It had taken everything Lian had not to pace outside the Golden Slumbers after she'd officially purchased her first home. She hadn't owned a home since she'd been a real Shuli Go sixteen years earlier: that one had been a tiny shack near the center of her Go – the administrative division she'd been charged with protecting. It was a relief in one way, a joy in another, and a pain too, the thought of spending another 2% of her wealth digging into her like a needle in the ribs, a pain that was especially acute because it was not dulled by the highs of a night with Mei. Still, she had a place she could stay for a while, and to give herself something to do the rest of the day, she checked herself out of the expensive inn and moved all her belongings into the new home.
Her new sets of clothes in a dresser, her swords on the ground in front of it, and the six and a half gold remaining that she had not deposited in the bank did not fill even one tiny corner of the room, so she took the remaining half gold and set about furnishing the apartment. A new bed set her back five silver, a second-hand dining set another silver and fifty copper, cookware and bowls another fifty copper on top of that. By the time she was all done, the half gold had disappeared, the apartment was at least livable, and she still had no idea what to do with herself.
Luckily by that point it was nearly nighttime, and after she'd made and eaten her first meal in her new home, she felt she could probably pace outside the Golden Slumbers long enough for Mei's shift to start without drawing too many stares. Halfway to the brothel though, an idea appeared to her, and she ran off to find a gift she could buy for Mei.
This proved difficult. Mostly because she didn't actually know the woman that well, but also because Lian had never really been in a position to purchase a gift for anyone before. She'd given food to the hungry, and none-too-gently persuaded those with shelter to share with those who didn't. But a gift of heft and permanence had always been outside Lian's financial abilities.
She wandered the shops and stalls of Yiwu's main square, where all the riches and extravagances of the Central Empire were available for purchase. She thought a bracelet or chain of gold too gaudy, perfume too personal, and wine too impersonal. Then she walked into a book store, lined with dozens upon dozens of old tomes and stacks of popular scrolls inscribed with poems and epic tales of dynasties long-passed. As soon as she walked in to the store she knew what she wanted, but it took her quite a while to locate the book. It was thin, the paper new and fresh-smelling, and the calligraphy was so precise Lian almost thought for a moment that it was one of the new type-set books she'd heard about being made by the religious scholars in the east. It cost five silver pieces, which suddenly felt so miniscule Lian had to remind herself just how anxious parting with the same amount had made her only two days earlier.
She arrived back at the Golden Slumbers just as the sun was setting. When she walked in the Madam greeted her once again, but informed her that Mei was seeing another client. Lian's heart and face dropped, which didn't escape the notice of the Madam.
"I wouldn't worry," the older woman – Lian could finally see the attempts to cover the lines etched around her cheeks and eyes – tried to assure Lian. "I believe I've seen this customer before. He shouldn't be more than an hour at the most." She smiled at Lian. "Please, have a seat in the waiting room, through here," the Madam led Lian to a small lounge, where velvet chairs were arrayed between tall, fragrant plants, and a semi-circular bar sat in the middle of the room.
"I will come to get you when she is available. And don't worry, I'll ensure no other customers ask for Mei tonight."
"Thank you," Lian responded, "Madam…?"
"Cicao. And of course. Please, enjoy yourself while you wait."
But Lian couldn't. The book, which had seemed so weightless before, now sat heavy in her lap as she drank glass after glass of cold water. She watched a few other guests come and go, even tried to distract herself with the sight of one of the most handsome men she'd ever seen, who served drinks behind the bar. But she couldn't stop second-guessing her purchase, and even her entire presence there. She felt like every other customer who walked in was giving her the same look Jiang had given her that morning, when he hinted that she was throwing her money away in pursuit of a prize that would never be hers. And here she was about to spend another gold piece chasing after that same prize. She felt foolish and drank the water to try and cool the blush of embarrassment she felt creeping into her cheeks.
Then a man sat down beside her, and all her senses disappeared except for the parts of her brain that had been honed to detect danger. The man himself was not threatening in the least: he was middle-aged, perhaps slightly younger than Madam Cicao, slight of build and only a bit taller than Lian, dressed very regally, sporting a headdress adorned with pearls and jade beads, and wearing a smile that only those of extreme wealth ever feel comfortable wearing. To Lian, and everyone who was not swimming in gold, it was the smile of privilege. It was that smile that intimidated Lian. A man like this did not ask for things, he was used to simply getting them without any questions whatsoever. Lian hated him at once.
"Madam Zhao," he nodded slightly in her direction, in mimicry of a bow. "It's so good to see you here again tonight."
Lian didn't want to know how he knew her name. She took a moment to push down the urge to ask after that detail, and instead responded, "I'm sorry, you are?"
"Ah," he nodded again, "of course, how silly of me. My name is Duan. Duan Hou. I am the owner of the Golden Slumbers."
Lian mimicked his head-bow and tone, "Ah, a pleasure to meet you."
Her mimicry was not unrecognized, and his eyes narrowed slightly as he realized he was being mocked.
"I see you have taken quite an interest in our dear Mei."
Lian again paused to consider how to respond. She did not want Mei to get into any trouble, but she also wanted to tell Duan to go fuck himself as clearly as possible.
"She's enchanting."
Duan laughed, and Lian was surprised how real the laugh felt. "Yes, indeed. She is magical. And we all truly care for and adore her."
"I'm glad," Lian said through gritted teeth.
"So you understand why we would hate to see anything happen to our beloved girl. And why we would take any steps necessary to ensure she remains safe and happy here at the Golden Slumbers."
The pair of threats hung over them both, and Lian let them hang there, if only so Duan would know she'd taken them under advisement.
"Of course," she replied cooly.
"Ah, good." The smile returned stronger than ever, and Duan rose to leave her. "I'm glad we could both agree on the need for Mei's safety and well-being."
The man spun and left, the beads on his hat clinking and chiming. Lian watched him go, seething, her fingers digging into her book, almost cracking the cover.
"Ma'am," it was Cicao standing above her now. "Mei is available now."
Lian took a moment to breathe through her anger, then thanked Cicao and bounded up to Mei's room. As soon as she saw the beautiful woman seated at the dining table, another glass of cold water on the table, all the emotions she experienced in the lounge – the embarrassment and anger in equal parts – disappeared.
"I brought you something," Lian approached the table, set off her over-robes, and sat beside Mei, facing her.
"You didn't have to," Mei cooed, even though they both knew women like her received presents almost nightly from amorous customers.
Lian presented the book and put it on the table in front of Mei. She watched anxiously as the other woman looked it over, then burst into a smile.
"The Shuli Go Training Guide," Mei read the title and laughed. "This is amazing."
"I know you were probably just playing the part last night, but you seemed genuinely interested."
"Wow." She chuckled again. "I've never actually read it. That's rare. Actually a book at all as a gift is rare."
Lian was slightly surprised. "You read often though?"
"Yes. I… I read in my days off. I've read quite a few books in my day actually."
"Well then I'm glad I managed to find you something new that might interest you."
"I love it."
Lian played with a wafer of candy on the table as Mei opened the book and ran her hands over the characters. Lian popped the candy into her mouth and savored the sweetness of it before she gathered the courage to ask Mei something.
"You've read a lot you said?"
"Mm-hm," Mei was engulfed in the book, slowly leafing through the pages.
"Oh good, because I was wondering if you knew of a passage from this one book that I've never read."
"Which one is that?" Mei looked up at Lian.
"I think it was called 'Empress Tan III's Instructions for the Imperial Harem' if I remember."
Mei's eyebrows shot up, "Ah yes, of course. I do know that one. In fact they make you read it before you start working here."
Lian reached under Mei's robe and put her hand on the other woman's thigh, kneading it and running her fingers over the skin. "I've heard there's a passage in there about the etiquette for women who wish to be seen as desirable to a powerful lord or lady."
Mei set her present down on the table and looked into Lian's face, grinning. "Could it be the one that says, 'A woman of the court shall keep the hair of her head clean and straight at all times, the hair above her eyes neat and orderly, and remove all hair below that point. For a woman should be smooth and soft to the Imperial touch.' Could that be one?"
Lian squeezed the back of Mei's leg tightly, the suppleness of her skin sending shivers up Lian's back. "I think that was it, yes."
"Tell me," Mei sighed, leaning in and kissing Lian softly on the lips. "Do you think I pass that particular Imperial test?"
"Oh I wasn't worried about you," Lian said, pulling back slightly.
"Oh? No?"
"No." Lian stood up and let out her Shuli Go braid, her hair falling in waves after another day's wear. "You have a razor here?" She asked Mei.
Mei nodded, a hint of surprise on her face.
"I want you to shave me. Eyebrows down," she admitted, finally voicing what she'd felt the night before, when she imagined the coarseness of her own body and how unattractive it must have seemed to a woman used to kept female customers and not travel-stained warriors. "I want to feel like a woman." She shook off her remaining clothes and stepped out of her shoes. "Please."
Mei nodded and smiled, rose and kissed Lian full and long on the lips.
"I want to be soft for you," Lian whispered after their kiss ended. "And then I want us to eat each other's pussies for a few hours while they're nice and soft," she half-joked. Mei laughed and they kissed again.
In a few minutes they were in the bathtub once again, soaking in the heat, and Mei took her clean straight razor, and started grooming Lian. As she did so, Lian worked on addressing the last of the things that had set her uneasy that first night.
"How old were you when you started reading?" Lian asked Mei.
"Oh, you know, a child. I went to school here in the city."
"Your parents must have been wealthy."
"Not too wealthy. My parents seemed to have money one minute and then none the next."
"But you stayed in school?"
"Mm-hm."
"You didn't want to go for a post in the bureaucracy? Or become a clerk for a manufactory somewhere?"
"No, I… I had to start working very young. No time for that."
"…Working here?"
"No. But I have been here for quite a few years."
"Too many?" Lian asked.
"…Probably, yes." Mei finished with Lian's underarms and nudged her to the far end of the tub so her legs could rise up.
"So what's your favorite book? Have you read any more than once?" Lian asked, wanting to change the subject.
Mei began coating Lian's leg in soap, then combing the razor along the length of her shin.
"Plenty. I don't know if I have a favorite though."
"No? Nothing you could read again and again?"
"Well," she reconsidered as she switched hands with the razor and worked on Lian's calf. "I have probably read Master Long's The Story of Zan and Zu about a thousand times."
"I don't think I've ever even heard of that one," Lian admitted.
"It's not one of his better known books," Mei explained, and then she explained the book, her description of the story slow, in time with the even strokes of the blade on Lian's skin. "It's all about this peasant couple who are trapped in a barn house as they're escaping the fall of the Fan dynasty. It's… well, it's hard to describe. Nothing much happens I guess. It's literally just about the two of them in this barn house for two weeks as they avoid the soldiers and the bandits and the other peasants trying to survive. Mostly they just sit there and talk. You know, about life before the war and everything. And then they talk about their pasts a bit, and the narrator takes you through their histories. You find out about Zan's parents not wanting her to marry Zu but she does it anyway. Then about Zu and how his mother died giving birth to him and he's always felt guilty for it. And then you find out how they met and fell in love and then how the wars and the heavens came down to wreck their life. And then right at the end you find out they had two children – two little girls – and how the week before they made it to the barn they'd been caught by some soldiers and the soldiers had raped the little girls to death. And it's so sad. I mean, eventually you figure out that maybe they're in purgatory, and that the barn house is just the last stage of their life before they go on to death. Or maybe they died a week ago too but can't leave until they let go of their daughters. But it doesn't matter. It's just so sad."
Lian was almost crying as this woman continued ceaselessly shaving her legs with the utmost care and attention. She couldn't hold back her question. "You read this a lot? It sounds so depressing. Why…?"
"Oh it's beautiful too," Mei brushed it off. "It was the best writing he ever did. Even when he describes the barn house – it's so plain and simple right? But he makes it all seem poetic. He fills every little corner of that house with stories and insight. It's quite something."
Lian let it fall silent for a moment, but Mei wasn't finished.
"But I guess I read it a lot because it makes me feel better that I can't have children."
Now it was evidently Mei's turn to divulge more information than had been asked for.
"I mean, what's the point of having children if you're going to bring them into a world like that, right?"
Lian ignored the question and drove to the true topic. "…Why can't you have children?"
"There was an accident. I…" she stopped. Mei looked up at Lian and finished shaving the last tiny hairs off the woman's one leg, then froze before she could move on to the other. "I'm sorry. I don't know if you wanted to know all that. I just thought…"
"What?"
"Well, I know Shuli Go can't have children either. I thought you'd understand." Mei started shaving Lian's other leg.
"I…" Lian thought hard for a moment. There were only four people in the world who knew what she was about to tell Mei. She thought of what could happen if Mei spoke to someone. She thought also of Duan and the fact that he knew her name already. But eventually her heart gave way – not out of a desire to comfort Mei, but because Lian had long worried about the same thing, and she wanted to confide that fear in another person. "I actually have a son."
Mei was dumbfounded. She froze and stared at Lian. "But I thought you were infertile? Isn't that part of the Shuli Go magic?"
"Yes. And I still am. It was… like something out of a book, I guess. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. And now he's alive and he's out there in the world and it's frightening. It's exactly what you said. The world is a scary place, and there's so much… cruelty out there. And I've seen so much of it up close. And I am absolutely terrified for him every single day. If anyone ever found out he was the child of a Shuli Go, they would do the most atrocious things to him. And that keeps me awake a lot of nights. Most nights, actually."
Mei blinked, taking all this in. Lian watched her for signs she would betray her and her secret, but all Lian saw was what she had hoped to build: a connection, the two women terrified of failing children they were never supposed to have. Mei slowly started shaving Lian's legs again.
"But not when I'm here," Lian admitted. "Not with you. Last night was the best sleep I've had in years."
Mei smiled, "I'm glad. Truly."
The two women sat in silence, the slight sloshing of the water as Mei worked the only sound.
"How old is he? Your son?"
"He's twelve."
"And what's his name?"
"Quan."
"Quan… that's a lovely name."
Mei set Lian's legs back, then glided through the hot water and pressed herself against Lian's body. "I've never slept better than with you, either," she said. Lian looked again for a lie, but found none. She could feel every part of her body giving way to the woman. Her heart most especially. It felt like it was going to flutter away out of her chest with joy, and it took everything she had not to take the woman right then and there in the water. She was just about to in fact, when Mei stopped her.
"Now I really have my heart set on all that pussy eating you mentioned earlier. So let's finish this work, shall we?" She didn't even given Lian a chance to respond, just kissed her with several erotic lashes of her tongue, then hoisted the Shuli Go up onto the edge of the tub and spread her legs. "And it really is much more pleasurable when it's soft and smooth."
It was, as Lian found out. Over an hour later she and Mei lay in bed next to each other, the room heavy and thick with the scents of sex and exertion, Mei's hand still casually stroking the softness of Lian's thighs, her pubic mound, her calves. And Lian felt sated in her femininity, similar in feel at least to Mei herself, their two bodies indecipherable from one another except by the slightly darker tone of Lian's skin and the extra muscles of her body. As darkness coated the room though, the differences were invisible to the touch, and every motion was like a static shock of energy across one another's nerves as their bodies glistened and held one another in a sexual afterglow.
"I haven't felt like this in… decades." Lian admitted.
"Like what?"
"Like… a woman, I guess. We never had time to do anything like this back in the school. But sometimes we'd steal a few minutes here and there. We'd sometimes get dressed up for each other – put together a new outfit or learn a new way to do our hair." Lian paused, reminiscing. "We'd dance. The smaller ones leading and letting the bigger girls feel like the women. We needed it, I think. It was weird, because even though we were all girls, none of us felt like it most of the time."
"…And since then?"
"Since then I've just been too busy trying to survive I guess. And survival is a man's game."
Lian felt the air seep out of Mei just a little bit. A tiny, involuntary gasp. And she reconsidered what she'd just said, what she'd implied.
"You too?" She asked. "Just surviving?"
"…Yes," Mei whispered, pain in her voice.
Lian squeezed the parts of their entwined bodies that felt least like her own in a weak attempt at reassurance. And finally she felt the opportunity she'd been waiting for since she'd been caught in the gallery two days earlier. To peek – no, she corrected herself, I'm prying – under the surface of Mei's façade.
"What was your school like?" Lian asked, pushing back gently in the same direction she'd given way to herself the night before. "Was it strict?"
Mei took a deep breath before responding. "Yes. Oh yes, very. They'd whip our hands if we forgot any of our lessons." She exhaled again, then chuckled. "And you know what? I don't remember a single one of those lessons. All I remember are the whippings."
Lian nestled her head closer to Mei's, breathed the woman in.
"I was one of the better students too. But I remember there were kids – boys usually – who just froze when the teacher called on them. And then after a few whippings they'd get even more scared. Eventually they couldn't even listen to the teacher without freezing up. Everything was hard for them, but they kept coming to school because their parents were rich or powerful. And I imagine most of them became rich and powerful themselves. Even if they could barely read. I felt bad for them, in a way. They'd wind up doing something they hated their whole lives, because it was expected of them."
"So you don't hate it here?" Lian asked the obvious question.
"Oh of course I do," Mei responded. "But I do… enjoy it, in a way, I guess. I mean, I enjoy the sex, usually. Most of the clients aren't… terrible. It's the place that I hate."
Lian wanted to point out the even more obvious – that as far as brothels went, the Golden Slumbers was a fairly luxurious place. But Mei volunteered the rest of the story on her own.
"It's like what you said. Surviving. When I'm here I'm just surviving. Sometimes literally. Some of the people who come here, they don't care how expensive you are, a woman like me is just something to be hurt. Because they pay for me, I'm just a thing. Just a whore. So every time I come in here, I remember those times, when I barely survived. And I hate that. But I also hate the walls, the floors. Every surface. I hate them all. Because every day I'm here, I'm just surviving. You know? Living another day here, scraping along."
"You can't leave?"
"No," she responded too quickly, as if she was blocking out the thought from even spreading across her mind. "No. I agreed to it. I signed a contract. I can't leave."
"If you've saved up enough money I'm sure you could have the mayor or the prefect nullify the contract," Lian tried to make sure her voice stayed as neutral as possible, betraying her own deep desire for Mei to do just that, then spend the next hundred years in Lian's bed in the tiny apartment she'd just bought.
Mei smiled with resignation. "It's not that simple I'm afraid."
Lian wanted to push even more, but realized she was far exceeding the usual prostitute-client barriers, and did not want Mei to consider her another abusive customer, pushing her to do things she didn't want. Instead she asked, "Do you ever get any time off? Have you ever travelled?"
"One night a week. That's all. Never long enough to go anywhere. I haven't been more than a mile from Yiwu in… forever."
"Where would you like to go? I mean, if you could just get up and leave tomorrow, where would you go?"
Mei thought about it a while, then said, "The mountains of Qi. I've never seen mountains."
"They are beautiful," Lian admitted, even as she wished she hadn't. Once again it felt too much like bragging.
Mei didn't take it that way though. She pressed her cheek closer to Lian and whispered back, "Tell me what they're like."
"…What do you want to know?"
"Just…what it's like to see them. Describe them to me."
Lian thought about it but blanked almost at once, like one of the boys in Mei's school. "Umm… well, they're mountains."
Mei helped. "What color are they?"
"Green. Most of the year. A bright green. Covered in trees. And when the sun is out it's almost blinding how green they get. And where it's too steep for the trees to grow you can see the actual mountains underneath. They're limestone, I think, or something. It's a… cool, gray, I think. And in the winter the very tips get white with frost. Just a tiny band at the very top."
"What did you think the first time you saw them?"
"Just… wow. I think I said that out loud. They're really that good. And then when you go through Chonglu pass, and you look up and they're all around you on every side, it's like the Gods are standing watch over you. And you feel so small."
Mei shuddered next to her, within her and their shared body. "I don't like feeling like that."
"No, it's not a bad small. It's like… I don't know. Like you finally get perspective on things, you know? Like you're small and insignificant, but then you hear a songbird – there are songbirds all through the mountains – and you remember you're bigger than that. And then you look to your left and there are monkeys climbing down off the mountain and you're bigger than them. And to your right are the little animals eating insects. And then you think of the insects, and you just keep going down and everything makes a little bit more sense, I think."
Mei started to rub her hand over Lian's face, almost frantically. Lian took the hand in her own and squeezed.
"What does it smell like?" Mei asked, her voice strained with a need to know.
"Fresh. Humid. Not like a jungle, even though with all those trees it feels like one sometimes. It's more like outside Yiwu – like land that's just ready for rain. And when you're in Chonglu pass you can always hear the river. That's how you know if you've gone too far off the path. If you can't hear the river, you should turn around."
"And the river?"
"Wide and slow. I've only seen it once though. But it was nice. Calm, almo---"
Mei shut Lian up with a kiss.
"I'm sorry," Lian said when they parted. "I thought you wanted to know more."
"I do, I'm just…"
"You'll see it one day," Lian assured her.
Mei smiled that same smile, as though the thought of visiting the Qi mountains was like a battle against foes immortal and invincible. She kissed Lian again.
Lian felt Mei begin to drift towards sleep in her arms, but before she let her, Lian had to ask Mei one more question.
"Are you working tomorrow?"
Mei awoke and thought for a second. "No. Tomorrow is my day off."
Lian breathed, thought of Jiang's comments and looks, but decided to go for it anyway. "Would you spend it with me?" Mei's lips slowly parted, her tongue caught for a moment. Lian took that moment to explain her intentions. "Before you say no, I want to suggest something. You've never left Yiwu. And I've never lived anywhere long enough to get to really know it. The longest I ever stayed in a single city was two years. So how about this? How about you take me over Yiwu and show me the places you know and love. And when we get there and you tell me all about it, I'll tell you where in the Central Empire it reminds me of. And I'll try my best to be poetic, or at least do a better job than I just did with the Qi mountains. And… yes. How… how does that sound?"
Lian, even over the thudding of her own heart, could feel the thoughtful pause in Mei's. She held her breath as Mei considered, and when the other woman opened her lips again, Lian felt dizzy.
"Ok. I'd enjoy that."
A single moment of euphoria, then a cascade of them as Mei grabbed every part of Lian's body that she could, then began to tease them into excitement and beyond into an incalculable bliss.