The Annoying Winking
The personnel director was interviewing people for the position of account executive. One candidate offered excellent references and experience, and he was well-dressed and well-spoken. The only catch was a disconcerting mannerism: the fellow couldn't seem to stop winking.
So the personnel director decided to be frank. "You've got all the qualifications for the job and I'd really like to hire you, but I have to be honest. I'm afraid that facial tic of yours might put clients off."
"I'm glad you brought that up, sir," said the candidate, "because all I need to make that annoying wink go away is a couple of aspirins. See for yourself. I've got some on me," he says, as he starts emptying his pockets on the desk. The prospective employer was startled to see dozens of packages of condoms piling up: ribbed ones, lubricated ones, multi-colored ones -- every variety imaginable.
"Aha," cried the young man happily, "here they are!" He brandished two aspirin tablets, swallowed them, and sure enough the 'wink' went away in less than a minute.
"So much for the wink," said the personnel manager sternly, gesturing at the mound of rubbers, "but what about all this stuff here? I don't want the company to be represented by some wild womanizer."
"No fear, sir," the prospect assured him. "I'm a happily married man!"
So how do you account for the contents of you pockets?"
It's quite simple, sir," the fellow assured him. "Did you ever go into a drugstore, winking like crazy, and ask for a bottle of aspirin?"
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A cop stops his patrol car when he sees this and his girlfriend sitting on the curb. This guy is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.
The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"
The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."
The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke."
She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."
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The Bus Drivers problem
This impotent bus driver goes to see his doctor. He wants some Viagra, but he doesn't want his wife to know about it.
The doc prescribes it for him, he heads to the pharmacist, who fills the prescription. Home is a good hour away so the bus driver quickly downs one of the little blue pills.
When he gets home, he doesn't even have to tell his wife with words, That twinkle in his eye speaks volumes, They tear off each other's clothes and are quickly in bed.
He manages to "rise to the occasion" three times.
Three times!
He expects his wife to be delighted, but instead, she seems rather sad.
"What's wrong, dear?" he asks
"I think your job is taking over every aspect of your life and it's doing you in," she sighs.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, even our sex life is like the bus service. Nothing for ages, and then -- three come all at once!"