I'm done trying. I'm done trying to understand Maddie and what she's going through. I'm done trying to help. My current state wasn't all her fault though, she doesn't know what I'm going through at all. Most, if not all of the people throughout my life have been telling me the same phrases over and over. Stop talking. Be quiet. Shut up. I don't want to hear your voice. One more word, and my patience will run out. Most of these things came from my parents, especially the last two. Some from teachers, some from classmates, and now, the words were coming from a person I thought of as a friend.
"We can't break her, but a silly little comment from another human can?"
Those little voices were back. I was sitting down, hugging my knees to my chest.
'Shut up! I don't want to hear your stupid ass fucking voices anymore! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!'
"Oooohhhhhh, someone's a but touchy today."
I could almost see the nonexistent person behind the voice smile. It was excruciating to deal with these voices all day, every day, forever. I hardly get breaks. I was hoping they would be gone when I disowned my parents, but alas, they were still here. Assholes.
I could faintly hear Alex talking, but I didn't respond. I looked up, and saw Alex rushing over to where Maddie was sitting. I heard high pitched ringing in my ears, like what happens when something loud goes off near someone. It wouldn't stop. I didn't know what was causing it, but it wouldn't stop. Maybe it was the voices, shrieking so loud that I couldn't hear anything else. Alex ran over to me. His lips were moving, but he wasn't saying anything.
"I can't hear you."
I knew I was speaking, but I couldn't hear my own voice. He tried talking again, but I couldn't hear his voice. The only thing I could hear was this ringing. It was so frustrating. I couldn't hear anything. It took me a minute to fully realise, I can't hear anything. Alex tried to say something again, but I said the same thing again.
"I can't hear anything!" I said angrily. Tears were starting to form in my eyes, but I won't allow myself to cry in front of them. I'm not going to show weakness. I couldn't tell if I was shouting, I couldn't tell if I was whispering. Just high pitched ringing. No sound other than that infuriating flat line. I looked down and started shaking my head.
James sat in front of me, and lifted my head up.
"You know sign language?" He signed. My eyes lit up. I had taken three years of sign language in high school, and I remembered some signs.
"Very little," I signed back.
"It's ok, I can teach you" He signed back.
"Let's hope this doesn't last long."
He smiled at me. "OK. If you need anything, just tap my shoulder," He signed.
At least James is friendly towards me. That just made me even more upset about the fact that Maddie was treating me this way. She seemed fine before all of this went down. I understood she needed more attention, but she didn't need to be a jerk about it. I was done with her antics, and I was sick of being kind to someone who only greeted me with rude remarks. I'm done trying to be a good friend to her, I'm done trying to be nice to someone who won't even give me the same light if day.
The constant ringing lasted a few hours, eventually dimming, like the source of the sound was being carried far away from me. I tapped James on the shoulder. He turned around to look at me, immidetly signing.
"Do you need anything?" He signed.
"I can hear again," I said. My throat was incredibly sore. I felt like I had just eaten a gallon of sand and had tried to speak while it was still in my throat. My voice came out like I was croaking, and I felt so self conscience.
I frowned "Something's wrong with my throat."
I started viciously coughing. It lasted for a good few minutes utill I finally calmed down. I had been coughing into my fist, and when I inspected it, I noticed blood. The coughing started again, spitting up more blood every second. My vision started to blur, before it went completely black.