Wife divorced husband to marry his subordinate... naturally husband was very upset and unhappy...
After few days the ex-husband called his subordinate and sarcastically enquired "How is second hand stuff"... promptly came a very polite reply "You see Sir, actually the first inch is only second hand and thereafter it is first hand!"
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Size - Does it matter?
A young man was so paranoid about the size of his little tool that he could never work up the courage to have sex.
Then one day he fell in love with a nurse.
One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft music and led him into the bedroom. Totally scared, he told her of his problem.
"Don't worry," She said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh." Blushing the man drops his trousers.
"It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots smaller than that."
"Really?" the relieved man asked.
She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity unit."
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Mathematics Explained
He's teaching her arithmetic, he said it was his mission. He kissed her once, he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition." And as he added smack by smack, in silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction."
Then he kissed her, she kissed him without an explanation. And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication." Then Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision. He kicked that kid three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"