Preparation for Senior Sex
Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.
Set timer for 10 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!
Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
Keep extra Polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
Don't even think about trying it twice.
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Blonde Bank Robbers
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.
The robbery begins Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Buffie.
Buffie goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes . . .
Two minutes pass . . .
Seven minutes pass . . . and Judy is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffie. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in he trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.
The guards pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon as the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Buffie said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Judy. "I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"