I swear that James is purposefully torturing me. Why else would he be doing this? It's not possible that he actually likes me. There's no way.
These were the kinds of thoughts plaguing my mind as I changed my clothes (some of Ayro's that the group had given me), put away the sleeping bags and cleaned up the tent. The group almost imminently started moving. They went in the same direction we were traveling in earlier. I was near the back of the group with one other person. You probably 0guessed it! James.
Not even a minute passed when he started up with his antics. He poked me incessantly while we were walking. I had just about had it. Not only was he anoying me today, but the kid who is like a brother to me is probably already dead. The next time he tried to jab me with his finger, I simply caught his hand. I looked him in the eyes, and it's like he automatically understood that he should stop.
"Is something wrong?" He asked, his deep voice hushed to a whisper.
I wiped away a tear that was forming in my eye. "I'm fine," I whispered.
"No, you're not. Seriously, what's wrong."
I thought about it for a good five seconds, before responding with a melancholy sigh.
That's when I felt his hand latch onto my own, my immediate thoughts were confusion. Pure confusion. Is he seriously holding my hand? James? Holding my hand. MY hand. Not anyone else's, but MY HAND. My heart felt like it was about to burst out if my chest, and I was sure that everything in a five mile radius could hear my heart beat. Right now, that was the only thing I could hear at all.
"Wh-what are you d-doing?" I stuttered. I meant to come off a little more confident that a nervous 12 year old talking to their crush, but alas, I could only manage that. At this point even my vocal cords are betraying me.
"I'm holding your hand. Do you... do you not want me to?"
I cleared my throat. "It's fine- I mean-"
I just sighed and gave up on the sentence. What's the point? He already knows I'm upset. My mouth is not producing the words I want it to. So I just stopped talking. I managed out an awkward thanks while we were walking. I hadn't eaten since yesterday, and I've had practically no water. I was just about to ask for a break for some food when the group came to an unaticipated halt. I'm lucky they stopped when they did, because I was hungry and dehydrated.
Ayro tossed people snacks and bottles of water. It was mainly junk food and granola bars, but it had to be the best thing I've eaten in weeks. I practically drained the entire bottle of water, only leaving a miniscule amount of water at the bottom. Everyone was sitting down at this point, and we were practically in a circle. Janes had let go of my hand to eat. Conversations were just beginning.
I was watching Crystal closely. I could tell right away that one of her so- called- friends really didn't like her, seemingly for no reason. My sister (it feels strange to say that, I knew I had a sister, but meeting her years later feels weird) had been nothing but nice, and was trying to understand how her friend... What was her name again? Right, it was Maddie. She was trying to help Maddie, but Maddie was being a prick.
I could tell from their expressions how they were talking, what tone they were using, everything.
Maddie
"I know something's bothering you." Crystal's voice was soothing and calm, but that didn't matter to me. Sure, she had gotten me and Raven talking more, but guess what our topic was? Her. It was always her. Crystal this, Crystal that. I was quickly getting sick of it.
"Well, if you must know, you are bothering me." I snapped "Just stop talking to me if you really do want to help."
The anger boiled down after I said that. What is wrong with me? Why am I pushing away the only person who seems to care about me?
I saw her sorrowful expression, and immidetly regretted the words I had just said. She pursed her lips, got up, and sat down next to her brother. She hugged her knees to her chest and stared at the ground. Alex said something to her, but she didn't respond. She just kept staring at the ground with that same blank and dreary expression on her face.
Guilt and regret immidetly washed over me. I shouldn't have said that to her. Now I was sitting here regretting my choices. why do I do the stupidest things imaginable? Something is seriously wrong with me.