The paperboy
A 13 year-old old paperboy knocks on the door of one of his customers. A beautiful 20 year-old woman answers the door in nothing but a transparent nightie and asks him what she can do to help him. He tells her that she owes him for four weeks bill and that he needs the money.
She wanted to know how much she owes him and he figures that, at four dollars a week for four weeks, she owes him 16 dollars. She told him that she doesn't have the 16 bucks but she will take him to bed and promise to make his teeth sweat. The kid figures, 'what the hell' and follows her into the house.
They go into the bedroom where she gets naked and lies on the bed, touching herself provocatively. He drops his paperbag from his shoulder and pulls his pants down, revealing an 11-inch member!
He then reaches into his bag and pulls out styrofoam spacers and starts to slide them over his penis to make it shorter. The girl says to him "Oh, don't worry boy, I can take all of that!" He looks up at her out of one eye and says "Not for 16 dollars!"
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Desperate times
A coal miner came down from the hills and walked into a bar. He ordered a drink and looked around seeing only men. He asked the bartender "Where are all the women at?"
"We don't have any here." came the reply.
"What do you all do for pleasure?" The miner asked.
"We do it with the animals."
Disgusted, the miner left and headed back to the hills.
Months later he returned to the establishment, after downing numerous whiskeys, he asked the bartender, "Y'all really do it to animals?"
"Yeah, we do," he insisted.
The drunken miner stepped outside and saw a pig run into the alley. He quickly ran a caught the sow by the hind legs and started screwing it.
Midway through, he realized the whole town was watching him in horror.
"My God!" the bartender yelled. "What're you doing?"
"You told me y'all did it with the animals here," the miner muttered.
"Yeah", the bartender replied, "but no one fucks the sheriffs girl!"