The Serious Problem with date
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped you know, my tool to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show up and embarrass me."
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?" Asked Jeff
"I kicked her in the face."
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Twice a day!
This guy goes into a doctors and says, "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks.
"Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day," he answers back.
"That's not so much," says the doctor. "Yes, but that's not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor. "Yes, but that's not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," says the man.
"Well, that's definitely too much," says the doctor. "You've got to learn to take yourself in hand." "I do," says the man. "Twice a day!"
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