Tarzan with his new parts!
Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa. The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick.
Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.
"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But no like new wee-wee."
"Why's that?"
"It keep picking up weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass."
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Secret Service!
A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is Minding his business when a man with a large Black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and Orders a shot of rum. The bartender serves him, The man drinks the rum then starts walking out The door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"
The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The Bartender says, "All right then" and the man leaves.
A few minutes later another man with a large Black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and Orders a shot of rum. The bartender serves him, The man drinks the rum then starts walking out The door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay For that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says "All right then" and the Man leaves.
The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar And orders a shot of rum. He drinks the rum then Starts walking out the door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay For that?" The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."
The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black Beard?"
The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, "Secret Service!"