A foursome was waiting at the men's tee while another foursome of ladies were hitting from the ladies tee.
The ladies were taking their time and when finally the last one was ready to hit the ball she hacked it about 10 feet, went over to it, hacked it another ten feet.
She looked up at the men waiting and said apologetically,
"I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help"
One of the men immediately replied, "No, you see there's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
-------------
Taken Apart
Little Johnny asked his mother, "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"
"Of course not! Where did you hear such nonsense?"
Little Johnny answered, "The other day, when Daddy and his friend were working out in the garage he said that he screwed the a$$ off his secretary"
------------
In Mourning
Jane lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the real world.
Finally, Jane says that she's ready to go out, but doesn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replies, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.
On their first night there, they start undressing.
Jane takes everything off, except for a pair of black lace panties; he is in his birthday suit.
Looking at Jane, he asks, "Why the black panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night.
The following night, the same scenario occurs. She's standing there with her black panties on and he is completely naked; only this time, he is wearing a black condom.
She looks at him and asks, "What's with the black condom?"
He replies, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."