The Indian Chief's Sexual Problem
One day a big Indian Chief goes to his local pharmacy. He goes up to the clerk and says, "Last night me fuck squaw, left nut go 'oomph', right nut go 'oomph', dick go 'oomph', condom go BOOM!"
Now the clerk was quite impressed by this sexual feat so he grabbed some Trojans for professionals and tells the Chief to come back and tell him how they work for him.
The next day, the big Chief comes back to the pharmacy, goes right up to the clerk and gruffly says, "Last night me fuck squaw, left nut go 'oomph', right nut go 'oomph', dick go 'oomph', condom go BOOM!"
The clerk thinks to himself, "Damn, this guy must have some kind of super ejaculation going on." So he goes into the back of the store and gets a prototype condom for the Chief. The description on the box reads, "This is a joint effort between Goodyear and Michelin. This condom is steel belted and should only be used in extreme circumstances."
The clerk hands the condom to the Chief and tells him about the special condoms, and to report back to him on how well they work for him.
The next day, the Chief comes back on crutches with a shotgun under his arm. He storms up to the clerk. The clerk is thinking, "Oh Shit! The condom must not have worked and he's really pissed."
The Chief looks at the clerk and yells, "Last night me fuck squaw!! Left nut go 'oomph', right nut go 'oomph', dick go 'oomph, condom go 'oomph, left nut go 'BOOM'!"
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Apples
A young girl sees her grandfather in the shower and asks him, "What are those between your legs?"
"Those are the apples of the tree of life," he tells her, by way of poetic concealment.
Impressed, the girl then tells this to her grandmother, who replies, "Did he mention anything about that dead branch they're hanging from?"