An Army Sergeant Major walks into a whorehouse and approaches the madam and says, " My name is Sergeant Major Dick and I'm here for a woman!" The madam immediately escorts the soldier upstairs and selects the best call girl they have for him.
Sergeant Major Dick immediately disrobes and is standing with his hands on his hips while he looks at the prostitute awaiting him on the bed. He then says," My name is Sgt. Major Dick, been in the Army thirty years, and I'm a master of my mind and body, DICK, ATTEN-HUN. Immediately, his penis becomes fully erect.
The prostitute is in awe and asks him how he can do that. The Sgt. Major replies, "Like I said, I've been in the Army thirty years, and I'm a master of my mind and body, DICK, AT EASE. His penis immediately goes limp.
The prostitute still can't get over the control he has and asks him for another demonstration. The Sgt. Major says. 'I'm a master of my mind and body, DICK, ATTEN-HUN. (a raging hard-on once again) and the follows this display of prowess with the command of DICK, AT EASE. (His penis goes limp once again.) The prostitute still can't believe her eyes and asks for the demonstration yet again.
The Sgt. Major shouts, "I've already told you honey, I've been in the Army thirty years, and I'm a master of my mind and body, DICK, ATTEN-HUN. His penis becomes immediately erect. And then gives the following command, "DICK, AT EASE. The Sgt. Major looks down, and to his amazement, his penis is still hard. He then says, "Apparently you didn't hear me soldier, DICK, AT EASE. Once again, his penis is still fully erect. The Sgt. Major is now fuming, and says, "I'm going to tell you one more time, DICK, AT EASE. No luck, his penis is still hard. He yells god dammit and moves to the side of the bed and starts to masturbate vigorously.
The prostitute asks '"What the hell is going on?"
The Sgt. Major replies, "This soldier disobeyed a direct order, and I'm giving him a dishonorable discharge!!"
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A guy found a magic lamp and, naturally, he rubbed it. A genie popped out and said, "I'll grant you any wish you want."
The guy thought and thought, and finally gave his answer. "I want to be hard all the time and get all the ass I want."
"As you wish," replied the genie. So the genie turned him into a toilet seat.