Smart Ass Johnny
Johnny always wanted to have sex with this hot blonde girl in his office but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said: "I will give you a $100 if you let me have you" but the girl said "NO".
Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult with her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She said "The Son of Bitch used coins and I had to keep my word."
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Newlywed bride
A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at "it" for three straight days.
The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else.... When his bride woke up, he said, "Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?"
His bride replied, "You show me one more trick with that thing and I'm going home to mother!"