And so, two o'clock found Harris waiting in front of the flat Joshua and his mother lived in. He had picked up a few yellow roses on the way, and when Joshua stepped out and saw him his eyes widened and he looked like he was struggling to keep back a laugh. "Hi, Harris," he said, cheeks coloring slightly.
"I couldn't decide if this was-" Harris hesitated, searching for the word Joshua often used- "weird." He waved the flowers uncertainly.
Joshua did laugh then. He ducked his head as if to hide it. "It's a bit strange," he said. "Ain't ever gotten flowers before, have I?"
Harris felt another directionless wave of irritation at anyone and everyone who had ever made Joshua feel less than 'lovely.' Harris considered telling Joshua that he could still take his underappreciated gift elsewhere, but he decided against it. One day, perhaps, Joshua would be able to take such a joke as it was meant. They still weren't there yet. "Well, you have now," Harris said instead. "Might brighten the place up."
Joshua took the flowers. "Uh. Thank you. Let me just-"
Harris waited while Joshua went back inside to put the flowers in water and tried to focus on the good things. Although the problems that Harris was having with Joshua as a charge were so obvious they could probably be put in textbooks, Harris sometimes doubted that he could even have made as little progress as he had without forming a personal relationship with Joshua.
It had taken a campaign of quiet, gentle touches- a squeeze on his shoulder, a fingertip brushing over the back of his hand, a palm resting on the small of his back to steer him somewhere- for Joshua to relax into casual physical displays of affection.
The first time that Joshua had leaned into Harris's hand on his arm it was like watching a whole new world open up.
And the first time- while they were sitting side by side in a darkened theater- that Joshua had rested his head on Harris's shoulder without encouragement, there was a moment where Harris felt like said world stopped turning altogether.
It did him good. Harris knew it did, knew that Joshua's aura had more color in it every day- but he also knew that he had himself grown too accustomed to touching Joshua already. That after going so long without touching anyone at all he anticipated that contact far too much and would hunger after it terribly once Joshua had fallen in love and Harris had eased his way out of Joshua's life for good, but for now he could enjoy it and know he was helping Joshua in the process.
Because it was helping. When Joshua came back out and the door clicked shut behind him he was smiling, easy in himself in a way that Harris would never have imagined when they first met.
In fact, as Harris took him in, he realized that Joshua's aura had finally turned a pure, clean red- a complete turnaround that Harris had sometimes despaired of ever seeing in him. Joshua was finally ready to let someone in.
"Hi," Joshua said, like he'd never seen Harris before. He sounded a little breathless and he was looking at Harris with wide eyes and an open expression that Harris nevertheless couldn't seem to read.
"Hi," Harris said in return, because in a way he was seeing Joshua for the first time- seeing the Joshua he should have seen from the first, someone for whom the world held more possibility of hope and joy than fear and suffering.
They could finally begin, Harris thought, with a pang he couldn't quite explain to himself. This was, after all, exactly what he had been working for. He buried the feeling, determined to enjoy this afternoon and then get to work as soon as possible. He crooked his elbow. Joshua smiled and took his arm without hesitation.
Harris told himself that this was as it should be, and that the hard part was over.
~oOo~
On the day Harris had promised himself that he would float the idea of dating to Joshua and learn his opinions and tastes on the subject, the universe decided that it had other plans and selected Eliza Alcott as its messenger.
Harris had planned to take Joshua to dinner and bring the topic up then. He hadn't quite figured out how he would do it- with delicacy, that much he was sure of, but he sometimes got tongue-tied whenever Joshua smiled or took the initiative and touched Harris first for a change, and it was so much easier to tell himself to do something with delicacy than it was to actually do it. When Harris arrived and Joshua answered the door with his arms full of his sister, Harris immediately knew that what little planning he had done would most likely be for naught.
Joshua was all red cheeks and apologetic eyes as he explained that his mother had gotten a call from a friend who needed her, leaving Joshua to watch his sister for most of the night.
"Of course I don't mind," Harris told him immediately. "Family first."
If Harris had learned anything about Joshua, it was that no words could be truer. This was not the first time Eliza's needs had interrupted their plans and Harris doubted it would be the last- this was, if nothing else, a reminder that Harris still had to take his time. No one deserved to find their perfect match more than Joshua did, and Harris now knew from personal experience that said match would have to love Eliza as much as Joshua did and not take offense at something like this.
Joshua bit his lip and looked down at his bare feet, making an oddly adorable picture with the child in his arms. "You could stay. Uh. If you wanted." He lifted his chin at last, but only to look at Eliza. "We're making dinner, ain't we, love?"
She nodded seriously.
"I would like that," Harris said. "Although I'm useless in the kitchen, I warn you."
"We'll find something for him to do, won't we, Eliza girl?" Joshua said, still addressing his sister, who giggled this time but otherwise did not respond.
Harris tried to look put-upon, but he most likely failed.
Dinner- chicken soup with lots of vegetables, because Joshua took feeding his sister a healthy diet very seriously- was like almost everything with Joshua had been since the café, surprisingly easy. Harris decided not to start asking probing questions about Joshua's previous relationships, such as they were, to try to get a sense of what he liked. It didn't seem appropriate in the moment- and if Harris was honest, he also didn't want to ruin an unexpectedly wonderful evening with shop talk.
After dinner, Eliza disappeared for a while as Harris and Joshua did the dishes. It too was so very easy, the two of them companionably brushing shoulders, talking about some recent films and how Joshua's new job was going.
When Eliza returned, she slipped a hand into Harris's while it was still damp from the water, tugging on him and saying his name in the somewhat garbled manner she always had.
He dropped into a crouch before her. He stuck in the minds of children much more than those of adults, but he had rarely been around one often enough for it to matter before. But he had spent enough time around Eliza since he and Joshua met to conclude that the two of them understood each other. "What can I do for you, my lady?" he asked as if she were the queen.
Harris heard a giggle that he was fairly sure came from Joshua rather than Eliza.
"Read to me," she said.
Harris glanced up at Joshua. "Do you mind?"
"Course not," Joshua said, eyes warm and steady. "Just don't wind her up too much before bath time, yeah?"
"Naturally," Harris agreed, and smiled at Eliza. "Lead on."
She tugged him to the couch, where her book selection was already waiting. It was, Harris noticed, the very book Joshua had bought for her the day they met- and from the very bookstore where Joshua now worked, thanks to a final nudge from Merlin. She cuddled up against his side and he read aloud, not processing much about the book itself- distracted by how domestic it all was. He hadn't thought he much missed life until Joshua happened, but more and more often now he found himself melancholy at the thought of losing it so soon after he had found it again.
Eliza tugged on his sleeve. "Pay attention," she instructed. "Do the voices."
"Of course," Harris replied, and put those thoughts from his mind. She was right, if inarticulate. It did no good to dwell on the fact that he would lose these moments when he should be savoring them instead. That, at least, would hurt no one.
When Harris was finished, Eliza seemed content, and Harris set the book down next to the lamp and looked up at Joshua, who was leaning against the kitchen doorway and glowing such a deep, brilliant red. It might have been the light and the complete nature of the change in him, but Harris could have sworn that his aura was the color of wine- that faint purple tinge a sign that not only was his heart open, it was beginning to be set on someone in particular.
But surely that was a mistake? Surely Harris would have seen that happening…
"He any good at that, Eliza girl?" Joshua asked, interrupting Harris's panicked thoughts.
"He's all right," she said critically. "He got better towards the end. And he was always better than Sandra."
Sandra, a friend of their mother's who often looked after Eliza, was her nemesis.
Joshua looked at the floor, laughing softly. "All right," he said when he was recovered. "It's time for your bath."
She pouted, but went readily enough. Joshua was so very good with her.
They left Harris alone with his thoughts, and Harris strained to think of someone- anyone- that Joshua could be falling in love with, someone he at least took an interest in, and could find no one. Joshua had not mentioned developing such feelings, and Harris would have thought he was a good enough friend- or, given how much older than Joshua he was, perhaps even a mentor- that Joshua would mention it if he was pining- because he certainly wasn't dating. He spent too much of his time with Harris. A coworker, perhaps? Harris had picked him up from work a few times, and there were a few people who were about Joshua's age that seemed attractive- and were pleasant enough, given how Joshua talked about them. If it wasn't one of them Harris couldn't think who it might be. The girl from the café, perhaps? They might have hit it off after Harris left, though it stung a little to think that Joshua wouldn't have mentioned it.
When Joshua came back Harris was no closer to making up his mind if he was wrong about seeing that touch of purple in Joshua's aura or if Joshua was interested in someone and hadn't said so. Eliza was flushed pink and in her pajamas, and Joshua took her to bed. "Say goodnight to Harris," he said.
"G'night," she told him.
"Good night," Harris said in return.
They disappeared into Eliza's room, and Joshua reappeared alone not much later, having put her to bed with relative ease.
"You're good with Elly," Joshua said, flopping down next to Harris on the couch.
"I'm adequate, apparently."
Joshua snickered. "Better than Sandra."
"Not much difficulty in that, if Miss Eliza is to be believed."
The snicker turned into a full bodied laugh. Joshua looked heart-stoppingly lovely with his head thrown back, his smile wide, and his eyes closed. If he 'was' interested in someone, and they hadn't noticed him, Harris thought they were damn fools whoever they were. Joshua was so relaxed and easy, and there was such warmth in his eyes when he looked at Harris, that as reluctant as Harris was to bring it up he thought the opportunity was too perfect to pass up. He had to ask Joshua if there was anyone he had his eye on.
Harris opened his mouth, but the words never came out because there was a sharp knock at the door.