So what was right or wrong about chapter 3?
To start off with the obvious is that it has to be the 10 rules. Copy that and move it somewhere else use it as a reference, but don't forget to remove it. In this case, the section about a cat running up a tree was not complete. We so far only know why the cat is on an important mission, but not why he ran up a tree, or read/experienced him delivering the Blue Goo.
Well, let's take a look at that. Everything flows smoothly. The beginning however through you in an environment where there was no backstory, just one agent telling another agent about the report on Mission log number 8596. That's fine, it can be used as a flashback point, but also can't, as it has no real reason why it was placed in the story. However what can be used, is after the report is finished, it can then follow one of the two individuals in the room out.
Now everything else flowed quite nicely, and if I continue this there would be no problem, however, the audience for this type of style is not one I am targeting, this style is more Disney, esk. In the form I am targeting, there needs to be more detail about the world.
For example, the child could see the cat form of agent Street Cat, however, the mom did not, why? Was it really just magic? How about the person in the elevator with Street Cat, how come he did not see the cat? There were also rooms he passed through really fast to find the Blue Goo, and was like he knew where to go without checking the rest.
Now with that all being said, what else do we see in that chapter and the previous ones, that I did not mention? The spacing/margins. The spacing and margins are a great tool to help a reader keep track of where they are in the chapter and makes the reader feel that they have progressed. It's hard to explain how this works, and each writer has their own style that is their own. I like a mixture of paragraphs and one-liners, so that the information section, talking, and action sections are properly conveyed.
Last we have this transition thing.
"punctuation means it's spoken out loud"
( punctuation means its a thought bubble )
* punctuation means its an action of some sort *
~~~ punctuation means a scene transition/flashback ~~~
and no punctuation at all would be a narration.
Now, this is not a necessity to have, however, it's a great way to inform your audience of what's happening, this, however, loses its meaning when used in a tts function, as you don't know that it is a thought bubble or an action.
If you want to write a thought bubble you're very limited to something like.
As Fred saw the dead body, he was thinking about what had happened.
This is a very constrictive writing style, so informing your audience of a different way of conveying certain actions can allow you to write outside of the box. Another example of this would be the actions. What sounds better?
Slowly being pushed back into a dark room, and stumbling on scattered debris he fell to his back and sliced his hand on something sharp. Ignoring the pain, and grasping it tightly he prepares himself for the danger in front of him.
THUNK
THUNK
THUNK
Gritting his teeth he gets up and charges forward toward the lurking monster thrusting his hand in an attempt to kill it.
or
Fred in a state of fright gets pushed back by the lurking monster. He stumbles on scattered debris on the floor, falling on his back. Fred sliced his hand on something sharp. Fred ignores the pain and grasps the item tightly as he prepares himself for the monster in front of him.
Thunk the monster takes a step forward.
Thunk the monster takes another step forward.
and Thunk the monster takes another step forward.
Fred grits his teeth. Getting himself up, he charges forward toward the lurking monster. Fred then thrusts his hand in an attempt to kill it.
In my personal opinion, the first version is better, however, there are cases where the second is more preferential to the situation. In a cat runs up a tree it's not a formal occasion or a documentary. Instead, it's an informal way of writing that lets the audience feel more attached to the actions rather than seeing the characters and monsters as living beings, rather than a story about objects.
You don't view a documentary, the same way you write a drama, so why right in such a constrictive manner? Write in such a way that feels right.
If your main characters watching a monster-truck show, don't write in a first-person perspective. Change it to the announcer, and over-exaggerate the scene, to make it feel more lively.
However, if your main character is in an action sequence chasing down someone in a monster-truck show, entirely write it in the first and third person. Using the first person, for more inside thoughts while this action is proceeding, then switch to a third person for the actual chase scene. There are many ways you can take advantage of writing a story, as long as you try.
I don't want to talk about this as it's new as of writing this, but don't try to copy something you don't understand. The new HBO series Velma is a version of scooby doo, where it's mature. However, they just tell bad jokes and talk about small pp's instead of doing something useful. It was like watching a train wreck where everything was just hard to watch and listen to. Nothing was original, it just felt like they copied family guy, and hoped for the best, don't do this. Like they could have tackled real topics and had much more violent murder mysteries. Instead, they murdered the series before it even came out. 1 episode is all it took to kill the series for most watchers.
Enough of that tangent, you are free to experiment with your writing, just have someone to talk to for a response, or to bounce ideas off of.
Now the last thing to talk about in this chapter is.
~~~ Some shop in the association ~~~
This section of the story is quite interesting. As it has two characters talking and interacting with one another, however.
"I'll take that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, some of those, 300 magical rounds, one health potion, and let's see, hmm, do you have a mag..."
"STOP, STOP, STOP IM ONLY ONE MAN! So you needed, the reinforced magical leather, these three blank scrolls, sealing low-grade scroll, sealing mid-grade scroll, sealing high-grade scroll, a high-grade tracker pendant. 300 magical round, a health potion. Ok, what else?"
This section did not state who was who, but somehow you already know who is who. In this case, the person saying I'll take that, is our Street Cat, while the other one is the merchant. There were also areas within this section that felt like they had some sort of background and knew each other prior to this meeting.
"You know the one I want."
"No."
"They said any item."
"The answer is still no, choose something else."
So with all this in mind Let's write a story from the very beginning starting the next chapter and proceeding until the Blue Goo is delivered. Do not worry the story won't be just one or two chapters long, so I won't see you for quite a while. I hope you enjoy the story and learn as you go. The next chapter will be called...
A Street cat appears.