Shopping
A rich man and a poor man were Christmas shopping for their wives. The poor man asked the rich man what he was getting his wife.
"I'm getting her a mink coat and a Porche. I figure if she doesn't like the mink coat, she'll like the Porche.
What about you?".
The poor man replied "I'm getting her a pair of slippers and a dildo. I figure that if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."
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Consumption
A young lady who thought she was overweight went to see a dietitian. She walked into his office and asked several questions about dieting, exercise, and other things. Her final question to the dietitian sparked interest in him. She asked, "How many calories are in sperm?"
"Why?" he replied.
She explained some of the things she liked to do.
After thinking a minute he said, "I really have no clue, but if you are consuming that much of it, then no guy is going to care if you are a little chunky!"
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Car Salesman
A car salesman was trying to sell this great car to a client. "Look, this car never fails. See all these buttons on the dashboard... They keep your car going."
"What's the red button for ?"
"Well.. eh.. look, the car really never fails. With this silver button you can calibrate your steering."
"Ok, but the red button?"
"Well, it's eh.. You know, never for a second will this car let you down. It'll do it's job day and night, in hot and cold weather, always."
"YES, I KNOW, BUT THE RED BUTTON?"
"Well, you know, imagine that in the unbelievable and impossible case your car might seem to fail, you push this red button and off you go again."
"So this car.... can fail"
"No", said the salesman, "Look, a man can't get pregnant, but in the unbelievable and impossible case that he MIGHT get pregnant... he already has nipples."