Tribal chief feathers
A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses.
"Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied.
Indicating a nearby young brave, he continued, "Him? One woman, one feather. Him?" Pointing to a second, older man, "Three women, three feathers."
The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many feathers!"
The Chief proudly slapped his chest. "Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall."
Horrified, the female reporter said, "You ought to be hung!"
The Chief said, "Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake."
The offended reporter said, "You don't have to be so hostile!"
The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!"
The reporter cried, "Oh, dear!"
"No deer", said the Chief. "Ass too high, run too fast !"
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The Birthday Suit
It was 5 o'clock in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walked in and bellowed, "This is a birthday suit inspection! I wanna see you all formed up outside and butt naked now!"
The soldiers quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks. The sergeant walked out and yelled, "Close up the ranks and conserve your body heat!"
The soldiers complied and moved closer together.
The captain appeared with his swagger stick. He walked up to the first soldier and whacked him right across the chest. "Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir!" "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
The captain then walked up to the next soldier and whacked him right across the chest. "Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir!" "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
The captain was rather impressed with the toughness of the soldiers, so he walked up to a third soldier. The captain noticed that the soldier had an enormous erection, so naturally he gave his target a huge whack with the swagger stick. "Did that hurt?" he yelled.
"No, Sir!" "Why not?"
"Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"