Hand Jobs & Cheese!
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50
Hand Job $10.00
Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill. He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am!"
The man replies "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
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Birthday Cake
For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older, You are just getting better."
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the
top, and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was helped to his feet after being hit over the head with his wife's walking stick, that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."