Man with a half tounge
One day a man with half a tougue had moved to America and was getting to know the city. He walked in to a store and asked the clerk if he had some bum. The clerk asked "what do you mean some bum ?" and with gestures he let him know that he was asking for some gum. The clerk then relied and said oh some gum we do have some, and sold it to him.
He went home and found that he had a leak in the ceiling. So he headed off to the hardware store and asked the clerk if he had a "fuck it". The clerk looked at him and asked him what do you mean. He replied with gestures you know a "fuck it" to put water. Oh you mean a bucket the clerk replied, yes said the man and bought it.
The man felt kind of lonley so he decided he should buy a dog, so he went to the pet store and asked for a "cock and spank it" the clerk asked him what do you mean. Again with gestures he asked you know the dog with long ears. Oh you mean a cocker spaniel, yes replied the man.
So he bought the dog, but on his way home the dog was giving him a hard time and somehow got away from him, so he ran after the dog but the bucket was slowing him down. When he came across a police officer and went up to him and asked " CAN YOU PLEASE HOLD MY BUM AND FUCK IT SO I CAN FIND MY COCK AND SPANK IT"
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An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home."
"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!"
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?"
"He said the reflector is broken."
"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?"
"I'm not sure, Jacob ... something about the emergency brake."