One day a gay man goes in for his doctor's appointment and asks the doctor, "Do you have anything to make hair grow on my chest?"
The doctor immediately grabs a jar of vaseline and says, ?if you get a friend to rub this on your chest everyday, within a month or two you'll start to see some growth."
The man replies, "Well if that was true, I'd have a pony tail coming out my ass!"
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The Smart Ass
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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Five reasons not to be a penis!
1) Your head is bald forever.
2) You live between two nuts.
3) An asshole lives behind you.
4) Your best mate?s a cunt.
5) When you get excited, you get sick and then faint.