Some things you just can't explain
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.
Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in... Some things you just can't explain.
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The Lottery ticket - Keep the faith
Every year at this state fair, this guy entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost every time. This year, he told his friend he wasn't going to bother to enter.
"What kind of attitude is that?" his friend asked. He leaned closer and whispered, "What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message."
Strolling around the fair, the guy grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God.
Finally, as he was passing old Mrs. Smith's pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn't wearing any panties, and suddenly her ass began to glow. All of a sudden, a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her ass as a notepad. The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.
Thanking God, he rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77.
A few minutes later, the drawing was held. And once again, he lost.
The winning number was 707.