Divine Healing
An elderly couple was watching TV when a TV evangelist came on air to pray for the sick.
The evangelist said. "For those of you who are sick, I want to pray with you so that you can be cured of your sickness. Place your right hand on the part of your body that is suffering from disorder and raise your left hand."
The husband placed his right hand on his privates, raised his left hand, and closed his eyes.
His wife saw what he did, and slowly whispered, "Honey, this prayer is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead!"
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Does Heart Have Legs?
One fine day at school, the teacher was teaching about the heart.
After she had finished she said, "If any one has any doubts about what I have taught please ask."
Little Johnny stands up and asks, "Teacher, does the heart have legs?"
She replies, "no it doesn't. What makes you ask such a question?"
He says "Last night when I went into my parents bedroom I over heard my dad saying SWEET HEART spread your LEGS"
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Two Lips and Seven Kisses
There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"
To which the man replied, "No, its average!"