued.
Freshly shaved and straightened, I made my way to my "workplace".
My job would not be much longer if I told my boss about my "condition".
So I went to the office of the head of department and these 5 minutes felt like an eternity.
When I finally stood in front of his door, I hesitated.
Why should I tell a stranger man of my personal problems that probably do not even interest him?
No, I thought immediately afterwards. This is a man who worries about his staff, that had shown me his question and that gave me courage to open the door
The head of department, whose name I did not know we just noticed, was sitting in his cozy office chair and get through documents.
When I entered, he looked at me and beamed all over his face. How disappointed he will be when I announce the bad news!
"Barok, how are you, you are way too early for ..."
He stopped when he saw my face. I had already thought that: You could not fool this one.
He looked closely at my face and was about to start speaking when I was in advance.
"I have cancer."
The phrase hung in the room for a while until my boss (I still did not know his name) began to talk "That's no problem with her new salary, she can be sure ..." He's already in the final stages. "I interrupted my boss. "I've already been to the doctor, he says they can not do anything for me, he's already too advanced."
An undefined expression suddenly came into my boss's face and it was not the expression I expected. He was calculating and thinking. After a few moments he got up. "Stay here and do not move from the spot." After these words he stormed out of the room and left me bewildered and helpless.
So that was definitely not the reaction I expected.
What was that expression when he left the room. It looked something like like ... joy !?
Why should he be pleased that his newly recruited employee has terminal cancer? It was a mystery to me
And so I waited about 20 minutes until a very attractive woman looked in.
"Mr. Prakina? Mr. Genos is waiting for you in the research department.