Girl's Revenge
A girl and her boyfriend go to the pub. When it's the girl's turn to buy a round, she tells him that she's heard of a wonderful new drink he simply must try.
She returns with the usual half of lager for herself. For him, she has two glasses. One contains a measure of Bailey's, the other lime juice.
Instructions: "OK, what you gotta do is, you gotta swig the Bailey's, hold it in your mouth, and then drink the lime juice."
He looks a bit dubious, but she's very enthusiastic so he decides to give it a go.
First the Bailey's; lovely smooth, creamy, warm feeling in the mouth. Then he takes the lime juice.
T + 0.1 secs: The cream in the Bailey's curdles.
T + 0.3 secs: Boyfriend's face turns the color of fresh lime juice.
T + 0.6 secs: Boyfriend calms his stomach & swallows the gunge.
T + 1.5 secs: She whispers in his ear....
"It's called Blowjob revenge"
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Special Condom
One day an Indian chief walked into a pharmacy and asked to speak to the pharmacist. The pharmacist walks out and asks the chief, "How may I help you?"
The Chief replies, "Me got too many kids, need condoms."
The pharmacist assists the chief with selecting an over-the-counter brand of condom and sends him on his way. The next morning, the chief walks back into the pharmacy with a shredded, badly mangled condom. Shocked, the pharmacist asks what had happened.
Throwing the condom onto the counter, the chief replies angrily, "Last night, left nut go "Ungh," right nut go "Ungh," condom go BOOM!"
Surprised of the results, the pharmacist gives the chief special prescription condoms that are originally intended for use by adult film stars and NBA players. Hoping this does the trick, the pharmacist sends the chief on his way.
The next morning, the chief comes barging through the door with a shredded condom in his hand. Extremely surprised, the pharmacist asks the chief what happened.
The chief replies angrily, "Left nut go "Ungh," right nut go "Ungh," condom go BOOM!"
At his wits end, the pharmacist tells the chief to wait while he goes to the sporting goods store. At the store, the pharmacist buys a bike tire and a patch kit. He then takes a length of the tube, cuts it to a length, seals off one end with the patch kit, and hands it to the chief, knowing that this was his last hope.
The next morning, the Indian chief walks through the door walking bow-legged, very slowly, and with obvious pain. Surprised, the pharmacist runs out and asks the chief what the hell happened.
The chief looks him in the eye sadly, and with a very hoarse voice replies, "Left nut go "Ungh," right nut go "Ungh," condom go "Ungh," left nut go BOOM!"