A woman finally got divorced from a rather nasty and egotistical man. She then re-married someone whom she felt would treat her with more love and kindness.
When her ex-husband happened to meet her on the street one day, he couldn't overcome his usual tendencies, and asked her sarcastically, "So, how does that new husband of yours like screwing a used pussy?"
"He likes it just fine," she replied, "once he gets past the used part."
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A young pretty female schoolteacher had been telling her class about the value of being observant and said, "Now children, look at the clock, what does the clock have that I have too?"
One little girl stood up and said, "It has a face."
Another girl raised her hand and said, "It has hands."
"Splendid," said the teacher, "now what has the clock that I haven't got?"
After a long silence, Little Johnny rose and said, "You ain't got no pendulum, Miss."
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There's this guy who loves his girlfriend so much he decides to have her name tattooed on his dick. It said "WY" when it was soft, and "Wendy" when it was hard.
A few months later the couple get married. For their honeymoon they take a trip to a Caribbean island resort. Once there, they decide to go to a nude beach.
While strolling on the beach, the guy sees a local man with the letters "WY" on his dick too.
The tourist walks up to the local, points at tattoo on his unit and asks,
"Hey, is your girlfriend's name Wendy too?"
The man says with a thick Island accent,
"No mon, mine says, 'Welcome To The Island, Have A Nice Day'."