"Do you, yourself messenger, love him?"
I was about to take another bite, but stopped. And I begin to think, and ask myself, do I love god, the presence?
"As a messenger, I must love god" I hesitated a bit to throw that sentence
"I mean yourself"
I lowered my head and faced down, determining whether I loved him or just obeyed him. I needed to open myself on this matter, to answer it clearly. "What's your name?
She shook her head, "I won't tell you"
Sighed, "how old are you?"
"Why do you need to know?"
"Fine." I stared up onto the leaves, some sunlight fell onto my face, giving me warmth and comfort. "I guess it was 4 years ago, when I became a messenger at the age of 17"
The girl stares at me and I can see that she tilted her head a bit.
"Before I became a messenger, I was nobody…"
"Of course" she rolled her eye
"I was born nameless"
"I don't remember my parent's faces either, I've never seen them I believe. I was raised by a nun, she told me I was found in a basket on the river. She took care of me secretly, not wanting the church to know that she is raising a child. I saw her as my own mother, and began to attach to her, until I got seperated from her at age 6th. The church finds out and punished her, and I was sold to slavery."
The girl put full attention onto, listening to me carefully
"I worked in many places, my captor traded me to another captor. I've worked on a ship for 3 months without proper food, I was given leftovers or rubbish, and most of the time I need to drink the sea water during sailing. Other times, I've worked under a shoah, when I was 10 years old. I was punished if I am not following the rules"
I showed her some scars I had on my hand, and I lifted up my shirt a bit.
She gasped and closed her mouth while looking at my back.
"Then, when I reach 13 years old. I had more feminine features" I hesitated, calmed myself and continued, "I was raped countless times by soldiers, prisoners, and sometimes captor too" I don't want to imagine, don't want to visualize the horror I had, I experienced. "Then one day, I decided to run, flee from the place my captor placed me. I was running in a corn field, some mens chased me, thankfully I had a small body, I hid in it and continued to walk at night. Until I can't find a way out of the corn field, I believed my life just ended there, and closed my eyes for the final time."
"Then?"
"I was resurrected by him," I answered, crossing my hand in a praying position. "I was brought to his palace, and faced him directly, I saw his face"
"What does it look like?"
"Bright" I looked at the sun, "blinding the eyes that seeing him, however it projects peaceful aura. Also, that was the first time I able to see myself as a soul, not a human"
I took one last bite of my kebab, and she already finished it.
"God gave me a second chance, he made me a messenger"
"Does it always come at a cost?" she asked
"What?"
"Do you have to die and suffer first, until God finally looks at you?"
"It is not like that"
The girl stood up, "come with me messenger" she lent me a hand, I took it. "Stay close to me", she crossed her hand, and it started to emit white lights from it. "Close your eyes!" she exclaimed. I closed my eyes, and in a second we were in the dark. I wanted to open my eyes, but I can't, until she told me to, "now open your eyes"
I opened my eyes, we are in a different place, different world. We were standing on a hill, beneath it there's a city but it is nothing like Asmara, it was totally dark and almost abandoned, I saw almost no lights in vicinity, and the sky was dark and cloudy.
"Where are we?" I asked
"Earth 3, Renegar. My birthplace"
"What happened to this place? Many buildings have destroyed, as if there has been a war in here"
"We are in the warzone, this place should be abandoned and all the people here either moved or died"
We trailed down from the hill to the city, I can see the city clearer and horrible. It's quiet, ruined, stones from destroyed buildings overrun the road, hard to take steps to walk. All around me are just ruined, above me, black sky. God, where are you? Did you plan for this to happen? Why?